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Original poster

I don’t want to drive this far, please suggest alternatives or do I have to do it

316 replies

Violet877 · 29/12/2023 13:55

DH has booked us a holiday for a week abroad and arranged with his mum that she will have our two year old. We go in two months. His mum lives up north and we live down south so he’s booked our flights from Manchester, so he’s told me I need to drive us to his mums. I stupidly agreed as felt I had to. He doesn’t drive.

im a nervous driver and he knows this, and haven’t driven further than outside London. He wants me to drive as we have all of child stuff his mum needs like car seat, pram, and also our stuff to go away for a week. So he doesn’t want to get the train.

Im feeling very nervous about this (on top of guilt of leaving our 2 year old :( ) and pressured, as he’s booked the cheapest flight so many stop overs, plus have to do the journey back and the idea sounds tiring even though I’m sure we will have a lovely holiday once there. Driving will be easiest in terms of carrying all our stuff, and will probably be about 5 hours no traffic, so I assume 8 hours it’s traffic and breaks.

can anyone please make any suggestions of how else I could do it without driving to suggest to him? Or do I just get on with it.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 29/12/2023 14:08

Look a train options to get there. If you can get to his mum and then from there to Manchester, the tram goes from the centre to Manchester Airport.

GCAcademic · 29/12/2023 14:08

Violet877 · 29/12/2023 14:07

He doesn’t want to

Show quote history

So it’s a choice for him? Well, then, he’s got no business telling you that you need to drive. You can exercise your choice not to drive too.

Theoldwoman · 29/12/2023 14:09

I can’t get over your DH doesn’t drive? Why? Why not? Is he 15?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
crackofdoom · 29/12/2023 14:09

If you want to take the train, it's do- able, even with a load of stuff. I used to take the train to my parents' on my own with a newborn, so with a travel system, change bag, and a rucksack with all our clothes etc in. It wasn't a problem- there were always kind strangers to help me lift the pram off the train. With 2 adults it should be fine.

It will be less overall stress than driving, although probably more expensive. More faff if his mum can't pick you up from the station, too- you'll probably have to get a taxi.

kweeble · 29/12/2023 14:09

I’d refuse to go if I’d not been properly consulted. Your poor toddler - it’s not a good age to feel abandoned.

Original poster
Violet877 · 29/12/2023 14:09

GCAcademic · 29/12/2023 14:06

I couldn’t be arsed with this amount of travel (driving, stopovers, on top of the flight time) for a one-week holiday. If he “really needs” the holiday, I’d send him off on his own.

im tempted but I think it would potentially wreck my marriage if I didn’t go, he thinks we really need this. I just wish I didn’t have to go so far, with three stopovers. I’m a bundle of nerves about the whole thing - a long drive, leaving my DC for a week which I haven’t done before, three stopovers, a holiday then Doing the whole thing again on the way back. He hasn’t thought about my wellbeing it feels

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 29/12/2023 14:11

If his mum won’t come to you does she even know the child? I wouldn’t leave my 2 year old with someone they barely know. Why can’t the child go on holiday too? That’s what you do when you have kids. Family holidays

Persipan · 29/12/2023 14:11

Violet877 · 29/12/2023 14:09

im tempted but I think it would potentially wreck my marriage if I didn’t go, he thinks we really need this. I just wish I didn’t have to go so far, with three stopovers. I’m a bundle of nerves about the whole thing - a long drive, leaving my DC for a week which I haven’t done before, three stopovers, a holiday then Doing the whole thing again on the way back. He hasn’t thought about my wellbeing it feels

Show quote history

Do you think you really need this? It sounds stressful and crap for you, and yet you're desperately trying to come up with a way to do it in order to accommodate what he wants, even though it's the complete opposite of what you want. You have a bigger problem than a holiday, here.

GCAcademic · 29/12/2023 14:12

Three stopovers! Bloody hell! Has he never heard of a false economy?

easylikeasundaymorn · 29/12/2023 14:12

unless you actually want to I just wouldn't go on the holiday. If he "really needs it" he can go alone.

You'll be knackered, especially on the way back, if you've had a long flight and are then expected to drive up to 8 hours. That's a lot even if you're not a nervous driver. I'd either expect to sleep at his mum's the night/day before and after, or book a hotel. Which will probably be more expensive than just booking a direct flight! There are so many places that would be direct and cheap from somewhere as busy as Manchester if he just needs a break, why did he want to go to this place in particular?

In terms of the actual driving, if it's mainly on a motorway it really won't be that bad and no different to driving locally. Make sure you have the google maps route downloaded to both your phones just in case you lose signal etc.

CuriousGeorge80 · 29/12/2023 14:13

Three stopovers for a one week holiday sounds genuinely awful - I’m sorry OP.

You will be fine with the drive - make sure you go down the day before so you can sleep before the flight, and same on the way back. Be clear on the route before you set off and plan some stops (Rugby service station is the best on that trip, I find). Take the Toll. Set off at a sensible time for a long journey with a toddler.

But I also think the train would be fine. One case for you and your husband to share. One case for your child. Plus pram. That’s totally doable.

Good luck xx

StaringAtTheWater · 29/12/2023 14:13

Three stopovers seems rather extreme when you are leaving a two year old behind - what if you needed to get back in a hurry? I would be angry about this too OP. Surely there would have been some winter sun options within a single flight from Manchester.

crackofdoom · 29/12/2023 14:13

Given your update, I would definitely say take the least stressful option to get to his mum's, whatever that may be. (Although nothing, perhaps, can be completely relaxing with a 2 year old. Plugging them into a screen will probably alleviate their worst excesses, mind you).

