This is another porn thing, isn’t it?

[Nastra]

It’s not a problem really but it made me wonder because it was weird.
I believe my DP and I are generally fairly open with one another. I don’t mind if he initiates something while I am asleep and vice versa because we both wake up and only engage if in the mood. A while ago he asked me could I pretend to be asleep while he did things. I was ok trying it but it was actually just weird and boring at the same time and not my thing and nothing I need to do again.
Yesterday he asked if I’d ever consider taking a sleeping tablet so I’d sleep heavily and he could tell me the next day what he did. The simple answer is “no” because I think it’s kind of creepy plus the fact that I wouldn’t take any medication just for fun.
He was fine with that and agreed that he’d probably find it creepy too if it was the other word around, so I think this is settled but it made me wonder. I couldn’t think of anything less appealing and I wonder if many people actually do this? I assume it’s a porn thing that isn’t really done in real life?

The French lady had no idea her husband was drugging her

This is a major red flag and you should end this relationship immediately. I know you won't but I promise you really should. Speaking from personal experience it really is just a matter of time before he slips something in your drink before bed, if he hasn't already. If he is doing it now they'll be signs and you'll eventually realise but best you don't get there hon.

No idea if it’s a porn thing, maybe/probably but it definitely sounds like a rape fantasy and that alone would mean I couldn’t trust him from this point on.

Yeah I’m concerned he’s already started experimenting.

There are always signs and giveaways you pick up on in the end, pants put on back to front etc.

I’m glad you came back to say this. You can see that no one has vilified you. It’s not my thing but I know it’s not uncommon for women to fantasise about being raped or dominated which is essentially what you described. I don’t believe that you of other women who fantasises about this actually wants to be raped.

This man has been clear rape is something he wants to experience. He’s dangerous.

It’s upsetting because you know it’s dangerous

you know it’s likely he’s going to hurt you and might have already done something to other women

you wouldn’t have posted here for a laugh.

I can’t save you. None of us can. But you have a clear warning to run away and save yourself.

Im going to leave this thread because yes, it’s upsetting that people excuse this kind of thing.

That is absolutely fucked. I would be leaving first thing in the morning.

That poor lady in France hadn't picked up on any signs. And even if she had, it's a bit late after the event!

OP - just LTB and then you can be sure he isn't drugging and raping you.

Oh no, this is scary. I’d be worried about everything I ate or drank. Too creepy

Pretending to be asleep (but in reality being there in the moment and enjoying it) is a million miles from being unconscious with no say in what’s going on. He would literally be using your body for his pleasure, to do what he wants. I find that very disturbing.

Yeah that's disgusting to me 🤢 I get that people are into different things but I'd actually find that quite concerning. It brought to mind this story from France Telegraph link - husband drugged wife nightly

Well a government minister thought it was a suitable topic for a joke.

That's not even a porn thing, it's some kind of rape fantasy. You have no way of consenting if he's going to tell you what he did AFTER you wake up. And no way of knowing what he really did (and if he got others involved). It's sick and I'd have to say you need to get out now before he starts drugging you and acting on these sick fantasies. If he's asked you to pretend, and progressed to asking you to take a sleeping tablet, this will probably be the next step for him.

Jesus. I would get rid of this bloke before he took matters into his own hands.

Just wanted to send a hug as some of the replies are a bit blunt and you're probably feeling a bit worried by reading some of them.
I would suggest talking to him? Say it's made you a bit uncomfortable so you'd like to have more of a conversation about it, and see where it goes? The fact he's talked to you in the first place would suggest to me he's not a weirdo rapist, so I'd start with another conversation and see how you feel after that!
Anyway hope you're ok and all the best! X

Oh god, you're James Cleverly's wife, aren't you?

Please, if you're not going to leave him, at least put a secret camera in your bedroom, so that you at least find out if he's drugging and raping you without your knowledge.

I know you're upset with the replies, but you really do need to listen, men start off at the lower end of the scale, but their behaviour escalates, e.g. some men start with flashing, before moving onto sexual assault, then rape, then murder (look at that monster Wayne Couzens).

This fantasy that your partner has will not go away, he'll crave it more and more until he's either doing it to you without your knowledge, or he's going out and doing it to some poor, unsuspecting stranger.

This is the issue with “rape” fantasies though. If you are pretending/acting it out then it just isn’t rape. The whole “point” of rape is that you do not consent. You do not have a choice who, what, when and where. So no one can ever really “pretend” to be in the situation where they are drugged and raped because the key element to rape is a lack of consent.

This! WTF?! You can't possibly consent because you've no idea what he wants to do and he doesn't want to tell you until after. He's literally asking permission to rape you. Which is totally messed up. It's horrific he'd even think it in the first place, and be turned on by the idea too, let alone think it's ok to voice it! He's nasty.

My DH’s ex asked him to drug him and do this to her. She ordered the pill online apparently but then changed her mind and threw it. Just giving a different perspective where the female partner asked for it to be done to her.

Was your DH prepared to do it?

I'm hoping he said a firm no?

He said it wasn’t his thing and hasn’t brought up anything like it again with me

He is a rapist!!!
I can't believe you're even on here seeking validation! I've heard it all now!!!!!

It’s a strange thing- I wonder whether it’s something one might think you like the idea of but realise you couldn’t possibly do it.

As in, a superficial curiosity but if someone pointed out that it’s -
essentially necrophilia and rape
reduces your partner to an object
removes her capacity wrefuse consent at any point and leaves her vulnerable to abuse

i mean, no loving man would do that when he realised the implications, surely?

Amd no it’s not a porn thing, it’s a crime happening around the country every night.

Bill Cosby. Lest we forget.