Are any of you quite sad about ‘where you’ve ended up’ in life, despite your very best efforts?

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

I’m sad to say, I think I am 😞

Have had a few hefty life blows along route (haven’t we all) and whilst still standing, I’m pretty sad about where it’s left me (on the inside). Not the type of sad you can just shake off or fake it till you make it either. Only the energy to keep on keeping on, not the energy to ‘make my life miles better with what I now know’ type thing.

guess I’m just looking for a little solidarity on this pensive evening x

Yes. I know exactly how you feel.

I wake up in the night sad about this.

I did my best, but life has not been kind or fair. Not ending up where I wanted is not the worse thing about my life, but it is a sadness nonetheless.

Added to that, I made some poor financial decisions that now, as I approach 50, I'm massively regretting but only have my younger self to blame.

I wish I didn't feel like this but I do.

Thanks for your reply. Well, have a hug from little old me. I am a fabulous hugger and I’ll even make you a nice cuppa with a biccie x

Of course. But when I consider everything that was against me, I'm amazed I got this far. Keep breathing, one step in front of the other. Focus on 'this moment, now' and enjoy every tiny thing you possibly can. x

I suffer from this, but it's definitely more of a me problem than a my life problem if that makes sense. I was bullied at school, and it left me with a real yearning to be spectacular in some way. My life is fine (house, husband, kids), but I am extremely average, below average in some regards, and it makes me sad that I was never able to prove to my own satisfaction that they were all wrong about me.
I also tend to place very high value on things I can't do, and very little on things I can. It's a hard mindset to get out of.

Yep i do. I've wanted to post about it for a while on here, but think it might mean perhaps people judge me for the way I've ended up.

So I guess I can say, against the odds, I'm still going. But it is bloody hard at times and I find myself thinking "Well, I was saved as a premature baby and adopted into a loving home, yet I'm still not a happy person and feel pathetic about who I am."

Then I give myself a bit of a slap and tell myself to get on with life, as there are people who are much worse off than me. ✨️

You sound very kind and sweet, OP.

I think you should be proud of who you are. 🥰❤️

Have a hug back from me, and a yummy chocolate truffle 🥰😘

PS Does anyone know why I can't watch threads any more? The "watch thread" function seems to have disappeared...

Ignore my question at the end of my post, I found the drop down list lol 😆

I feel like this. I'm mid 30s. Struggling to make ends meet. Self employed in a dead end career. But completely unemployable. made some stupid personal and financial mistakes which I will be paying for indefinitely and have long term implications for me. My health is crap and slowly recovering from cancer. I have ASD and adhd. In constant state of anxiety waiting for the next disaster.
If I could exit the game without leaving a trail of destruction behind me I probably would. But I won't because It would hurt too many people

Yes I feel this way too. I do have lots to be grateful for (house, kids, friends ok job, health) but I feel that life is just a series of getting through things rather than actually enjoying any of it.

I'm 50 and feel like life is passing me by. I should be doing on line dating, have interests - Start living my life for me but I just feel downtrodden and shit. I never envisaged a fabulous life. I didn't think about it at all but I know the only person who can turn this around is me. It's no one else's responsibility- but where to start?!!

@carerneedshelp Solidarity from an audhder. Therapy hasn't 'fixed' my anxiety but it's helped. There's a book my best therapist recommended, 'Mind over Mood'. Some of the exercises were helpful.

Yes in my 30s I had a professional job, 3dc and a nice home.
Got really ill, was retired on ill health grounds (the paperwork actually says 'will never work again in any job'). Had to move house, now on benefits, have very limited ability and rely on my dc to do a lot for me. So yes I am not where I planned/imagined I'd be. It constantly upsets me (especially when people moan about having to go to work or people on benefits are lazy). I miss the routine, social aspects, independence and financially being able to support us. 10 years in I have come to accept it because I was making myself ill fighting it (sometimes I feel like others think I've given up but it's actually quite the opposite, everyday is a fight). I only wish the benefits system was different because that gives me the biggest stress of all.
So life hasn't turned out as I planned but it is what it is.

I tried, I really did. Now on benefits in my 40s with no prospects for anything more. I know I am a huge disappointment to my parents.

