I don’t want to drive this far, please suggest alternatives or do I have to do it

[Violet877]

DH has booked us a holiday for a week abroad and arranged with his mum that she will have our two year old. We go in two months. His mum lives up north and we live down south so he’s booked our flights from Manchester, so he’s told me I need to drive us to his mums. I stupidly agreed as felt I had to. He doesn’t drive.

im a nervous driver and he knows this, and haven’t driven further than outside London. He wants me to drive as we have all of child stuff his mum needs like car seat, pram, and also our stuff to go away for a week. So he doesn’t want to get the train.

Im feeling very nervous about this (on top of guilt of leaving our 2 year old :( ) and pressured, as he’s booked the cheapest flight so many stop overs, plus have to do the journey back and the idea sounds tiring even though I’m sure we will have a lovely holiday once there. Driving will be easiest in terms of carrying all our stuff, and will probably be about 5 hours no traffic, so I assume 8 hours it’s traffic and breaks.

can anyone please make any suggestions of how else I could do it without driving to suggest to him? Or do I just get on with it.

I haven't read the whole thread yet, sorry, but I'm so incensed already that I had to reply right away

Who died and made him god? Jesus Christ.....tell him to fuck off and have the holiday on his own. Just do NOT go. Stay at home with your lovely child and have a wonderful time without him

What is it with all these fucking men on MN who rule the roost, controlling every last decision for their own ends and telling everyone else what to do?

Fuck them. Fuck all of them.

Sorry.....as you were....🙄😬

See..... I KNEW I should have read the whole thread first 🤣

I'm so pleased that it's worked out, OP

Sorry for my rant! 🙃

Haven't read all the thread but for such a young child and it being your first time leaving them with someone they are not familiar with..I would be putting my foot down and insisting that your MIL comes to your house whilst you are away. That way it's less unsettling for your child and if you still feel bad about the driving for your flights then see if you could change them or get the train.
I'm not a great driver but I'd say if your used to driving in London then Manchester will be a doddle for you. I live in Wales but drive 200 miles up north to visit family. Stick to A roads there and back if you want to.
But also...your DH needs to buck his ideas up and get driving too

Why not book a Premier Inn/Travel Lodge stop over half way for each journey? Then it's not so much driving in one day.

Would those saying they have not read the thread, please read the thing before commenting. The OP has sorted the problem.

I agree

And I apologise again for jumping in with an inappropriate rant. 🙃

@Violet877 I recently found out that of the 8 school friends I had a reunion with, I'm the only one who uses motorways, so it doesn't sound like you're on your own! Honestly your driving skills are probably really good if you're used to driving on busy A roads.

What I can say, as a >15k miles a year driver, is that motorways are our safest roads because there are few junctions. So I'd suggest a couple of driving lessons on faster roads and the the motorway or your DP takes a fast pass course himself and he drives but then you're in the hands of an inexperienced driver. (I think you'll find using motorways liberating once you start using them.)

Motorways are quieter at certain times of the day, so plan your journey time and stay over night somewhere to break the journey up.

The alternatives (I don't know the details of the precise journey) are

• using the train, coach or plane but this will feel difficult with baby paraphenalia and luggage, so pack light - could you survive with one suitcase and one hand luggage, for example?
• his DM travels to you and stays at yours and then you could take an internal flight or train to the Northern airport, or indeed change your flight.

Personally, i think your DP has made a big mistake here - he hasn't considered you at all in this excursion.

I know this is easy for me to say but honestly, if you can drive in London, the north will be a total doddle! I'm a northerner born and bred but lived in London for 4 years. Once I left, I swore I would never drive in London again. Call me a country bumpkin but it just feels so hostile.

Once you get out of London, it's pretty much motorway all the way to Manchester and in general (to me at least), it feels far less like a war game, just to get into a different lane. If you don't have Sat Nav, the Waze app is very good and just take your time, plan a nice lunch somewhere midway. If you've got a little one and a lot of stuff, it'll be a million times easier than lumping everything on a train. Good luck!

@Bestyearever2024 - l did not intend my comments to sound personal; sorry! You noticed almost immediately that things have moved on, others hadn’t. x

l saw a post recently which people were responding to entitled “Could l Be Pregnant?”, it was almost a year old!

@Bahhambug
"Many many threads go on long after OP have opted out of discussion. The discussions can help many other women trying to work through similar issues. And it’s OK to not rttt before commenting. MNHQ may be recruiting though….."

If other poster have similar scenarios they should start their own threads.
It is polite to at least read the OPs posts if nothing else. In this case the scenario has completely changed, and OP might gain more from suggestions on how to have a more suitable childfree break, rather than how to do a drive she is no longer undertaking as will only be driving to MILs not the airport.

WeneedSamVimesonthecase · 29/12/2023 14:08

He's not sounding like a prince among men, your fella...

Exactly this 🤣

I second looking into the train option.

I understand taking a car seat could be difficult if you don’t have a travel system where the child is sitting in it, but I’m wondering if you actually need it. Is it for the grandmother to use? Can’t she just get hold of one?

Trai totally doable I reckon.

To all those saying if you can drive in London you can drive anywhere. I hate motorway driving and will happily drive anywhere in London. It’s to do with speed I think. You know that if you have a prang in London it’s usually just a dent but motorways …….. Last time I did a motorway journey I had a refresher lesson before which helped a bit. I would advise a very good satnav. However - under all the circumstances described I wouldn’t go - mostly because I couldn’t leave a 2 yr old with someone they are not completely familiar with.

People in relationships who refuse to learn to drive and expect their partner to do it all really irk me. I don’t enjoy driving long distances (the actual driving is fine, it’s ignorant road users I don’t like) but I do it if needed or help my partner to split it. In emergencies it’s reassurance that we are both capable of picking DC up or getting to a hospital etc. if needed (can’t rely on ambulances anymore!). Tell him this time you’ll do it as the holiday is booked but as a New Year’s resolution he needs to start taking lessons.

As for the actual issue of the driving, as everyone says, you drive round London, you’ll be fine getting up North. Whereabouts is it you are going, Scotland? I live NE England and it’s about 4.5hrs to our relatives in Greenwich. It might not be as long as you expect. I would break it down into steps. Step 1 just get out of London. Probably done that plenty times. Step 2 find a services about 1 hour outside of London and have the route in your head, ie join the M1 and stop off round Peterbrough way (if that’s the route you are taking). It’s one straight road. Have a breather, gather yourself and after that, the roads get considerably easier as you move through midlands and Yorkshire.

Just remember, on motorways everyone is going in the same direction. It’s a hell of a lot easier than pitch black country lanes with hidden bends and oncoming vehicles. Stay calm, keep in the left lane and ensure your partner is helping by always keeping an eye on the boards above your lane so you don’t end up on a slip road whilst you concentrate on the traffic around you.

I would find this journey horrifying and wouldn't even contemplate it; if you know that something is very stressful - it is not 'good for you' to do it anyway as some folks here have said.

The arrangements made by your husband sound less than sensible, and not a pleasant build up to a holiday.

Personally I would say no to the driving and let him sort out alternative arrangements.