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Original poster

I don’t want to drive this far, please suggest alternatives or do I have to do it

316 replies

Violet877 · 29/12/2023 13:55

DH has booked us a holiday for a week abroad and arranged with his mum that she will have our two year old. We go in two months. His mum lives up north and we live down south so he’s booked our flights from Manchester, so he’s told me I need to drive us to his mums. I stupidly agreed as felt I had to. He doesn’t drive.

im a nervous driver and he knows this, and haven’t driven further than outside London. He wants me to drive as we have all of child stuff his mum needs like car seat, pram, and also our stuff to go away for a week. So he doesn’t want to get the train.

Im feeling very nervous about this (on top of guilt of leaving our 2 year old :( ) and pressured, as he’s booked the cheapest flight so many stop overs, plus have to do the journey back and the idea sounds tiring even though I’m sure we will have a lovely holiday once there. Driving will be easiest in terms of carrying all our stuff, and will probably be about 5 hours no traffic, so I assume 8 hours it’s traffic and breaks.

can anyone please make any suggestions of how else I could do it without driving to suggest to him? Or do I just get on with it.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/12/2023 13:57

I would just bite the bullet and do it- it used to help me on new journeys to google the journey and do a street view- didn’t feel so new or daunting then.

Tilllly · 29/12/2023 13:57

Very easy for a non-driver to tell you to do this

I would just do it and not worry about it, but obviously you are nervous about it

Could you maybe have a driving lesson to help you with it? You know like people have driving lessons to go on motorways

And for the return journey, could you book a hotel overnight before you set off back?

Crabble · 29/12/2023 13:59

Were you consulted about leaving your daughter for a week and flying on the cheapest possible flights with lots of stopovers to go on this holiday?

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Decorhate · 29/12/2023 13:59

Surely it would have been easier for his mum to come to your house, where there is everything that’s needed for your dc, and you fly from an airport that is local to you. But probably too late to change the flights now I guess?

pinkyredrose · 29/12/2023 13:59

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Daisies12 · 29/12/2023 13:59

I mean it sounds like you really don’t want the holiday. Why is he in charge of everything? Can’t his mum come to yours to babysit? Surely easier as everything there and it’s familiar

TurkeyTrotToXmas · 29/12/2023 13:59

Ship the kid stuff to his mum's and take the train?

But honestly, if you can manage driving in London you can drive anywhere! 👍

Caspianberg · 29/12/2023 14:00

I would also just do it. Maybe travel a day earlier and stop off on route? When we did 6hr drives recently when Ds was 2, we would leave after breakfast, aim to drive 2.5-3hrs, and stopped off at somewhere like a petting zoo, woodland park, museum with kids stuff. Then toddler can eat lunch and run around and play, and then continue second half of drive and hopefully they fall asleep from running around

pinkyredrose · 29/12/2023 14:01

Also the motorways will be a lot easier than driving in London.

theduchessofspork · 29/12/2023 14:01

Driving - just get on with it. It will do you good.

Holiday - did you agree to this?! And all the stopovers??

Original poster
Violet877 · 29/12/2023 14:01

Daisies12 · 29/12/2023 13:59

I mean it sounds like you really don’t want the holiday. Why is he in charge of everything? Can’t his mum come to yours to babysit? Surely easier as everything there and it’s familiar

His mum won’t come here, I asked that. It would be better.

OP posts:
Original poster
Violet877 · 29/12/2023 14:02

theduchessofspork · 29/12/2023 14:01

Driving - just get on with it. It will do you good.

Holiday - did you agree to this?! And all the stopovers??

I didn’t agree to the stopovers no, I’m not happy about that but he says he really needs this holiday…

OP posts:
BliniLover · 29/12/2023 14:04

What is it about the journey that worries you? It may help people to suggest solutions.

Is it roads you aren't familiar with? If so, you do need to get used to this as a driver, because you never know when weather or diversions will require you to change route so you can't always stick to known roads.
Is it because you think you'll get tired? If so, plan breaks. Or leave at an unsociable time so roads are quiet.
Is it just general fear of something you haven't done before? Do other new things scare you and if so how do you tackle them?

