I don’t want to drive this far, please suggest alternatives or do I have to do it

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DH has booked us a holiday for a week abroad and arranged with his mum that she will have our two year old. We go in two months. His mum lives up north and we live down south so he’s booked our flights from Manchester, so he’s told me I need to drive us to his mums. I stupidly agreed as felt I had to. He doesn’t drive.

im a nervous driver and he knows this, and haven’t driven further than outside London. He wants me to drive as we have all of child stuff his mum needs like car seat, pram, and also our stuff to go away for a week. So he doesn’t want to get the train.

Im feeling very nervous about this (on top of guilt of leaving our 2 year old :( ) and pressured, as he’s booked the cheapest flight so many stop overs, plus have to do the journey back and the idea sounds tiring even though I’m sure we will have a lovely holiday once there. Driving will be easiest in terms of carrying all our stuff, and will probably be about 5 hours no traffic, so I assume 8 hours it’s traffic and breaks.

can anyone please make any suggestions of how else I could do it without driving to suggest to him? Or do I just get on with it.

The driving is the easy part, you just have to do it. You know you can do it as you drive regularly, it's just nerves holding you back. I hate driving at night but I make myself do it so it doesn't become this big limiting thing.

Your DH thinking you can drive from Manchester to London after travelling for a long time is crazy. I'd be insisting you get one night's rest at least.

Personally a day's travel to get to a special destination would be fine with me. You're the one going on holiday though and he should definitely have agreed the plans with you before booking anything.

Op - I am really worried about the impact of this on your little girl. She doesn't even know the woman who is looking after for a week very well?!?! That will be hugely traumatic at an age when separation anxiety is high anyway. She won't even have the comfort of being at home. I would not be going on holiday with such a selfish prick of a man.

I wouldn't go. It doesn't sound the least bit relaxing for you. My ex would do things like this on purpose so when I put the kibosh on it he could blame me for being boring after DC was born.

The driving is the least of your worries here. Leaving your child with someone she barely knows is a much bigger problem. She will think she's been abandoned and will probably spend a lot of 'your holiday' upset, crying and maybe not eating or sleeping properly. And if she becomes unwell you will not be able to get home quickly.

Before leaving a child for that length of time they need to be used to the place they are staying and the person they are staying with. My children (from the age of 3) used to spend a week with their grandparents about 3 times a year. We had all been to stay there many times before and the grandparents had stayed at our home too. They were all comfortable with each other but that didn't stop the first night tears and general homesickness for the first day. We spoke to them every few days and because we were at home (in the UK) could have gone to collect them at any point if necessary.

Christ his mum is already offering free childcare for 2 weeks while they swan off on holiday! The least they can do it take her to her house.

OP can practice as much as she likes, but that won’t make it safe to do a long drive home on the motorway, with a toddler and jet-lag, after a long-haul journey comprising FOUR flights. I’m a confident and experienced driver and there’s no way I’d do that.

I can't understand how you can have three stopovers for a one week holiday. I left my toddler behind with my mother and a nanny for a week in a tropical resort with my husband but I can't imagine three stopovers. Do you actually mean you get off the plane? If you do, rather than just touching down and some passengers disembarking and you miss one connection it is a cascade of unpleasantness which usually results in your luggage failing to travel with you. Factoring in two days of driving as well for you, it doesn't sound very relaxing. I think I'd tell my husband where to stick his need for a holiday. His total inability to drive while insisting you do would utterly enrage me.

I think that people are being very dismissive about your anxiety/nervousness driving. If they don't understand, they don't understand. It's unlikely that you've going to suddenly feel fine in the next couple of months. It will just be hanging over you. And it's especially hard with a 2 year old. Wait until your little one is a bit older and you have more time to yourself and then focus on getting your confidence back in your own time.

OP I drive fairly frequently from south London to Yorkshire. The biggest challenge is the traffic in London. I always leave early (5.30/6am) and have rarely had traffic issues. Think carefully about timing if you decide to drive.

as a fairly frequent flyer I’m struggling to get my head round the 3 changes of plane. I’m the kind of person who chooses a destination on basis that you can fly direct from my nearest airport.

all the best.

Have you read the OP’s posts ?

My top tips for long drives are get up really early and do a stint of driving. Plan a nice location to stop that has a park, cafes restaurants or even an attractions so it feels like a day out. Then back in the car late afternoon. You could even plan a dinner stop. If you are really worried, especially for the drive home then maybe book a halfway premiere inn.

