I don’t want to drive this far, please suggest alternatives or do I have to do it

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DH has booked us a holiday for a week abroad and arranged with his mum that she will have our two year old. We go in two months. His mum lives up north and we live down south so he’s booked our flights from Manchester, so he’s told me I need to drive us to his mums. I stupidly agreed as felt I had to. He doesn’t drive.

im a nervous driver and he knows this, and haven’t driven further than outside London. He wants me to drive as we have all of child stuff his mum needs like car seat, pram, and also our stuff to go away for a week. So he doesn’t want to get the train.

Im feeling very nervous about this (on top of guilt of leaving our 2 year old :( ) and pressured, as he’s booked the cheapest flight so many stop overs, plus have to do the journey back and the idea sounds tiring even though I’m sure we will have a lovely holiday once there. Driving will be easiest in terms of carrying all our stuff, and will probably be about 5 hours no traffic, so I assume 8 hours it’s traffic and breaks.

can anyone please make any suggestions of how else I could do it without driving to suggest to him? Or do I just get on with it.

By stop overs, do you mean plane changes? Or actual overnight stops?

ANYWAY....

Two issues. It's a bit of a waste i you don't use your driving and your car to make life easier, get out and about and have fun, visit relatives etc. It's perfectly OK to have refresher lessons, or a motorway lesson et if it will help you feel more confident.

You will know where you are and where you are going because your SatNav will tell you. Once Google Maps (or whatever) has picked the best route for traffic etc, have a look at it on a paper map. Get the shape of the journey in your head. Most will be on whatever motorway is best.

Have some practice runs to other places over the next few weekends. Days out to places you haven't been, including a mix of roads. Not too long, obviously, but nice places to go.

The second issue is much harder. Almost every issue wrt the holiday - for someone who doesn't feel secure if you don't know where you are he has railroaded you into a destination, plans and travel that you had no say over and metaphorically don't know where you are.

Does your 2 year old know his parents well? I simply would not leave my 2 yo with less familiar family members for a whole week unless they were used to it.
I understand your DH is struggling with being a parent etc - but your 2 yo may struggle a lot not understanding where you are. And I doubt I would go out of Europe either.

He may well be struggling, and looking to regain quality time with you re-establish as a couple, but the reality is you are a couple with a toddler! Have the two of you been able to talk about this? How are you going to engage with 'quality time' if you are missing your child and worrying about them? Is he feeling pushed out since the birth of your child? Does he worry that your marriage is suffering? I'm not excising such an immature position but He wouldn't be the first. Would couple counselling help?

OP I agree with @Soapboxqueen this has little to do with the actual driving.

Your gut is telling you that you don't want to go on this trip, and indeed with 8 hrs driving and 3 flights at each end, and with leaving your baby DD with someone she doesn't know well, who can blame you.

Unfortunately to some people on here saying you are a nervous driver is like waving a red rag at a bull. Off they go with their assertions that if you have a driving license you should be comfortable driving a campervan down single roads in Cornwall, when really the driving is. symptom not a cause.

A few adult days in a sensible location would have been a lovely treat and a chance to reconnect, but what your H has booked is madness and says more about what he wants than anyone else. Unfortunately for me it would be a hill to die on because I'd be so simmering with rage about his stupidity for booking such a ridiculous trip, that there would be very little point in me going.

What redeeming features does he have ?

Can you go up a month earlier and stay for a couple of days? So you can have a practice run without the airport stress, and you can work out the logistics for DC while you are there.

try to think of this as gaining a new skill, OP. I sympathise, I was terrified of driving abroad, but once I had done it, it wasn’t so terrifying, and definitely useful.

There is quite a lot to unpack here OP. Firstly, you're a team and your DH really should learn to drive, if all that's stopping him is that he doesn't want to. It's not fair to leave all the driving to you for evermore, especially as his DM lives far from you.
Secondly, the holiday seems such an odd choice. If you're on a budget, then go somewhere closer. He doesn't seem to have considered this.
Lastly, London to Manchester is definitely less than 5 hours, and driving in the north is way less stressful than in London in my experience. Hopefully you can get over your nerves, but your DH really needs to step up.

Then you don't have to either.

Seriously, this man has booked a holiday you don't want and has signed you up to drive a journey without consultation.

I would dig my heels in. It isn't about whether you can manage the journey - it is about the fact he is controlling you.

About the driving - I'd say get your big girl pants on and get out there and have some refresher lessons incl motorway driving. You have 2 months to get some practice in. You'll gain a huge amount of independence once you realise you can drive yourself anywhere!

Your husband not discussing the arrangements for the holiday with you - that's a totally different issue. Its probably too late to make changes to this holiday he probably didn't think the extra stopovers and driving were going to be an issue (especially as he's a non driver himself) Tell him next time he feels like organising a holiday he needs to discuss it with you before he books anything!

I’m not happy with the whole journey, feels like while it’s going to be a lovely holiday once there I have a price to pay to get there , I guess I can do the drive and it would be good experience but I need to put my foot down about resting when we land as he thinks we can just go as soon as we pick up DC. I need to put my foot down and just book a hotel. I’m also nervous about leaving DC with MIL, I know she will look after her well so it’s not that, it’s that she’s not seen her that much and I worry she will think we’ve abandoned her. I need to have a think.