Sodndashitall · 29/12/2023 14:04

So a 5 hour drive is doable, but you'd probably want some motorway experience prior to setting out so maybe just pop out for a couple practice sessions in the next few weeks. Just bumble around the m25 for a few junctions and turn around and come home.
Then plan your journey around the motorway stops going to Manchester. Definitely take the toll road at Birmingham. Less stressful and a service station en route.
Leave yourself loads of time for the drive, don't worry though most of it is Motorway and that is pretty easy to get used to.

Finally and this is important! Explain to your DP it would have been waaaay easier all round for his mum to come to yours and probably easier to mind DC etc. But hey ho

notacooldad · 29/12/2023 14:05

If you've driven around London, then I'm sure you can drive anywhere in the UK.
Use your Sat Nav and have it set for motorways and don't overthink the journey.
I try and flip daunting thoughts upside down when I'm faced with scenarios like this. So instead of thinking ' of God, this is going to be horrendous ' I try to think ' ive never been to such place before, it'll be nice to stop and have a coffee and look round while we are passing through'

Once you've bitten the bullet and done it, it will massively increase your confidence.
Good luck OP, but I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine.

WeneedSamVimesonthecase · 29/12/2023 14:05

Bloody cheek of him. I'd tell him not going, and he can either cancel it or go alone - or with his mother.

Assuming you don't want or feel able to do that, though, all I will say is motorway driving is easier than you think, and I'm also a nervous driver. Leave plenty of time, so you can just pootle along in the left hand lane and leave the boy racers to battle it out overtaking each other.

But make sure you tell him not to make any arrangements in future that involve you driving without first confirming you're happy to do so!

Lizzieregina · 29/12/2023 14:05

Driving is driving. I think if you can drive around London, you can drive anywhere!

But you don’t sound too happy about leaving your LO. Personally, I’d have brought mine with me. Might be a different holiday, but a change of scenery is still a good thing.

BlackPhillipa · 29/12/2023 14:06

Why doesn't he drive?

Original poster
Violet877 · 29/12/2023 14:06

BliniLover · 29/12/2023 14:04

What is it about the journey that worries you? It may help people to suggest solutions.

Is it roads you aren't familiar with? If so, you do need to get used to this as a driver, because you never know when weather or diversions will require you to change route so you can't always stick to known roads.
Is it because you think you'll get tired? If so, plan breaks. Or leave at an unsociable time so roads are quiet.
Is it just general fear of something you haven't done before? Do other new things scare you and if so how do you tackle them?

It’s unfamiliar roads and being on the motorway even though I’m absolutely fine on A roads and been on motorways before, I’ve never drive up north before. I know it’s irrational and I’ve driven plenty where I am, I’ve gone on motorways before. I think it’s not knowing where I am, I know it’s stupid.

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 29/12/2023 14:06

I couldn’t be arsed with this amount of travel (driving, stopovers, on top of the flight time) for a one-week holiday. If he “really needs” the holiday, I’d send him off on his own.

AlisonDonut · 29/12/2023 14:07

Violet877 · 29/12/2023 14:02

I didn’t agree to the stopovers no, I’m not happy about that but he says he really needs this holiday…

Show quote history

I'd let him go and stay home personally. If I'm not consulted on a holiday I don't go on it.

Original poster
Violet877 · 29/12/2023 14:07

BlackPhillipa · 29/12/2023 14:06

Why doesn't he drive?

He doesn’t want to

OP posts:
Chestnutsroastgreen · 29/12/2023 14:07

He has two months to learn to drive. My sibling did a week long course and passed first time.

Chilicabbage · 29/12/2023 14:08

I am just curious where you are going for a week that it requires many stop overs. There will be no time left for actual holidays

WeneedSamVimesonthecase · 29/12/2023 14:08

He's not sounding like a prince among men, your fella...

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