Are any of you quite sad about ‘where you’ve ended up’ in life, despite your very best efforts?

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

I’m sad to say, I think I am 😞

Have had a few hefty life blows along route (haven’t we all) and whilst still standing, I’m pretty sad about where it’s left me (on the inside). Not the type of sad you can just shake off or fake it till you make it either. Only the energy to keep on keeping on, not the energy to ‘make my life miles better with what I now know’ type thing.

guess I’m just looking for a little solidarity on this pensive evening x

Ah. Sorry 💐

I hate my life even though I try not to .

I pressed the nuclear button , and self destructed mid 40s . Lost everything.

Now I'm old , disabled , and alone . Pointless going into details . I'm awaiting a diagnosis and if it's what I think it's going to be I'm joining dignitas. There is no making anything right anymore and I'm tired .

Great thread and a lot of points to consider.

Can especially empathise with the unfair advantage a private education/middle class upbringing gives you.... leads to a lot of confidence and self esteem.

Yes, love it! But it kind of makes me feel sad that I don’t have the guts to do it. Some of they’re stories really are inspiring.

One day I will just make a change!

One continuous thread here is the high cost of being the most stable and functional person supporting and caring for less stable, less functional, or otherwise needy family members. Poverty, illness, family collapse, children or elders with increased needs, poor support from society/NHS for caregivers all conspire to crush women—especially women because they seldom flee their caregiver role.

As others have said. This thread is beautifully honest and heartbreaking.

I am a week or so on from posting about my own life and I am feeling slightly more positive. I know my problem is not the case for most on here but I was drinking too much to cope with the stress, sadness and 'losery' feelings. I am currently doing dry jan and whilst all of the same problems are here, I am at least feeling slightly more clarity about what baby steps I can take to improve things that I can improve.

Really tiny things like drinking more water, I have been out walking more, felt motivated to declutter a room in my house and have been going to bed earlier, remembering to take my AD pills and ge weakly feeling a bit more organised. All of these small things have not changed any of the big things - my DD is still autistic and too and anxious to go to school, I still have money worries, I'm still lonely. But I am starting to have glimmers of what other small changes I could make. The wine was acting as a real depressant.

Sorry I know this is just me and I'm sure many of here don't drink anyway but I just wanted to share what feels like some small steps in the right direction.

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit well done on finding those small positive steps. You're right, some big things can't be solved, but those little changes can bolster our resilience. I need to massively cut down on sugar. It's a prop to get me through sleep deprivation, but being obese results in having less energy and worse quality sleep. I've tried and failed to make that change so many times, so I applaud you and wish you well with getting through the month.

@OctoblocksAssemble

Yes it's hard isn't it. I have the alcohol thing but I have 3 good friends who have exactly the same but with sugar. They way we talk about our issues make them sound very similar.

I think dry jan is so big these days and there is so much support - I am on a group on here and a FB group and they are really helping. Is there anything similar to that but with sugar?

They are definitely similar in the sense of delivering a temporary high and a long term negative effect, I think.
I have been on some threads on here, but always dropped off before making much progress. Trying again is on the to do list, I just need to gather up the will power to do it.

@Scutterbug it's horrible isn't it :(

I feel like this. I'm 40 and my life is nothing like I thought it would be. I'm really lonely and generally quite unhappy. I also feel powerless to change it - so much of it feels out of my control or would require money that I don't have.

@pikkumyy77 I’m the emotional lynchpin for my family (luckily not carrying all the financial burden as well) and it’s draining. I want to be there for everyone, physically and emotionally, but sometimes I want to hide from everyone!

OTOH, I also don’t envy people of my age who don’t have this role so I know it’s a good fit for me. I’d just like a holiday from it sometimes. 😂

You do realise a lot of middle class children who are now adults are racked with doubts and insecurities.

I speak as one of those middle class people who had the private education. I was made to feel absolutely useless at school, not being the one in the top set meant you were ignored. If you weren't gifted in the science or maths subjects, no one really bothered with you. It may have changed now but back in the 90s it was like that.

We spend our lives being told we have an unfair advantage and that our background gets us jobs when it doesn't our hardwork does. We are told from a young age to work hard and have expectations on us to perform well.

I would have given up that private education if it meant I wasn't bullied relentlessly for years.

I hear what you’re saying

Thanks for adding to the thread x

I think it helps to reframe ‘succeeding’ as ‘winning’, particularly if you think of the ‘game’ of life as being like those ‘find the ball’ competitions which are lotteries in disguise.

The vast majority of us here are women, and women are held back a lot of the time just because they aren’t men, let alone all the other factors like childbearing and family demands. In addition disability is a factor, either one’s own or that of a family member. I myself was top of the class at school but couldn’t make it translate to a career, not helped by a congenital hearing loss that affects my social skills and hinders my performance on the phone. Had I had better science teaching at 14-16 (many of us suffered from gendered teaching), I might also have been able to choose a more stable and realistic career than ‘one with books’.

As a PP pointed out, success in a career depends on everything being in place, not just qualifications. When I think of the women who have had high-powered or even just solid careers, I now see that most of them had considerable family or spousal, or occasionally state, support on the way (financial or otherwise - think of Margaret Thatcher) and a fair few connections to the industry. This sort of success also requires a focus so intense it means you have to either sacrifice family life entirely or outsource it to a level which would make most of us feel like spectators. Don’t forget, Mrs T famously subsisted on four hours sleep a night which just isn’t doable for any regular human being.

Very true!

Don't blame your choices.

Many marries people with kids have arrested development.