I need a good talking to, bring me back down to earth vipers !

[GreenSilks]

I’ve been single for 6 years. Had one 6 month relationship in all that time. I have had approx 150 online coffee dates. I never fancy any of them.

In the 6 years I’ve just concentrated on bringing my 2 kids up, my career and making ends meet. I have a good life really, great family and friends but admittedly have been lonely for adult company. I go on holidays alone or with friends and am out most weekends doing sports or with friends.

All this is relevant as I don’t want anyone to think I’m just grasping at straws as I’m that desperate.

Anyway if I read on a thread on mumsnet what I’m about to post, I’d be rolling my eyes and jumping in with advice.

Here goes, 4 days ago I matched with someone on Tinder, there was an instant connection, and we went straight onto WhatsApp, at my suggestion. First red flag “instant connection” I mean what a load of shit, how can you “connect” with someone online??

We’ve talked on the phone a couple
of times, for 2 hours at a time. We laughed nonstop. It was just amazing.

Ok, second red flag …. He works abroad! I know! I know!! Although it’s 2 months away and 1 month home in the UK.

Third red flag- he’s 13 years younger than me! Tall, good looking and from what I can gather from the job he does, very financially secure. He has 2 young adult kids who he see regularly and an ex who isn’t a psycho.

Look I’m a veteran of on-line dating, and I’ve seen it all, but this guy I feel is 100% genuine! Although … 4th red flag I can’t find him on social media and I can normally find anyone!

Right vipers getting ready for the punchline. He’s home in 10 days and … I’m picking him up from the airport!

WTF! I am so excited, we’re talking about a future together. WE HAVEN’T EVEN MET!

He says he feels the same, he’s not gone as far to declare his undying love but he’s said loads of amazingly sweet things. It doesn’t feel like love bombing. He’s only (so he says) been in 2 relationships.

Wish I could enable voting on the App, but I’m being stupidly naive eh?

Should add, I'm in my 50's

You need to watch a couple of episodes of For Love or Money as referenced in a previous post. So many red flags here you have enough bunting for the whole street

I don't want to burst your bubble OP but this sounds so remarkably similar to a situation my friend found herself in that I couldn't not comment. Push for the facetime call, if there is any reason why he can't chat via video call then I would suggest that you walk away.

So many seemingly plausible excuses but in the end he was a total fake and just disappeared when she questioned him, and this went on for several months. He had her arranging estate agent appointments and all sorts. She was also supposed to be picking him up from the airport.

I really hope he is genuine and that you live happily ever after. I do believe in thunderbolts in your 50's, it can happen. I am 2 years into an instant attraction online date and very happy.

All the best

Hmmmm be careful

I think the fact that you can't find his picture on reverse search is a positive, but also sceptical that he will turn up.
Will you still meet him if he refuses to FaceTime?

Yeah I was thinking the same.

I am sure you know this op but some scammers can be enormously charming and plausible.

Please please say you have video chatted with him?
This could be my friend. Exactly same scenario. Worked away 2 months. 1 month home.. grown up kids etc etc.
Chatted on phone .. great connection.. went to airport to pick him up.. no show.. but his " friend " then rang her to say he had been " caught" at the airport in the country he was travelling from and needed three thousand pounds as a " loan" for some stupid reason.. then the authorities would let him board the next plane.
🤷‍♀️ she never did pay or meet him.

You say you have the safety side covered, so I will just say Good Luck. I hope he is genuine and you click in person right away.

Honestly this feels really dodgy, sorry OP. I hope that he's legit but the picking up from the airport thing is weird as others have said.

If he's interested in getting to know you, he'll be up for a FaceTime call first. And then changing plans from picking him up to a coffee or a meal instead. Please don't pick him up. You sound lovely and I don't want you to get hurt!

I would just go for it OP. I agree with you that life is for living. Sometimes we make mistakes but have a lot of fun in the meantime, it's exactly those things that make a life.

I was in a similar situation a few months ago and went abroad and stayed with a man I had never met for a weekend, but we had video called. We had a great 6-7 weeks together and then realised it will never work for various reasons. He wasn't exactly who I thought he was but I would never have wanted to be without the experience. It was super romantic and fun.

You seem like someone who has their head screwed on and after going on 150 dates and realised neither was right enough to date again I think you have great intuition too.

I can only be found on LinkedIn and that is purely professional with zero information on anything to do with my personal circumstances. I am most definitely not hiding anything, I just have zero interest in sharing my life online.