I think this is one of the loveliest and most heart warming comments I've ever read on Mumsnet! You sound wonderful. Sorry life hasn't panned out the way you thought! I feel in the same boat (expected I'd have the husband, dog and house with a big kitchen) I have a good job in a poorly paid industry and am a single mother, who's ex pays very little for his child! On the plus side I have freedom and am not stuck in a miserable relationship, I'm fiercely independent, kind and stronger than most people I know xxxx

Thanks for being gracious in letting me know I’m not alone. Kind of knew I wouldn’t be … but… social media paints it like everyone’s thriving, acing life and knows exactly where they’re going.

Not me!

Yes. Everything fell apart in my mid-forties: divorce, deaths, illness, redundancy. I got bad advice and was in no shape to go against it. Still living the consequences. I don't like them. That said, I'm safe now (was homeless twice). I'm grateful - and disappointed.

I have had some fantastic times; I've been very lucky in that respect. With hindsight, my life was characterised by instability - I was always pushing a boundary and, had I been a steadier individual, I might have weathered the 'falling apart' years better. It's no guarantee; that sort of thing can break the strong, but the choices I'd made did leave me vulnerable. I had some big faults resulting from my upbringing, which I didn't even see until a breakdown forced me into therapy. I'm stuck here now! Wiser, but sadder.

One of my favourite sayings these days, @Pleasegivemeyourwisdom, is "Muddle through!" I don't know your story, but I can tell you that muddling through is something to be proud of 😉

Absolutely. All I ever imagined was having a happy loving family, financial security , loving partner. None of this has happened. And I think it's my own fault for not realising my potential, bad choices and being lazy .

Not only am I not where I thought I’d be, but things are about to get drastically worse. I see quite a bleak future tbh.

@EverDecreasingStandards Just standing with you. x

I definitely think that the saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is so true.

After a head injury and post concussion syndrome, then being injured by an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety after the head injury, I've been living the past 9 years with a neurological involuntary movement disorder that has to be seen to be believed. It is both bizarre, frustrating, and utterly different, yet totally avoidable which is why I get so angry at myself for agreeing to take some medication that would negatively affect my life permanently. Of course, hindsight is marvellous, but we don't all have a crystal ball.

If you had told me in my 20s that i woulg spend my life from mid-30s with a condition that is a combination of Tourette's and Parkinson's disease, and be able to do nothing to change it, I'd have looked at you in utter astonishment.

The reality is something like a nightmare but I get through it by focusing on my beautiful children, wonderful supportive family, and knowing that nothing stays the same forever. We need to all be kind, whatever we are doing or going through. Life is so short, I think it needs to be appreciated a moment at a time, even if this feels like forever.

Another one here. Great real thread thanks.
Turned 50 in October, relationship came to an awfully abrupt end week before my birthday, hadn’t envisioned being single again. OK job but I hate it. Odd relationships with parents. Ex-H mother just passed away, family only at funeral that hurts. Share a bedroom with DS in a 2 bed trying to sell. 2 beautiful DC’s thankfully otherwise I most likely wouldn’t be around.

Yes. I'm not where I would be despite being so tough and ploughing on through all sorts of trauma and ill health. I have worked so damn hard, always, but life just keeps chucking out blows.

And others just seem to breeze through life.

I think this when I meet people who are like "how I should have been". Particularly healthy slim people who don't realise I looked like that too until I got ill and had to take heaps of medication

Me too. My life has mostly been very difficult and sad. Thanks for this thread. Hugs to all.

Yeah…life didn’t quite pan out the way I thought it would. I love my life now, don’t get me wrong, but I thought I’d have…I don’t know…adventures? Live in exotic places, travel around the world. Maybe I’m just hitting the age when you realise that this is it…I may never go to Iceland or the Great Barrier Reef or work in an animal sanctuary in Africa. What I do won’t right a great injustice or change the world. And it’s so stupid because those are kids’ dreams - and people everywhere are sick, dying, unable to afford their heating, victims of violence and I’m sad that I may never see timber wolves in the wild or open a tapas bar in the Costa del Sol. But I have a husband who loves me, two cats that slightly more than tolerate me and I’ve built a career I’m good at and enjoy. Our adventures are adult ones - we’ve got a lovely house we’re about to start remodelling and we’re TTC.

But still…something’s…missing. It makes me sad.

Yep. Suspect audhd but haven't got around to doing the forms.

Unlike previous poster I don't have the great career or house to work on . We're really squished and the thought I tried to do it all right (good degrees etc) and failed is crap.

Have some wonderful people in my life and a lovely daughter. However the collapse of my first marriage and a move aggravated my ill health and ultimately ended a career I loved and had worked hard for.
I now have carer responsibilities for my mother and husband which will only increase. I'm not optimistic about the future.