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Original poster

This is another porn thing, isn’t it?

220 replies

Nastra · 02/01/2024 19:56

It’s not a problem really but it made me wonder because it was weird.
I believe my DP and I are generally fairly open with one another. I don’t mind if he initiates something while I am asleep and vice versa because we both wake up and only engage if in the mood. A while ago he asked me could I pretend to be asleep while he did things. I was ok trying it but it was actually just weird and boring at the same time and not my thing and nothing I need to do again.
Yesterday he asked if I’d ever consider taking a sleeping tablet so I’d sleep heavily and he could tell me the next day what he did. The simple answer is “no” because I think it’s kind of creepy plus the fact that I wouldn’t take any medication just for fun.
He was fine with that and agreed that he’d probably find it creepy too if it was the other word around, so I think this is settled but it made me wonder. I couldn’t think of anything less appealing and I wonder if many people actually do this? I assume it’s a porn thing that isn’t really done in real life?

OP posts:
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Estelle74uk · 02/01/2024 21:22

I think people are just taking it a tad too far. You discussed it and agreed no. Both of u.

He is your partner and you trust him.

Don't listen x

brainworms · 02/01/2024 21:22

If it wasn't clear from the replies here - get as far away from this man as possible.

flexigirl · 02/01/2024 21:23

I'm pretty sure Dennis nilsen and Jeffrey dahmer got their kicks out of sex with an unconscious person too. I'm sorry OP but I would find this really disturbing and I'm not a prude by any means. It's just creepy weird.

Uol2022 · 02/01/2024 21:24

OP’s partner brought up a fantasy somewhat related to things they’ve already tried, along with an idea for playing it out, then let the topic go when OP wasn’t comfortable with the idea. Sounds healthy to me. Lots of people have weird sexual fantasies, it’s waaaay better to talk about them with your partner than not.

TempyBrennan · 02/01/2024 21:24

surely even if you consent to the tablet and intercourse you’re not In A safe position to say ‘no’ during, in which time he could do absolutely anything to you without consent.

I find this to be the most perverse request ever.

premiur · 02/01/2024 21:24

Estelle74uk · 02/01/2024 21:22

I think people are just taking it a tad too far. You discussed it and agreed no. Both of u.

He is your partner and you trust him.

Don't listen x

Only on mumsnet would it be the people advising getting away from a man who wants to assault you whilst unconscious who are the wrong ones Confused

Can't roll my eyes hard enough at this.

It's easy to see how some women get into some awful relationships when they see nothing wrong here Sad

Missingmyusername · 02/01/2024 21:25

Quite close to necrophilia … it would give me the ick!

premiur · 02/01/2024 21:25

Uol2022 · 02/01/2024 21:24

OP’s partner brought up a fantasy somewhat related to things they’ve already tried, along with an idea for playing it out, then let the topic go when OP wasn’t comfortable with the idea. Sounds healthy to me. Lots of people have weird sexual fantasies, it’s waaaay better to talk about them with your partner than not.

'Sounds healthy'

Sad depressing as fuck.

oakleaffy · 02/01/2024 21:25

Nastra · 02/01/2024 19:56

It’s not a problem really but it made me wonder because it was weird.
I believe my DP and I are generally fairly open with one another. I don’t mind if he initiates something while I am asleep and vice versa because we both wake up and only engage if in the mood. A while ago he asked me could I pretend to be asleep while he did things. I was ok trying it but it was actually just weird and boring at the same time and not my thing and nothing I need to do again.
Yesterday he asked if I’d ever consider taking a sleeping tablet so I’d sleep heavily and he could tell me the next day what he did. The simple answer is “no” because I think it’s kind of creepy plus the fact that I wouldn’t take any medication just for fun.
He was fine with that and agreed that he’d probably find it creepy too if it was the other word around, so I think this is settled but it made me wonder. I couldn’t think of anything less appealing and I wonder if many people actually do this? I assume it’s a porn thing that isn’t really done in real life?

Definitely a porn kink
Especially the sleeping pill....
Stephen Port, the murderer of young men had a kink about this- to the point of drugging them so he could rape their unconscious bodies.