For all the talk of red flags and online connection bullshit, I have literally just been in the position you are in now - we met on 6th Dec. And it is everything I had hoped, in fact more.

We matched, no instant spark, I thought he'd be a bit straight for me.

But his behaviour won me over - reliably in touch basically, and keen. Then we messaged for a long time. Then we had our first phone chat and like you OP, the time went in seconds but was an hour and a half - and that's a big deal for me.

Then we met, I was so nervous, but not only did he take care of it all by being excellent company, but again the time went so quickly.

By the second date he squared up to me and asked me if we could see each other.

It has been a little over a month that I've known him but I feel something special has been found. There are so many good things about him.

Soooo what I am saying is, sometimes this is genuinely it.

Make sure you look as hot as fuck and - enjoy yourself.

Yes Sera agree. Will def have video call tonight.

And I think what a lot of posters don't realise is, I have a choice. If I meet him in the airport, get bad vibes or even just don't fancy him I can just say "No sorry, you're not getting in my car. Changed my mind".

I did that once before. Once and once only, in the beginning of my OLD. Agreed to meet a man in a hotel for a night of passion. Don't know what I was thinking. One of my first dates since chucking ex out.

Anyway he drove 2 hours to get to hotel and when he walked in I was "SHIT!!"

He so wasn't for me! I sat for about a minute thinking just do it, he's come all this way. Then realised how nuts that was and told him that I was sorry, I didn't fancy him. And I left.

First dates are always coffee dates ever since!!

Yes. Like I said there is sooooo many red flags and I'm getting less and less confident that he's real.

If did do the whole visa at the airport thing or similar. I'd delete.

He does (so he says) work in a military type contact, and is ex-military himself (as am I) and he appears to know all the lingo.

Although .... wait ... he didn't know what I meant by 🦀 and if you're military you know exactly what services this is!

Hmmmmmm.

But you ARE on Linked In, nonetheless.

I am so sorry op but this was my first thought too, this has happened to so many women, these scammers are so good that even the smartest of women can get fleeced for thousands of pounds. Even if he facetimes you please be careful and run for the hills as soon as money comes up (he won't outright ask for money. There'll be some problem that means he can't see you, you'll volunteer to fix it and that is how it starts)

I have done the most dodgy and unwise things online dating.

I have married within six months and divorced within three years a Tinder date.

I do not always make good decisions.

What I will say is DO NOT PICK HIM UP FROM THE AIRPORT.

The minute he gets in to your car and you get a bad vibe, it's too late. Even if he just smells funny or whatever. You need to meet him next day in a neutral place. Tell him something's come up and he'll have to get a cab.

Watch "For Love or Money" on iplayer, this all sounds very familiar to the stories on there.

He my well tell you on the day...sorry been held up at airport by customs/police, need money...

def do a video call before you meet him!

Sounds like one of those weird fake profiles that’s always an American soldier asking to “be friends”

Hopefully we’re all wrong and everything’s fine OP, but I’d be proceeding with caution

Don't pick him up at the airport. Meet in a public place for the first time. Do a video call first. It has scam all over it.

If he doesn't know what 🦀is, he's not UK ex-military. I mean, I'm not and I know it, though i live in a county where you'd be hard pushed not to know a lot of them!

No LinkedIn is concerning. Very suspicious.

I really think you need to re evaluate the situation. Don't pick him up; meet him somewhere for coffee in a day or so.

He could be anybody or anything and cosh you on the head in the car park. Con men don't wear signs saying "untrustworthy!"

Where is he planning to stay?

WHY ARE YOU PICKING HIM UP FROM THE AIRPORT????

JUST MEET HIM FOR A COFFEE IN A FEW DAYS LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!!!!!

<breathes>

OP with respect, you sound like you’re having a manic episode. He’s probably just looking for sex and a free taxi service.

‘Concerns are mounting for Ms Greensilks, (photo attached) who has not been seen since meeting an online date at blah blah airport six days ago. Ms Greensilk has not been in touch with her family in that time, and is not answering her mobile phone.

If you have seen a woman answering to this description, were at blah blah airport arrivals at this time or have any information relating to this case, please contact blah blah police on…….’

Listen to Claudia. Not just because she's talking really loudly but because she is talking sense.

I’d push for a video call tonight, but don’t bother to spend time doing your hair/getting ready has he will have a perfectly “plausible “ reason he can’t