Alternatively, go by train, order a spare car seat for your miles house, take your buggy on the train and then buy some second hand stuff from market place like high chairs etc.

I think he's hugely selfish and I suspect this holiday of his is just the tip of him acting like he's lovely and caring but actually not giving a damn about how you feel, whilst blaming you for feeling upset.

If any of that seems at all true - have a second think about the holiday (and possibly the marriage )

yeah and i thought it was rude they even asked the MiL to travel to them to look after the child when she's already doing them a big favour.

I think you need an airport hotel to decompress when you come back. Night driving after multiple stop overs will be horrid if you aren’t confident. Much better when you are up and fresh.
The change overs are nuts though. I’d be seriously looking at rebooking. You’ll get taxes and duty back even if you lose the fare. I cancelled an Easyjet ticket once and got back £27 of my £34 flight! My seat itself was peanuts it was all airport tax.

I used to be nervy about motorway driving/long journeys and managed to avoid it for the best part of 13 years after passing my test would you believe? I even had 2 motorway lessons after passing and my instructor told me, “you’re fine!”
I still didn’t believe it.

I ended up getting a job that required me to drive on the motorway. I soon realised I was fine as my instructor had said.
My best advice is do some shorter journeys in the meantime and get a feel for it. There’s a great run on the M4 to, for example, Windsor; Slough; Maidenhead; Bracknell; Reading. If you’ve got the time try a drive to Swindon maybe?
I was driving that stretch of the M4 alone every week for a year and found my confidence came on leaps and bounds.
I’ve driven to Liverpool 3 times in the last year - never thought I’d have done a long journey like that.

@pinkyredrose No need to be so horrible.

There are plenty of men who don't drive or don't do long drives. just because you don't hear men say it (hardly surprising) So don't be daft.

So who's wrecking the marriage?

Selfish git

A few practice drives are a good idea and once you get going on the motorway you'll be fine. But the holiday is another thing altogether. Exactly how far away is the destination, based on a direct flight? What if there was an emergency - could you get back easily?

Missing the point of the thread, but where are you going with three stopovers, for a week?

I used to be a nervous driver after I passed my test. I wouldn't drive anywhere alone for 6 months and would worry so much about driving to new places. Ultimately I knew I was holding myself back and when I got a new job I started travelling to new places with work as I had no choice. You just need to do it, practice driving to a new place every weekend. You'll soon increase in confidence. This seems like a perfect opportunity for you to gain some experience and confidence driving, as what's the point of being able to drive and having a car if not for times like these?

Well I am ok driving so I would do it, but in your shoes I’d tell him to fuck off. I hate it when non drivers throw their weight around. Why doesn’t he drive? Unless it’s for health reasons I couldn’t be arsed with a man like that.

I was the driver in the first years of our marriage. I used to drive H, and 2 DCs down to either London or Bath from the NE when they were both little, as we could not afford the train for us all (I'd go by train if with just DC). I was a confident driver; but motorways were not as congested with HGVs in those days.

I didn't mind the London trips, but the Bath ones I hated, and spent the time there with a background feeling of dread at the drive back.

As soon as I could afford it, I used the train instead.

Mine was emotionally and financially abusive, it turned out (now Ex). Somehow his passivity exploited my proactivity.

Yours sounds more proactive. (Does that include plans to learn to drive?) However, the fact that this seems to have been presented as a fait accompli, almost, with you "agreeing" although you didn't want to, is something I find very concerning.

Fuck that, there is absolutely no way I'd go on this holiday. The driving would be the least of my worries. I'd not be leaving my 2 year old for a week with someone they don't know very well for a start.
Your dh sounds like a massive prick.
Let me guess. He found having a baby really hard, wah wah wah and he needs to be centre of your attention again for a week.

Have a good think about how this man treats you. I bet he's a selfish dick in many ways.

I'm usually all for leaving DC with family, and having a break, but this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen! How long exactly is this flight? For it to have 3 stop overs it must be a good few hours, on top of a 5 hour or more drive? You are going to end up travelling for a ridiculous amount of time each way, and get home as tired and stressed as when you left. Not to mention leaving your DC with a family member it sounds like she is not that familiar with. I'd be seriously considering whether I actually wanted to go on this trip.

Is there a coach? Might be easier than the train with all your stuff