Are any of you quite sad about ‘where you’ve ended up’ in life, despite your very best efforts?

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

I’m sad to say, I think I am 😞

Have had a few hefty life blows along route (haven’t we all) and whilst still standing, I’m pretty sad about where it’s left me (on the inside). Not the type of sad you can just shake off or fake it till you make it either. Only the energy to keep on keeping on, not the energy to ‘make my life miles better with what I now know’ type thing.

guess I’m just looking for a little solidarity on this pensive evening x

That's good to hear.

I don't think my age factors in but the last few years have been dad's illness and death, lockdown, mum being very ill.

So in an effort to distract myself from those things, I thought it might seem less upsetting if I had a better career.

My last big discontent phase was about 27 - 30 when I realised that the senior roles would be too stressful and too full of politics for me to navigate, and require a level of stamina that my health doesn't allow.

my best friend is director level now. She says "it's called work, not fun". I agree, but I'm happier having the time for a simpler life.

I do think if you are passionate about your work, that's great. But I've also seen disasters with people retraining - must look at that thread - and going into debt, to no avail.

I wish I’d had the guts/confidence/self-belief to start my own business in my line of work. I’m too old now but the older I get the more I realise most businesses owners are just winging it.

I think this is actually a big cause of my problems. As a single parent it's really hard to manage on (for example) a minimum wage job so I feel trapped in my current career choice. I'd love to do something more fulfilling or people focussed but I can't afford to. I think I crave that simple life but it feels so unachievable without a partner.

I feel very sad about my life. I am heading towards 50 and I have serious MH issues. I don’t really leave the house except for appointments. I sleep lots due to my medication. I’ve been sectioned multiple times. I have no friends left. My husband and children and parents are amazing but extended family are not interested. I have no quality of life. No job because I’m deemed too unwell and I probably am. I just feel deeply sad all the time.

@WantOutOfRatRace

Well, it's important to be realistic. I wouldn't chase fulfilment for less money. In my circle, a lot of us call new jobs "same shit, different postcode".

You are a parent and you are a lot younger than me so weren't priced out. I didn't have the house I wanted but I have a little flat. I know I am lucky.

I spent many years looking at the work as a means to an end. I get through the working day better when I see it as "mortgage paid, mouth shut".

Hopefully you can have a simpler, quieter life later?

I do feel this as I come up to 50. I have an inner hippie and I feel like I should be able to just step off my current life and live the hippie dream somewhere exotic but I don’t have the confidence or self belief so I’m stuck in my boring life.

I think I may be having a midlife crisis. My kids are grown and I'm Just a little lost I suppose.

Ive always been very academically average but I’ve done okay with a nursing career so I'm proud of that but I don’t enjoy it anymore and if I was a stronger person I would know my worth and move on or follow my hippie dream. Instead I just keep going!

@Theresit how old are you? 80? Too old?

Sometimes saying "I'm too old" is a shortcut for saying "I don't want to bust a gut any more".

"Life is what happens to us while we're making other plans".

F

Handing all my thread buddies a nice cuppa / glass of wine / drink of your choice .

I like to re read this thread to remind me that my ‘people’ are out there!

This was a very beautiful and moving thread. I just wanted to thank OP and everyone who contributed.

Haven’t RTFT.

I’m 49 and I’m pissed off with myself for making some stupid decisions along the way-through immaturity, short-sightedness and laziness. I wish I’d had more confidence and used my common sense more.

I’ve had some ongoing family issues to contend with since childhood such as sick parents, both physically and mentally and lack of support. But, you have to live with those things and there’s no point blaming others.

At this point, I deliberately focus on the positives and accept that I can’t undo my past mistakes. I don’t compare myself to other people either, that’s not going to help me!

My advice is focus on the positives in your life, OP, keep trying your best. 💐

I think this is a really beautiful thread for what it's worth ❤️

Ain't that the truth - Both in good and bad ways!

Yep, I'm 50. Single parent. Too many dc. 3 youngest have various SEND.
Spent years trying to sort schools etc.

No job, career, rent a council house, no money and not even a car.

I've no one to blame but myself.
I wasted opportunities and I'm lazy. Always have been.

Now my health is deteriorating rapidly and my future is incredibly bleak.

I have a great job, amazing children, and fantastic friends and family. It all looks great. However, I feel so lost and lonely. The spark isn't there and I have off the scale anxiety to the extent I cannot enjoy the things I have. I would
Love inner peace.

Thanks for being my buddies!

