I need a good talking to, bring me back down to earth vipers !

[GreenSilks]

I’ve been single for 6 years. Had one 6 month relationship in all that time. I have had approx 150 online coffee dates. I never fancy any of them.

In the 6 years I’ve just concentrated on bringing my 2 kids up, my career and making ends meet. I have a good life really, great family and friends but admittedly have been lonely for adult company. I go on holidays alone or with friends and am out most weekends doing sports or with friends.

All this is relevant as I don’t want anyone to think I’m just grasping at straws as I’m that desperate.

Anyway if I read on a thread on mumsnet what I’m about to post, I’d be rolling my eyes and jumping in with advice.

Here goes, 4 days ago I matched with someone on Tinder, there was an instant connection, and we went straight onto WhatsApp, at my suggestion. First red flag “instant connection” I mean what a load of shit, how can you “connect” with someone online??

We’ve talked on the phone a couple
of times, for 2 hours at a time. We laughed nonstop. It was just amazing.

Ok, second red flag …. He works abroad! I know! I know!! Although it’s 2 months away and 1 month home in the UK.

Third red flag- he’s 13 years younger than me! Tall, good looking and from what I can gather from the job he does, very financially secure. He has 2 young adult kids who he see regularly and an ex who isn’t a psycho.

Look I’m a veteran of on-line dating, and I’ve seen it all, but this guy I feel is 100% genuine! Although … 4th red flag I can’t find him on social media and I can normally find anyone!

Right vipers getting ready for the punchline. He’s home in 10 days and … I’m picking him up from the airport!

WTF! I am so excited, we’re talking about a future together. WE HAVEN’T EVEN MET!

He says he feels the same, he’s not gone as far to declare his undying love but he’s said loads of amazingly sweet things. It doesn’t feel like love bombing. He’s only (so he says) been in 2 relationships.

Wish I could enable voting on the App, but I’m being stupidly naive eh?

Should add, I'm in my 50's

Yeah sorry I’ve never met a single military man who doesn’t have access to even one photo of them in their uniform. In fact it’s one of the things me and my friends often joke about when they start dating one, “how many minutes into the chat did he show you a pic in all his gear”🤣

Pls don’t let him in your car whatever you do. Even if he’s not a serial killer surely he’ll think you’re too easy (I mean that in the politest way). I don’t think he should have accepted your offer. Be careful.

Haha hilarious! And I definitely agree. He's only been out 4 years so he'll have loads of medals.

It's funny as a veteran and female, I don't think I've ever shared a picture of me in my uniform. No def not!

Anyway he's got back to me and guess what???

He has none on his phone! Well knock me over with a feather! He got loads on his walls at home and on his PC but none on his phone. Oh dear. How sad!

Ok what bazar excuse for the FaceTiming not to happen? Anyone want to hazard a guess?

Broke his thumbs in a terrible gym accident so can't call me?

Riot on the compound, electricity down and no charge on phone?

Thing is, he will love bomb and string you along for a while and it will be AMAZING and then before you know it you’re on the hook and no one understands, and he’s legit and on and on.

Go watch Tinder Swindler. Now.

I think it's cheeky that he's getting a lift from the airport! How far is it? That's the biggest red flag for me. Cadging a lift before he's even in a relationship with you. I hope he offers petrol money!

I'm not worrying about him getting in your car because he's not going to turn up at the airport. He'll have some elaborate excuse. The same thing happened to my uncle.

I do wonder though whether you could use this experience to have a think about your approach to dating generally. If none of the guys you met for coffee were worth even a second date then perhaps your expectations are a bit unrealistic? Perhaps a spark is something that can grow rather than needing to be felt from first sight? And doesn't need to be from some super hot action hero military much younger man with the gift of the gab. If I'm way off base here then I apologise but might just be worth thinking about.

Ohhh I was thinking you were all being a bit cautious there, but hmm, now I'm not so sure.
Getting vibes of Gail in Corrie falling for that 'pilot' all those years ago now...

My brother is a university lecturer and is happily married with kids. He quit all social media years ago and he is very happy.

I think no social media is a plus. I'm bloody addicted to it!

Does he know you’re a veteran? Even as just a pad brat, I’d find it odd that the conversation didn’t immediately turn to who you might both know or places you’d both been 😂.

Also I need to address the him getting in my car worry.

I know to some this is madness. But I pick random people up all the time in my car.

I mean not random as in I pull them off a pavement kind of random. But hitchhikers, men who's bikes have broke down, old ladies with heavy shopping. Anyone who looks like they need a lift. Even (shock horror, with the kids in the car) although they're not kids now but young adults.

