I need a good talking to, bring me back down to earth vipers !

[GreenSilks]

I’ve been single for 6 years. Had one 6 month relationship in all that time. I have had approx 150 online coffee dates. I never fancy any of them.

In the 6 years I’ve just concentrated on bringing my 2 kids up, my career and making ends meet. I have a good life really, great family and friends but admittedly have been lonely for adult company. I go on holidays alone or with friends and am out most weekends doing sports or with friends.

All this is relevant as I don’t want anyone to think I’m just grasping at straws as I’m that desperate.

Anyway if I read on a thread on mumsnet what I’m about to post, I’d be rolling my eyes and jumping in with advice.

Here goes, 4 days ago I matched with someone on Tinder, there was an instant connection, and we went straight onto WhatsApp, at my suggestion. First red flag “instant connection” I mean what a load of shit, how can you “connect” with someone online??

We’ve talked on the phone a couple
of times, for 2 hours at a time. We laughed nonstop. It was just amazing.

Ok, second red flag …. He works abroad! I know! I know!! Although it’s 2 months away and 1 month home in the UK.

Third red flag- he’s 13 years younger than me! Tall, good looking and from what I can gather from the job he does, very financially secure. He has 2 young adult kids who he see regularly and an ex who isn’t a psycho.

Look I’m a veteran of on-line dating, and I’ve seen it all, but this guy I feel is 100% genuine! Although … 4th red flag I can’t find him on social media and I can normally find anyone!

Right vipers getting ready for the punchline. He’s home in 10 days and … I’m picking him up from the airport!

WTF! I am so excited, we’re talking about a future together. WE HAVEN’T EVEN MET!

He says he feels the same, he’s not gone as far to declare his undying love but he’s said loads of amazingly sweet things. It doesn’t feel like love bombing. He’s only (so he says) been in 2 relationships.

Wish I could enable voting on the App, but I’m being stupidly naive eh?

Should add, I'm in my 50's

Alright misery guts! 🤣 I agree to a point - getting super excited about someone you haven’t even met is a bit daft these days. OP was lucky she trusted the niggling voice in her head that it was too good to be true. But OP had spoken to this man. She heard his voice. They shared stuff. It wasn’t a totally baseless crush.

HOWEVER (caps for drama): love - when it really happens - IS giddy and exciting!! I met my DH when I was 40 and I still acted like a teenager obsessed with him!! It was brilliant and ridiculous and we both did crazy shit to grab even the smallest amount of time together.

When you start a reciprocal flirting relationship with a person your brain chemistry literally changes. You have raised levels of “happy hormones” (oxytocin/seratonin/dopamine) so you are - in a way - a bit high. Judgement can be affected.

The old adage of “love like you’ve never been hurt” is at least half true in my opinion - enter every situation with wide-eyed optimism and a healthy amount of one eyebrow raised cynicism. Which is exactly what OP did.

(I am playing with the ‘misery guts’ bit. I just think your comment is a tad harsh given OP DID question it all and is already feeling a bit shite.)

OP: STAY ROMANTIC AND CRAZY IT’S JUST A NUMBERS GAME!! 👊

You don't know his first name?
He's 13 years younger? Lives abroad?
He's trying to get money from you. It's a scam ffs.

READ
THE
OP'S
POSTS

ffs why on earth do people waste everyone's time filling up threads with posts that repeat what everyone said a day ago when clearly it's moved on?

He's bored like you. Enjoys the laughter like you. That's why. Then will scam money next.

Please LET it take the wind out of your sales. This over-excited, giddy, hyper-romantic nonsense is just silly and guaranteed to get you hurt in some way. As an aside, if a guy asked me to show him my passport, I'd immediately think he was nuts and run a mile.

Sorry no. The over-excited, giddy, hyper-romantic 'nonsense' is probably exactly why you do it.

It's also possible to be sensible at the same time . Like OP who trusted her instinct.

Long live Loving.

I don’t have any social media. It’s full of drama or fakes! I have a very good network around me but suprises new people when I say I don’t have FB or IG

The website you and your friend checked has a new review warning people against this scammer

It's probably the OP. I'd imagine she'd be keen to add her experience

T'was indeed me!

Great sleuthing finding it! Nothing is safe on mumsnet!!

Can't believe I didn't use it right away. I normally do. But as I previously said I'm a bit vulnerable at the moment due to the death at the weekend.

He hasn't text me at all today, so knows he's been rumbled!

The thing I'm most pissed off about is that I deleted Tinder and had a couple of promising potentials!

So will be no more updates sadly! I love a good update thread!

You found him on tinder? Great place to find scammers. Isn't there an ex vet site you could use that's safe?

What’s the website to use to find out people on online dating are scammers? I have a friend who is quite vulnerable and would love to recommend this to her.

PM me please if no one wants to put it on the thread?

I'd love to know what it is as well.

Omg play along. Scam
the scammer! Pretend you’ve won the lottery or come into some money. Reel him in. Get him doing daft things (“The thing is Rodney, before I send you that money to repair your car/pay your hamster’s vet bill/buy you a kidney I’ll need to know you’re for real. Can you just pop and take a selfie of you wearing a false moustache outside the nearest McDonald’s”)

Hou could have endless fun!

@GreenSilks Scammers know about websites like this - surely its better to state which one it is for the people here who need to be warned....??

Other posters: copy and paste this into your search bar (include the speech marks)
"this person phoned and texted multiple times sending dirty images and demanding"
@ShirleyPhallus @Butterdoesntmelt

Yes, I'd like to know which website this is too - if anyone can PM me the details, I'd be very grateful. Thanks!

copy and paste this into your search bar (include the speech marks)
"this person phoned and texted multiple times sending dirty images and demanding"

Many thanks!

@ImFloatingInAMostPeculiarWay that brings up who called me and nothing else for me

Same?

I wouldn't have thought to search for someone's phone number there either, and yet....

That's how I found the site. You need to scroll down to the bottom of the page

yes - that is the screenshot the op shared

Oh goodness just read the updates! Going to have to stay with my husband until death do us part as frankly I couldn't be doing with this nonsense!
So sorry he wasn't genuine but you sound lovely OP and hope you find someone wonderful soon xx

@witte this is the post where OP shared what they found

There WILL be an update, maybe a few months down the line when you’ve found a good one and you’re happy.

You sound incredible OP, really lovely and very funny. I’m sorry catfish wanker turned out to be just that, well done on trusting your gut though. Dust yourself off and get back in the saddle, you’ll find your lobster. Or 🦀 😉