He killed them with GHB a date rape drug.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-58800989

Stephen Port

Stephen Port: Serial killer was 'obsessed' with drug rape

Serial killer Stephen Port raped and murdered four men with fatal overdoses of the drug GHB.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-58800989

RinklyRomaine · 02/01/2024 21:26

I'd be worried if you didn't find it upsetting, tbh. It might sound like scaremongering, but your allegedly loving partner wants to try sex on you while you are completely unconscious. Not just unresponsive, but unaware. Why? What does he want to do? Why does he want sex with you that you are completely unable to enjoy or participate in? Either he wants to do things to you he can't do while you are conscious, or he wants to turn you into an inanimate object. I cannot see anything 'harmless' about that at all.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 02/01/2024 21:27

Estelle74uk · 02/01/2024 21:22

I think people are just taking it a tad too far. You discussed it and agreed no. Both of u.

He is your partner and you trust him.

Don't listen x

He asked to rape her. Literally.

Trust is foolish when you're dealing with a man who openly wants to rape women.

Cas112 · 02/01/2024 21:28

He's practically fantasising about raping you

If he's open with this I dread to think what he's not open about

LolaSmiles · 02/01/2024 21:28

Uol2022

This isn't just about talking about ways to spice things up in the bedroom though. It's a man who gets his kicks from the idea of performing sex acts on a woman who cannot give or withdraw consent.

There's a lot of things that I'd file under "not for me, but if someone else likes it then we're all different" and I'd not view them differently. Anyone wanting to remove someone's ability to consent would be a giant red flag that they're a creep and potentially dangerous.

Blondebutnotlegally · 02/01/2024 21:30

This is ONLY going to escalate. Maybe not with you.

2jacqi · 02/01/2024 21:31

@Nastra and how would you know whether or not he is filming you?? this would be way too risky!

MumblesParty · 02/01/2024 21:32

It sounds to me as if he just wants a shag without having to think of your enjoyment, bit like an incredibly realistic inflatable sex doll. Yuk.

MrsKeats · 02/01/2024 21:33

You're finding the answers upsetting!!
What did you expect?
Come on,

Orio2023 · 02/01/2024 21:34

Yesterday he asked if I’d ever consider taking a sleeping tablet so I’d sleep heavily and he could tell me the next day what he did

The fucking gall of him.

Notts90 · 02/01/2024 21:35

You'd be an an absolute idiot to stay with him after this.

He's telling you who he is.

Listen.

SwordToFlamethrower · 02/01/2024 21:39

If my husband suggested this to me, it wouldn't matter that I said no and he said "ok". I'd be packing my bags and leaving at the earliest opportunity.

Trust is gone. I wouldn't be able to trust a man who wants to use my body for his own gratification, removing my ability to give consent to any act he wanted to perform on me.

Absolutely the trust would be gone and I'd be fearing for my life.

It's no good saying "he'd never hurt me". He wants to rape you while you're unconscious. That is his fantasy.

You're a thing to him.

You must know this deep down, or you wouldn't have posted about it here!

BillieJ · 02/01/2024 21:41

I've watched too much true crime for this to sound OK. It's so easy for someone who wants to drug someone to do it, and how would you ever know if it was happening.

But I also get that it's different this time with this man because you have a relationship, trust and he's just a normal man. But that's the danger - for every man who is obviously controlling and violent, there is another who can present as a loving husband and father while seeking situations and people who will allow them to carry out fantasies of whatever it is they. want - rape, violence and worse.

Then there is the added element of porn validating these fantasies and allowing men to hook up and share.

CaramelMac · 02/01/2024 21:42

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

This isn’t licking armpits or a tap with a whip, he wants to have sex with your unconscious, unresponsive body, but not only that he doesn’t want to agree what he will do in advance, he wants to tell you (whatever edited version he decides) the next day.

If he doesn’t rape you he’ll rape someone else, start packing now.

Thelineofbeauty · 02/01/2024 21:43

As others have said this sounds like he wants non consensual sex. This isn’t from porn and isn’t normal. I think it’s irrelevant that you don’t believe he would drug you so he can have sex with you while you are unconscious.

Thats not the point. His “kink” is rape. He is dangerous to you and other people.

Seeingadistance · 02/01/2024 21:45

Jackiebrambles · 02/01/2024 20:32

Well that’s terrifying. Watch what you eat and drink when you are with him.

That's what I was thinking. How would you know if he drugged you anyway, and didn't tell you!

TravelInHope · 02/01/2024 21:46

LTB.
Men are such vile creatures.