Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I need a good talking to, bring me back down to earth vipers !

466 replies

GreenSilks · 04/01/2024 12:51

I’ve been single for 6 years. Had one 6 month relationship in all that time. I have had approx 150 online coffee dates. I never fancy any of them.

In the 6 years I’ve just concentrated on bringing my 2 kids up, my career and making ends meet. I have a good life really, great family and friends but admittedly have been lonely for adult company. I go on holidays alone or with friends and am out most weekends doing sports or with friends.

All this is relevant as I don’t want anyone to think I’m just grasping at straws as I’m that desperate.

Anyway if I read on a thread on mumsnet what I’m about to post, I’d be rolling my eyes and jumping in with advice.

Here goes, 4 days ago I matched with someone on Tinder, there was an instant connection, and we went straight onto WhatsApp, at my suggestion. First red flag “instant connection” I mean what a load of shit, how can you “connect” with someone online??

We’ve talked on the phone a couple
of times, for 2 hours at a time. We laughed nonstop. It was just amazing.

Ok, second red flag …. He works abroad! I know! I know!! Although it’s 2 months away and 1 month home in the UK.

Third red flag- he’s 13 years younger than me! Tall, good looking and from what I can gather from the job he does, very financially secure. He has 2 young adult kids who he see regularly and an ex who isn’t a psycho.

Look I’m a veteran of on-line dating, and I’ve seen it all, but this guy I feel is 100% genuine! Although … 4th red flag I can’t find him on social media and I can normally find anyone!

Right vipers getting ready for the punchline. He’s home in 10 days and … I’m picking him up from the airport!

WTF! I am so excited, we’re talking about a future together. WE HAVEN’T EVEN MET!

He says he feels the same, he’s not gone as far to declare his undying love but he’s said loads of amazingly sweet things. It doesn’t feel like love bombing. He’s only (so he says) been in 2 relationships.

Wish I could enable voting on the App, but I’m being stupidly naive eh?

Should add, I'm in my 50's

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
SirChenjins · 04/01/2024 13:49

12menandtrue · 04/01/2024 13:46

How long before his mother/father/child/dog needs an urgent operation and he just can't access his finds right now but will pay you back as soon as.

Oh, and how convenient - you're both in the car. You could drive to a cash point and get him some money to get started with.

Hopefully that won't be at knife point.

Original poster
GreenSilks · 04/01/2024 13:49

SirChenjins · 04/01/2024 13:45

You wouldn't give a randomer money but you'd get in a car with him?

You are mad. Seriously, is this a wind up, because I can't believe a woman in her fifties would do something so silly.

Sir with respect, you have indeed lived a lovely sheltered middle class mumsnet life if you find this unbelievable!

I have done much worse than this and yes .... even in my 50's - shock, gasp, clutch pearls!

Life is for living!

However my bubble is bursting. The more I write the more I can't believe he's real.

OP posts:
N4ish · 04/01/2024 13:50

He’s definitely going to start asking you for money! This has romance scam written all over it. 13 years younger, no trace of him online, works outside UK?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
SirChenjins · 04/01/2024 13:51

GreenSilks · 04/01/2024 13:49

Sir with respect, you have indeed lived a lovely sheltered middle class mumsnet life if you find this unbelievable!

I have done much worse than this and yes .... even in my 50's - shock, gasp, clutch pearls!

Life is for living!

However my bubble is bursting. The more I write the more I can't believe he's real.

Show quote history

Ha - you've no idea. Major difference is I did all that when I was young and stupid. Now that I'm in my fifties and no longer stupid I don't.

PinedApple · 04/01/2024 13:51

Yeah my first thought is what if he pulls a weapon in the car? Although this feels more like a long-con scenario. Just be careful OP. what do you mean when you say your safety is all sorted? Do you have contingencies in place?

LynetteScavo · 04/01/2024 13:53

To all those telling me no social media isn't a red flag- I wouldn't be picking you up from the airport! Grin

MudandMoet · 04/01/2024 13:54

Shamelessly place marking for the updates. I do love a good love story though and I hope it all works out well for you OP.

Sera1989 · 04/01/2024 13:55

To be honest him getting into your car is much less of a concern than you getting into his car. But one of the biggest things I took from your OP is that you've had lots of dates and don't fancy the person. I am the same, I think someone is attractive in their photos and then in front of my I feel nothing. So I would urge you to have a video call and don't get too caught up in things for now. Sexual attraction is not the most important thing in a relationship but it is definitely important

Original poster
GreenSilks · 04/01/2024 13:55

bringon2024 · 04/01/2024 13:48

I'm more interested in why u holiday alone or with friends but what about the kids?

Always one eh?

I go on holidays with my kids every year, AND my friends AND sometimes by myself.

Wild eh?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2024 13:56

I'll repeat my question from earlier @GreenSilks

What value will you get from picking him up from the airport that won't be achievable in a coffee shop a day later?

AllEars112232 · 04/01/2024 13:56

So, my (cynical) guess is he will get stopped leaving the country he is in because he needs to pay something to customs/immigration/fill in the blanks. Or he will be “stopped” in U.K. immigration. In either case, he will need money, and he will ask you to pay.

You're so excited to meet him you will fork out to make sure he is allowed in…

it’s a scam OP- I hope I’m wrong, but I’m confident I’m not.

