I need a good talking to, bring me back down to earth vipers !

[GreenSilks]

I’ve been single for 6 years. Had one 6 month relationship in all that time. I have had approx 150 online coffee dates. I never fancy any of them.

In the 6 years I’ve just concentrated on bringing my 2 kids up, my career and making ends meet. I have a good life really, great family and friends but admittedly have been lonely for adult company. I go on holidays alone or with friends and am out most weekends doing sports or with friends.

All this is relevant as I don’t want anyone to think I’m just grasping at straws as I’m that desperate.

Anyway if I read on a thread on mumsnet what I’m about to post, I’d be rolling my eyes and jumping in with advice.

Here goes, 4 days ago I matched with someone on Tinder, there was an instant connection, and we went straight onto WhatsApp, at my suggestion. First red flag “instant connection” I mean what a load of shit, how can you “connect” with someone online??

We’ve talked on the phone a couple
of times, for 2 hours at a time. We laughed nonstop. It was just amazing.

Ok, second red flag …. He works abroad! I know! I know!! Although it’s 2 months away and 1 month home in the UK.

Third red flag- he’s 13 years younger than me! Tall, good looking and from what I can gather from the job he does, very financially secure. He has 2 young adult kids who he see regularly and an ex who isn’t a psycho.

Look I’m a veteran of on-line dating, and I’ve seen it all, but this guy I feel is 100% genuine! Although … 4th red flag I can’t find him on social media and I can normally find anyone!

Right vipers getting ready for the punchline. He’s home in 10 days and … I’m picking him up from the airport!

WTF! I am so excited, we’re talking about a future together. WE HAVEN’T EVEN MET!

He says he feels the same, he’s not gone as far to declare his undying love but he’s said loads of amazingly sweet things. It doesn’t feel like love bombing. He’s only (so he says) been in 2 relationships.

Wish I could enable voting on the App, but I’m being stupidly naive eh?

Should add, I'm in my 50's

@JingleSnowmanTree
I'm afraid I have absolutely no idea why you've put those faces. Do you think getting in a car with a complete stranger is a wise idea?

@GreenSilks

how far from you does he live?

what's the plan when you've picked him up?

can you navigate your way to where you're taking him whilst having just met him? I make a complete arse if getting home from the airport by myself, let alone in this kind of situation.

if you're SURE you've got plenty of people checking up on you, then go for it. It might turn out that you think he's a knob IRL, but you might also meet someone special!

you're my age, old enough to have made GOID friends & reliable safety plans!!

Op. Maybe this guy is your soul mate and you'll be together forever and ever. That will still be true if you meet him for a coffee in a public place the day after he lands. There is absolutely no benefit whatsoever to you to pick him up from the airport. Plenty for him.

@arethereanyleftatall

because I was out of polite words.

shes driving her car, I don't think it's a massive risk. Different if he was picking her up in a foreign country.

Does he show up on 192.com in his home town? There might be an electoral register record that shows his ex-wife's name and evidence that they lived together. Might come up with his current address if he still lives in the UK one month out of three.

Even if the risk is small @JingleSnowmanTree, there is zero value to taking it.

Please say you've video chatted with him.

Stop and think about what you’re modelling to your children here (are they daughters?)

Even if nothing bad happens to you, what about when one of them thinks oh well mum did X and it was fine…then they go and meet a complete stranger at the airport having no evidence of their being genuine and having built them up as their future spouse?

If nothing else, picking him up at the airport is making you look totally desperate to him. It also has the potential to be so unbelievably awkward never mind dangerous. Why wouldn’t you just meet him for a date after he’s home? Sounds like you’ve made your mind up so good luck but honestly, not sure what you’re thinking!

Be really careful OP. A friend of mine who is very far from stupid was romance scammed and lost a lot of money.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4966231-to-think-some-romance-scam-victims-are-simply-stupid

My money's on he doesn't turn up at airport and then there's a call/message that it's because of an emergency that he needs £10,000+ for.

I wish you all the very best op - and I do hope he is the one for you - but please at least meet him in the airport in a public coffee shop and let him catch the train or taxi home. Then if you meet up again do so in a restaurant in another public place.

There’s no rush is there? It’s never a bad idea to be a bit reserved and make them work a bit 😀. Also, you really need to prioritise your safety. Please don’t let anyone in your car who you don’t really know. I’m surprised he is happy to be met tbh and not concerned about it (you) too.

No sm wouldn’t be a red flag for me and I know lots of people who work abroad. BUT they could both be potential red flags so please be careful.

Why would someone want to be collected at the airport in this situation? Wouldnt he be feeling tired/stressed etc from travelling?

Agreed esp given his age

Whose idea was it to meet at the airport?

Bloody hell OP - do NOT let a stranger into your car, that's beyond stupid. If your DD or one of your friends was planning this, what would you say to them??

Everything else is sounding dodgy but feasible.

To answer some questions. Sorry if I missed yours.

Good grief my kids don't know! Why would they? They know nothing of my dating exploits :) occasionally they'll see me dressed up and ask if I'm going on a date. But I never discuss it with them. In fact they love for me to find someone. Never had a man stay over, while they're here.

Yes it's completely mad to let a stranger into my car. You have no argument with me there.

Can't find him on the online electoral roll, (192).

Have reversed searched his picture. No matches.

Have I FaceTimed? NO. But that's on me, as didn't want to. He didn't ask. But we will tonight , I'll push for it. I'll sort my hair out and try and look semi-presentable then suggest FaceTime.

He hasn’t asked for money! That would be instant block. No way would I give randomer money. In fact I would’ve give anyone money.

It's just all too good to be true.

Reading your replies is bringing me sharply back to ground! Thanks oh wise Vipers.

And maybe just maybe he isn't a catfish but this is the beginning of something lovely! Haha

But things like that don't happen to me.

This. With an Apple tag in your pocket connected to your friend to appease your mother (or mine at least) 🤣

Red flag ahoy. Far more sensible to meet in public place for coffee, and this has romance scam all over it. Sorry OP. Meet, safely, and be cynical.

This is a wind-up right?

I'm wondering if this is the new front for those mysterious Nigerian Billionaires that died and left you a fortune.

You wouldn't give a randomer money but you'd get in a car with him?

You are mad. Seriously, is this a wind up, because I can't believe a woman in her fifties would do something so silly.

How long before his mother/father/child/dog needs an urgent operation and he just can't access his finds right now but will pay you back as soon as.

This /\ /\ /\

Please come back and update us after your facetime call. I'm so hoping, that beyond all reason its all a goer and it works out!

I'm more interested in why u holiday alone or with friends but what about the kids?