This is not a good partnership.

I would refuse, really. He is trying to make unilateral decisions.

I’ll get some journeys in beforehand and go a few places too, it would be good for me really as I do get anxious driving new places

I’m a nervous driver and avoid long drives but I find the anxiety of thinking about the drive is much worse than the drive itself.

Alternatively could you get the train or coach instead? They’re the obvious solutions.

Agree with PP, the drive is just the nasty icing on an extremely unpalatable cake.

How entitled is your brattish little husband that the needs not just a holiday, but this holiday?

He absolutely doesn't.

What's going to happen if he doesn't get it? Will he throw himself on the ground and scream until he is sick??

I think you should practice your driving and get comfy driving new places.

Motorways will be less scary than A roads tbh, but get familiar with both.

THen take your car and your kid and piss off far far away without this useless arsehole of a bloke who thinks only about himself and seems to give zero shits about you!

If you don’t want to go, then don’t force yourself.

He can go by himself or take a friend, whilst you look after your DC.

Then you can go away with a friend, whilst he has your DC.

And what about you OP? Having a child is stressful for everyone and of course he won’t be bothered or think it’s a big deal about the driving because he gets to park his arse in the passenger seat while you do it! I wouldn’t be going tbh, what a palaver for a holiday, having to drive to Manchester, drop your DC off, 3 stop overs then a holiday you don’t want to go on? And who’s carrying all the stress now? It’s certainly not your DH is it? He can surely change the date until later when you can afford it? Then you can both can sit down and agree to go somewhere that suits you all and includes your DC.

This

I wouldn’t have a problem with the driving but no way in hell would I be going on a holiday for a week that requires three flights to get there.

But from a practical perspective is it the route or the length of time driving that is worrying you? If it’s the latter, could you do an overnight stop on the way there and back?

People travel by train with all their luggage, and I mean 2 weeks in the UK from the US so loads of cases. That’s what luggage racks are for, same on a bus if that’s needed too.

Get ready and leave very early in the morning, the roads should be quiet and you will be a good way up the country before it starts to get busy. If you can travel on a Sunday if it's not holiday time the roads are usually pretty quiet on Sundays. You could break the journey, have a nice night in a hotel and start again early in the morning for the second half.

Try not to get overly anxious, it will be fine, and concentrate on the nice holiday to come.

If you're worried about directions I always make a list, this road to that place, then this road to next place etc, check it all out on Google Maps in advance. If your DH doesn't drive give him a map and he can give directions as well. Or invest in a satnav, that will give you directions door to door.

Quite frankly, finding the prospect of a long drive unappealing sounds like the least of your concerns here

Getting some practice in is a good idea and maybe a motorway lesson? Also do you have Sat nav for the journey? That will help when you are unfamiliar roads. As others have said, if you're used to driving in and around London the North will generally be much easier.

On your DH though, he sounds like a real prince. Everyone's life changes when they have a baby, and yes it can be tough, but everything in your posts scream about his needs and wants. Are your needs and wants being met in your marriage? Do you feel that he thinks about you and your wellbeing? If not, and I mean this very kindly, it's maybe worth having a long hard look at your relationship and think about the type of environment you want your DD to grow up in and what example you want to set her.

I wouldn't be going. The whole thing sounds awful.

Why are you agreeing to this when none of it is what you want? Tell him to go on his own if he needs the holiday badly enough. Just because he’s booked it without considering you or your child at all, doesn’t mean you have to go along with it. If saying no impacts your marriage, it’s already pretty shaky
on the other hand increasing your driving confidence would be a good thing

The whole plan from your dh is thoughtless on so many levels.

I would find out if there is any possibility to change the plans to Europe, a London airport and to bring your dc - even if it means losing money. If not possible ask dh if he wants to go with a friend and save the drive to Manchester and babysitting for a weekend break without so that you both to spend time together alone somewhere near mil so you are nearby if needed.

Final/ side option - could your dh buy some 2nd hand baby equipment on local Facebook pages near your mil or eBay and kit then out. It will be handy and mean you can travel up there more often by train so the dc can develop relationship with family.

Op my 19 year old DS has just driven 5 hours to Yorkshire ( we’re down south) and then another 4 to Scotland. He got his car a week ago. It’s all about mindset not the driving itself. You can drive. You’ll be fine.
Everyone moans about the M6 but mostly because long stretches are 50 miles an hour. The traffic is all going in one direction. I get the anxiety ( who isn’t nervous about new places) but there really isn’t any need.

The rest of it sounds like you are being taken advantage of.

Just go by train. At least you can enjoy the journey and entertain your 2 year old on route. Pack light for your holiday. 1 large suitcase between you. Order nappies etc to be delivered to your mils by Amazon. 1 small suitcase for your 2 year old, plus pushchair and car seat. It's doable.

It's a long car journey otherwise and tiring if you're a nervous driver and not used to motorways. An alternative is by coach. If you buy tickets for either in advance for specific trains, then you can get tickets cheaply which will work about about the same as the petrol anyway.