This is another porn thing, isn’t it?

[Nastra]

It’s not a problem really but it made me wonder because it was weird.
I believe my DP and I are generally fairly open with one another. I don’t mind if he initiates something while I am asleep and vice versa because we both wake up and only engage if in the mood. A while ago he asked me could I pretend to be asleep while he did things. I was ok trying it but it was actually just weird and boring at the same time and not my thing and nothing I need to do again.
Yesterday he asked if I’d ever consider taking a sleeping tablet so I’d sleep heavily and he could tell me the next day what he did. The simple answer is “no” because I think it’s kind of creepy plus the fact that I wouldn’t take any medication just for fun.
He was fine with that and agreed that he’d probably find it creepy too if it was the other word around, so I think this is settled but it made me wonder. I couldn’t think of anything less appealing and I wonder if many people actually do this? I assume it’s a porn thing that isn’t really done in real life?

I’ve been thinking about this thread and what concerns me is that he may have asked you knowing you would say no, but the act of you saying no might be actually fuelling his fantasy?

For example, if he were to drug you without your knowledge and rape you, he may be even more excited about the fact he knows you have told him no.

Lets get real, if he’s having rape fantasises then this is a real possibility. So to those saying ‘at least he’s asked’ I feel there is a disgusting reason for him asking and it’s nothing to do with concern for the OP and he boundaries.

So op. What’s next? Are you going to tell him all of these things and ask a few more questions?

Does he take photos or film as part of your sexual repertoire OP? Because I'd be seriously worried about what he's doing with those images.

Oh god.

That didn't even occur to me, but now you've said it...

Any man who can get aroused by an unresponsive person is a dangerous man.

Wtaf what a weirdo

What sort of person wants to have sex with someone who is unconscious and can't respond or consent to the things being done to them? Not a good one. And not one I'd allow anywhere near me.

Enthusiastic consent is the ONLY consent.

Therefore, a sleeping person can't consent to anything.

Weird thought, did you often get drunk when you first started dating? Did he often 'look after' you? Just a thought.

Bloody hell. Not normal and enough of a red flag for me to run. Why on earth would you want your sexual partner to be unconscious while you had sex with them!?! Absolutely no chance of consent.

This has to be one of the most disgusting and sad things I have read here. How the hell can you ignore how twisted this is?

I'm pretty open-minded, but this is absolutely disgusting. He wants you to consent to his drug-rape fantasy. Beyond gross.

This did occur to me. There are no words. I would run.

WTF! This made me feel sick.
And him asking for it so casually as if it’s something normal.
If you can please confide in someone

Sex should be passionate and shared. This sounds as if you are being used as a masturbating machine.

@Nastra
Grim. Phone the police. What a sicko.

The police?

It was a conversation.

OP didn’t say she had a rape ‘fantasy’.

I’m so bloody tired of violence against women being passed off as a ‘kink’ or a ‘dom thing’.

I can’t roll my eyes enough.

Really? I'd be thinking bigger picture and asking myself whether I want to be with someone admitting to these thought processes, testing it out to see what he can get away with.

It speaks volumes about his general attitude to women, that they're basically good as an inanimate object for his pleasure. how can that be OK?

I'd be setting my expectations a lot higher. Gives me the ick just thinking about it.

@daisychain01 I agree, lots of posters have taken the situation to extremes (other men, risk of death) and although these are very real risks, it's bad enough as it is imo, what he wants out of sex is that she not be there. His ideal, his fantasy is that she is unable to react, respond, feel, observe, perceive, recall, it's just repulsive, to me. I would be so turned off by the revelation that this was his fantasy. He is basically fantasing that sex is not communication, reciprocity, honesty, vulnerability, nope, he's alone for this experience. Op only there as a prop.

What a turn off. If a man told me this was his fantasy, eugh, the turn off

It really is as bad as it gets, @ChanelNo19EDT that a woman comes on here and is OK with their partner even asking the question.

We need to raise awareness that the thought process is bad enough to get rid of that low-life and have more self-esteem.

It's just not OK! Ever.