I need a good talking to, bring me back down to earth vipers !

[GreenSilks]

I’ve been single for 6 years. Had one 6 month relationship in all that time. I have had approx 150 online coffee dates. I never fancy any of them.

In the 6 years I’ve just concentrated on bringing my 2 kids up, my career and making ends meet. I have a good life really, great family and friends but admittedly have been lonely for adult company. I go on holidays alone or with friends and am out most weekends doing sports or with friends.

All this is relevant as I don’t want anyone to think I’m just grasping at straws as I’m that desperate.

Anyway if I read on a thread on mumsnet what I’m about to post, I’d be rolling my eyes and jumping in with advice.

Here goes, 4 days ago I matched with someone on Tinder, there was an instant connection, and we went straight onto WhatsApp, at my suggestion. First red flag “instant connection” I mean what a load of shit, how can you “connect” with someone online??

We’ve talked on the phone a couple
of times, for 2 hours at a time. We laughed nonstop. It was just amazing.

Ok, second red flag …. He works abroad! I know! I know!! Although it’s 2 months away and 1 month home in the UK.

Third red flag- he’s 13 years younger than me! Tall, good looking and from what I can gather from the job he does, very financially secure. He has 2 young adult kids who he see regularly and an ex who isn’t a psycho.

Look I’m a veteran of on-line dating, and I’ve seen it all, but this guy I feel is 100% genuine! Although … 4th red flag I can’t find him on social media and I can normally find anyone!

Right vipers getting ready for the punchline. He’s home in 10 days and … I’m picking him up from the airport!

WTF! I am so excited, we’re talking about a future together. WE HAVEN’T EVEN MET!

He says he feels the same, he’s not gone as far to declare his undying love but he’s said loads of amazingly sweet things. It doesn’t feel like love bombing. He’s only (so he says) been in 2 relationships.

Wish I could enable voting on the App, but I’m being stupidly naive eh?

Should add, I'm in my 50's

Where is he staying for those months he is here? Wondering if he only needs somewhere to stay.

Sorry so many posters and I keep missing some. I have seen ALL the catfish and holiday scam stories.

I have no sympathy for them. This guy comes fine the same city as me, has the same accent even. He told me first which city he was from before hearing mine and it's not an accent that is easily mimicked.

So he's def a Brit.

I don't sext with him. Don't sext with anyone I haven't met with. He's not send me dodgy pics or asked for any.

Our conversations amuse me deeply and I laugh a lot.

To the PP who politely asked twice why I don't just meet him in a coffee shop at the airport. I have nothing to lose by just doing that. I agree. But got caught up in the moment. And I've previously explained, if I decided not to have him in my car I'll just tell him I've changed my mind.

Thanks posters, I'm def clearer headed.

And thank you to the posters who've had nice positive stories, of which they aren't many. Which in itself is telling eh?

The 🦀 thing is definitely sus. I’d be throwing a few more odd slang terms in and casually asking about postings or ops if I were you.

Sorry, OP but this is likely the start of a massive romance fraud for you. Just before you collect him, perhaps while you are already at the airport, he'll text you and say that 'the government' or some other entity is blocking him over a mistaken unpaid tax bill or something similar and that he can't access his bank as he doesn't have what he needs with him to sort it, and could you please, please just help him out, and he'll pay you back as soon as he's out of the airport.

You should watch 'For Love or Money' on BBC One.

I'm sorry, OP, but this is absolutely textbook romance fraud in the making!

Not finding his image via reverse search doesn't mean anything anymore. It's ridiculously easy to use an AI art app to generate a photorealistic image of a person who doesn't actually exist.

I’m not worried one bit about you OP, sounds like you have your head screwed on. Do FaceTime him! Then I think you’ll get a real feel for him… & please update! The hopeless romantic in me hopes it turns into happily ever after!

You.. do.
you’re here on mumsnet 😅

but I agree it’s deffo not a redflag

I think you can tell a lot from FaceTime or even a phone call. I have declined to meet several people after speaking on the phone because they had a weird voice or sounded boring or talked too much about their ex.

Don't take all these negative stories to heart.
You've got your head screwed on.
Most of them haven't made your grade.
This one FEELS different for a reason.

You're in the 'getting butterflies but don't know for sure' stage which is a very angsty stage I think.

You can turn him down on the spot if required. You'll be in a public space and on CCTV.

You've just got to get through the days until then!

My guy has just booked us an overnight in a BnB for this weekend. I think you've got fun and important times coming up. One day, the right man shows up. This could be that day. You've covered the risk bases and your ex forces so not stupid or extra vulnerable. Something has tripped your switch tho, and that could be what you've been waiting for.

I await your updates!

Yup and I'll ask him for pic of him in his military kit. If he's done 24 years as an officer he's bound to have some gongs to show off!

Please! What is it????? 😅

What time are you speaking to him later. so I can set an alarm and see your update

🦀 Crab is slang for RAF. :)

We're FaceTiming in a couple of hours. He's just going to gym then having dinner.

I think you're right. I think it's not going to happen.

He mentioned a couple of times how bad the 5G can be there. And sometimes it just goes! Wonder if it "just goes" tonight?

Think I know the answer :(

I've also asked for a picture of him in uniform. He's not sure, just going to look on his phone!!

A military man who's not sure if he's got a picture of himself in uniform.

GET TO FUCK!

Dodged a bullet there then. 😉

I thought crab was a manoeuvre that you do when marching.

Please be careful, someone l knew l got in a car on the first date and he turned out to be a convicted sex attacker. He was from another country. She had a really lucky escape. He was very eloquent and educated, you just never know.
The fact he says he has something to do with the military is also a red flag. There's a podcast/ blog from Pink lady against scammers, she mentions a lot of scammers say they are in the military, she actually seeks scammers out and plays them at their own game. She also interviews women who have fallen victim, there is always some kind of similar pattern.
He could be genuine and l hope he is, but just be careful.

I think you're talking yourself out of it. 5G could be crap where he is. I spoke to a man who was renting a castle and spoke to me lying on the floor in the giant living room (!) and then drove to the shop in a Lamborghini - these things do happen. But his 5G was crap hence going out for the drive.

Stop doing your own head in.

I lived with an ex Navy and he had all his gear in the basement, his uniforms etc, but when he was wearing them and in the Navy, phones then weren't what they are now. Stop ruining it.

You have your eyes open, proceed.

I think you need to be both less fussy (maybe give some of your coffee dates a second try even without an instant soul mates experience) and more fussy (with this man). Sorry.

You sound like you’ve got your head screwed on @GreenSilks - being open to possibilities but not getting pulled into anything. I’m guessing the FaceTime won’t happen, and you’ll have your answer.

Sorry OP but 100% this.

I think you've answered your own question, he's setting up the 5G excuse and the photo excuse. Sorry, I'd love him to be real but I don't think he is.

What are u going to do if he gets in your at airport and I get the ick
How will you get him out of your car
And where are u taking him
So even if u don't like him ,he gets a free ride home out of u

Your car ,and u not i

For the love of god don’t pick him up! Meet for a coffee from the airport, fine. But don’t let him get in the car!