12menandtrue · 04/01/2024 13:57

You will get a text at the airport. Problem with ticket or similar. I wouldn't waste my petrol or battery. Have you not seen how these scammers work. It couldn't be more obvious..

IClaudine · 04/01/2024 13:57

Are you on SM, OP? Would he have been able to find out stuff about you such as what you do for a living etc.?

Where does he work when abroad?

Why would he delete his LinkedIn account when he split from his wife? I can under stand FB and X, but why LinkedIn?

I think it is a scam.

Janinejones · 04/01/2024 13:57

Is he military contractor. Either tech or security? That would account for low profile and 2 on 1 off.
Where is he flying from?

SirChenjins · 04/01/2024 13:58

GreenSilks · 04/01/2024 13:55

Always one eh?

I go on holidays with my kids every year, AND my friends AND sometimes by myself.

Wild eh?

Show quote history

You didn’t say that in your OP - you said you went alone and with friends. So no, there’s not alway one.

Dacadactyl · 04/01/2024 13:59

I mean no offence in saying this OP, but I'd honestly be wondering why a man in that position was after a woman 15 years older than him.

That alone would make me think he was odd.

AllrightNowBaby · 04/01/2024 13:59

Listen! You seem to know all the pit falls, so keep alert for anything that doesn’t add up but otherwise go for it.
To me it’s not much different than seeing someone in a bar and finding you are instantly attracted.
This is how it used to happen in the old days and you still then had to meet again and get to know them.
So, not much different really.
He may be great but if it doesn’t work out you can just drop him, can’t you?

Scrantonicity2 · 04/01/2024 14:00

Just meet him in a normal public place and keep your cynical side switched on. You'll soon know if it's not worth even wondering about.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2024 14:00

Sera1989 · 04/01/2024 13:55

To be honest him getting into your car is much less of a concern than you getting into his car. But one of the biggest things I took from your OP is that you've had lots of dates and don't fancy the person. I am the same, I think someone is attractive in their photos and then in front of my I feel nothing. So I would urge you to have a video call and don't get too caught up in things for now. Sexual attraction is not the most important thing in a relationship but it is definitely important

I agree and it's why I've stopped OLD.

I've learnt that attraction for me is the way they carry themselves, the way they walk, their voice, their mannerisms..none of which are visible in a still shot.

I've been really surprised to learn how quite a few people have actually got really pleasant faces, but carry themselves in a way you wouldn't look twice. And vice versa.

YouJustDoYou · 04/01/2024 14:00

Op, there are men out there who are very, very, VERY skilled at reeling women in, they know EXACTLY what to say and do....

Analysisandparalysis · 04/01/2024 14:01

Sorry OP. But this has catfish or scam written all over it.

Why would he delete Linked In!? Does he work in a cave? Almost all industries now use this as the standard for recruitment and that sort of thing. What is he saying his job/industry is?

Why doesn’t he have anything on electoral roll? Presumably he lived in the UK at some point if he was married?

Why are you collecting him from the airport? That seems like such a strange thing to do in your first in person meet up.
irregardless of safety, it’s just odd and a bit mummish or something. Can’t he organise transport / get a train?! I’d not want to be standing around a shitty airport like a fucking chauffeur waiting for him! What if it’s delayed for godsake. First date is surely a nice restaurant / venue and a couple of drinks etc.

People who do this sort of subterfuge for a living or for kicks are going to be very polished and know how it get on with people. They are charming and warm and will be mirroring your likes and have various tales to tell which make them seem real.

If you’re too worried about broaching his credibility before meeting him then that says he’s done a bloody good job.

Hopefully he is legit. But honestly it sounds dodgy!

SirChenjins · 04/01/2024 14:01

Sera1989 · 04/01/2024 13:55

To be honest him getting into your car is much less of a concern than you getting into his car. But one of the biggest things I took from your OP is that you've had lots of dates and don't fancy the person. I am the same, I think someone is attractive in their photos and then in front of my I feel nothing. So I would urge you to have a video call and don't get too caught up in things for now. Sexual attraction is not the most important thing in a relationship but it is definitely important

Don’t be too sure - my friend’s DD has just been to court after a man got into her car and held her at knife point while he made her drive. Fortunately she managed to get out at some traffic lights, she’s still not sure how she managed it, but another woman wasn’t so lucky - he got her to drive somewhere and then raped her.

IClaudine · 04/01/2024 14:01

Janinejones · 04/01/2024 13:57

Is he military contractor. Either tech or security? That would account for low profile and 2 on 1 off.
Where is he flying from?

But he told OP he deleted SM when he slit from his wife, so the no SM issue doesn't seem to be connected to his job.

Saisong · 04/01/2024 14:01

What is the plan for meeting him - at the arrivals gate, or somewhere else? If not at the gate he might not even have arrived by plane (assuming he will turn up at all)

Then what is the plan, where are you to take him - to his, to yours (don't do this), somewhere neutral (after he has just travelled for however long, and unlikely). How was he originally going to travel from the airport?

It's just all too odd

Salesarefullofcutpricesprouts · 04/01/2024 14:01

You have 10 days to find out more to either corroborate his story or expose him. Curiosity would see me keeping it going at least til then.. Is he still on Tinder?