@Doyouthinktheyknow Do u watch Ben Fogle New lives in the wild? Lots of inspiring stories on there!

It is a really interesting thread. I always think it is never too late and we don't have to accept things. We might not be able to change the big things but can maybe change the little things. For example get up half an hour earlier and do something you love. Easier said than done I know.
I listened to a podcast the other day. We are always waiting for something to happen and 'get there' in life but then you realise it is never gonna happen. So true, so just focus on the small pleasures!

Yes, focus on the small pleasures is a good tip!

Too old for the business loan required.

I hear you. I feel sad, my life isn't how I expected at all. I grew up with foster parents, tricky childhood, lots of trauma. When I met my exh I threw myself into being the mum I never had, building my children's childhood into one I never had, for the first time in my life I truly belonged somewhere. I had my own family and no one could take that away. But, it all came crashing down around my ears when he had an affair. I really lost everything. In amongst this my foster parents died. 8 years on and some days I feel stuck, overwhelmed with sadness at all the loss and heartbreak. My kids are teenagers, both badly affected from a truly nasty divorce. Job wise I am self employed, not in a job that society places any value on but it allows me to pay my bills and provide for my kids. I don't have a pension and that worries me. But ultimately the sadness is there, it doesn't matter how much I try to focus on the positives. I can plod along but it's always there underneath. I miss my family life and know I can never get that back.

I’m with you.

I think we’re sold a complete lie to make us compliant. Work hard and you’ll get what you deserve. And that can be everything. Which, it turns out, is nonsense. How people fare seems to me to have very little to do with how hard they work but rather it’s more about: your family and how stable and emotionally well they are; how much money your family have and who they know; how much confidence you have; and how lucky you are.

I had an abusive and volatile childhood and thought if I could be academically really strong (and I worked very, very hard - even as an early teen), then I could have everything I wanted and, critically, be happy. I was one of the brightest in my year and got the best scores and grades.

Instead I worked really hard and my childhood meant I couldn’t recognise a healthy relationship so ended up in a nasty codependent relationship for 7 years between late teens and mid 20s. I’ve suffered with significant mental health issues since I was about 11 and despite trying for years with therapy and antidepressants I don’t know I’m any better than I would be if I hadn’t tried those.

Hard work hasn’t protected me against the loss of my son and my brother; against my husband nearly dying from pneumonia 4 years ago; being diagnosed with an immune system disorder; my children having significant mental health issues of their own flowing from their autism; my mother becoming increasingly unwell as she ages with a long term incurable cancer and suspected dementia.

I cannot find any peace with where my life has ended up. My job is stressful and we can’t afford for me to do anything else because my children need private health care therapies which the NHS simply will not offer. And so I am stuck at 48 being overweight, mentally unwell, in a job I loathe, unable to travel, eat out or go on holidays because any of those activities are too stressful for my children.

Simply, I worked hard but that did nothing to offset an abusive family, poor support and bad luck. I wish I could have a simple life - I’d like to live away from most people where my children could blossom and my husband (who is also neurodiverse) could walk, read, cycle and pooter about to his heart’s content. And where I could just have peace and not have to be so very aware of how much my initial promise has spoiled. I’d like to not work in such a competitive male orientated, non flexible, money focused, box ticking, reality ignoring hellhole. One which is humane and understands what being human means - caring for others, caring for yourself and supporting each other. Not being in some ridiculous dick waving competition.

Bless you, this is one of the saddest posts I've read on here. I'm so sorry you are so unhappy with so many aspects of your life 😔 And I understand, truly, what you mean when you say that hard work is no protection against failing health or loss of loved ones.

I worked incredibly hard in my youth, and was very academic, trying my best at most subjects in spite of not being naturally bright at some like maths. Had a good education, lots of opportunities in my comfortable childhood, went to a good co-ed grammar school, and gained a good degree.

Yet, it didn't prove to be worth it really, as it didn't protect me against my brother's early death from cancer, my ectopic pregnancy, and my head injury, post concussion syndrome, and subsequent iatrogenic injury from an off label antipsychotic.

It didn't prove protection against my genes being susceptible to anxiety, high sensitivity to hormonal fluctuations, and a seemingly ongoing inability to stop being such a spendthrift .

Your very brave and honest post resonated with me so much. You seen extremely articulate and intelligent, and I agree that luck, circumstances and opportunities (both good and bad) are all vital factors in the roll of the dice, and whether your life is going towards the future you prefer.

I hope you find peace and happiness 💗❤️