I live very rural. There is no public transport and if I can help someone I will.

Some posters have also inferred I need to "grow up" and not do stupid impulsive things because I'm in my 50's.

But I don't want to grow up. I don't want to live my life in fear. I've done Operational Tours I've seen the real fear that some people have to live under.

Anyway I digress, I am not worried about my safety, and anyway coincidentally I have a hammer in my car door pocket to use to hit my starter motor, if it breaks down.

He got loads on his walls at home and on his PC but none on his phone

Ask him to take a photo with his phone of one that he has in his wall and send it you...

Yup!! Good point!!

Spot on! We vets love seeing if we were in the same places or on the same tours. But he never mentioned it. He wouldn't would he?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I reckon the trick is to ask for a photo of him with something he may reasonably have a version of nearby as a scammer, but not the real thing. Like a weapon or a "security outfit", and see what he cobbles together.

I read about a guy amusing himself with email scammers this way, think he got them to send photos of themselves with giant fish to prove they were real.

Re facetime - queues for the men's showers at the gym were too long??? Then you'll know he's a liar!!!

So I can imagine if my dh were on a dating app (heaven forfend!) he wouldn't be sharing photos in uniform (he avoids using strava on bases for example too) but he'd certainly be able to send you some (including one with David Beckham that used to be hung on the preschool office wall 😂) if you explicitly asked in this situation.

He's gonna just not have signal tonight.

He is using you for a lift at best

Awww it doesn’t sound good OP - await the FaceTime update

Ohhhh OP I absolutely frikkin love your energy!!

I love every decision you've made EXCEPT the picking him up at the airport bit. Not because of safety but because - even if he is who he says he is (and I'm not convinced) - it will absolutely deflate any chemistry to meet in a fudging airport!?! You need to be dressed up ready to have a cocktail, not being a free taxi. It's just too needy for someone as obviously fun as you. Don't start any relationship as a Mum Taxi - that's just so unsexy.

Crossing fingers for your FaceTime, but glad you sound okay if he's not who he says.

✌

Don't worry, he's not going to be at the airport.

The 'British Government' will stop him flying out and then he will be taken to a prison facility. All of his wallet contents will be removed, but they will let him keep his phone so he can text. He won't be released until he pays a fine.

Who will he ask?
His parents?
His brother?
His best friend who once took a bullet for him?
His work buddy?
His boss?

No. He will ask a woman he's never met.

And yet.. this is how I met dh. Massive difference to how other guys communicated. In my case it was too good to be true.. but it was!

Be safe and perceptive.

Oh you'd think so @theinnergame, you'd think so.

But some sort of catalyst happens when they (the men) come out. I think they miss it so much , as do I, that reason goes out the window.

I live central to Hereford, Bristol (abbeymead) and Cheltenham (donut) and there's load of vets on tinder. Not all have pics on their profiles, but I can spot them a mile away.

But as soon as you're on WhatsApp - BANG ... not a dick pic but a military picture. They can't help themselves!

Not saying this is the case here but something similar happened to me a while ago.

We'd spoken on the phone and got on really well although his accent didn't sound like how I expected it to be.

So I pushed for a video call and the first time we tried, he was lying on a sofa with a cat on his lap, smiling at me and speaking but there was no sound.

We tried again, and this time had sound but it was completely out of sync with his lips.

It just made me laugh it was so ridiculous.

We'd had a conversation about catfishing already so I messaged him afterwards joking that the video looked so fake, he was obviously catfishing and who was he really?

Then he blocked me!

Can I also reiterate I'm not giving him any money.

Also, I god damn love all the holiday/romance scam romance and catfish programmes. Have watched loads and I've seen how the scammers work.

Their English is normally shit for a start and they cut and paste messages. This is a multi million dollar industry. They can't hold a conversation that makes any real sense and you can normally find their profile pics on google images right away.

So he's not a scammer in the conventional sense. Is he some sort of fucking weirdo Walt? Yes I think so.

I think he's def in the country abroad that he says he is, as he has a mobile from there.

I even think he works in the industry he says he does.

Is he a tall slim 45 year old veteran? Nope. I don't think so now.

And if he is a fraud, I'm passing his details to the guys who hunt Walts. And he'll be sorry so very very sorry!

This is a good point too.

But as soon as you're on WhatsApp - BANG ... not a dick pic but a military picture. They can't help themselves!

I’m dying laughing at this 😂.

The lift situation op.... The fact luckily so far you have been a hero to genuine people.. He isn't sounding genuine....