Pumpkindoodles · 29/12/2023 14:14

He ‘told’ you that you ‘have’ to? Does he often tell you what to do?
and he doesn’t fancy driving but feels he knows best and can tell you what to do?
and why on earth has he booked a flight with so many layovers? Surely there were cheaper closer places to go if you couldn’t afford the holiday you’ve picked?

I haven’t really got any patience for nervous drivers, you can either drive or you can’t. If you’re not safe you shouldn’t be on the road at all. but your dh sounds like an absolute melt.

coxesorangepippin · 29/12/2023 14:14

Your DH needs to learn to drive, clearly!

You're not actually saving money either - driving up north, multiple stops??

GeorgeBeckett · 29/12/2023 14:15
  1. Explain to DP why this is a stressful decision. Fear of driving/time taken/logistics of stops.
  2. If you can drive in London then you really can drive anywhere. We usually put the kids in their PJs and drive when they'd be asleep anyway and the roads are quiet, but you could also break it up with nice day exploring spots. DP needs to step up with everything else if you are doing the driving.
  3. Courier by Evri is cheaper than you think if you do want to ship the stuff and take the train.
  4. You can rent a lot of baby items or buy cheaply on Facebook marketplace and sell on. DP to arrange obviously.
  5. Can you change flights and DPs mum come live at your house?
  6. Don't send him on his own! He gets a lovely break and you do all the patenting because of his bad planning? Nope! Unless you get a reciprocal one, in which case maybe.
coxesorangepippin · 29/12/2023 14:15

a long drive, leaving my DC for a week which I haven’t done before, three stopovers, a holiday then Doing the whole thing again on the way back.

^

No, no, no.

What's actually in this for you?!?!?

DoodlesMam · 29/12/2023 14:15

tell him he has to learn to drive.

Original poster
Violet877 · 29/12/2023 14:15

ever since our DC was born he’s been very stressed, and adjusting to our new lifestyle for him has been hard. I’m trying to make things work but I’m feeling with this trip it’s at a detriment to my mental health in terms of the journey but he doesn’t see it that way. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal. He booked that flight as it was the only way he could afford it but I would have been happy going somewhere in Europe or something for a few days. I don’t know.

OP posts:
Scrantonicity2 · 29/12/2023 14:15

Chestnutsroastgreen · 29/12/2023 14:07

He has two months to learn to drive. My sibling did a week long course and passed first time.

You need to actually book and pass a theory and practical test. The backlogs are huge.

Also it costs insane amounts of money, and that's before you get on the insurance as a new driver.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 29/12/2023 14:17

Violet877 · 29/12/2023 14:09

im tempted but I think it would potentially wreck my marriage if I didn’t go, he thinks we really need this. I just wish I didn’t have to go so far, with three stopovers. I’m a bundle of nerves about the whole thing - a long drive, leaving my DC for a week which I haven’t done before, three stopovers, a holiday then Doing the whole thing again on the way back. He hasn’t thought about my wellbeing it feels

Show quote history

Really, I don't think it is all worth it for just a week.

Can he take a friend?

I really wouldn't go to all this effort for a week's holiday abroad, especially as you don't want to leave your 2-year-old.

So you are worried about it being the end of your marriage if you don't go? Why isn't he worried about it being the end of the marriage if he makes you do something you don't want to do?

He seems like a bully to me and he's making you do something you don't want to do. Especially when he doesn't drive and doesn't realise how stressful it is driving in 5 hours with a 2-year-old child.

I'm a nervous driver but I have driven on motorways for the last 10 years and I would not want to drive for 5 hours with a 2-year-old child.

I think you need to tell him to take a friend and not to book things like this without consulting you first.

GCAcademic · 29/12/2023 14:17

StaringAtTheWater · 29/12/2023 14:13

Three stopovers seems rather extreme when you are leaving a two year old behind - what if you needed to get back in a hurry? I would be angry about this too OP. Surely there would have been some winter sun options within a single flight from Manchester.

Even if you don’t need to get back in a hurry, the chances of getting home according to schedule are not brilliant, given the high chance of missed connections. I wonder, did he bother to check that the transit times are feasible (because airlines do sell tickets with very tight connection times) and whether the connecting flights have a history of being delayed? I always look carefully at this when booking any flight with a stopover.

InTheRainOnATrain · 29/12/2023 14:18

It’s pretty awful that he’s railroaded you with a holiday that requires you to do a long drive, to leave the toddler which you don’t really sound ok with and take massively inconvenient flights but you feel you have to go along with it because ‘he really needs this holiday’ and if you said what you actually feel it would potentially wreck your marriage. Put up and shut up isn’t normal. Something as big in terms of expense, time and leaving your DC really should be a completely joint decision because your feelings and opinions should matter as much as his.

But presuming you’re just going to go along with this then practical advice…. Do some practice on the motorways between now and then, just go 1 or 2 junctions then get off, and go back in the other direction. Does DC sleep in the car seat? If yes time set off to coincide with when they’re likely to nap and that’ll be 1-2 hours of quiet. Get some cartoons downloaded on an ipad or one of your phones for entertainment when they’re awake. Have some snacks ready to lob back there if needed, nothing they could choke on, but smoothie pouch or melty puffs are good. If she’s potty trained but not massively reliable stick her in a pull up. Plan for 2 stops whilst you’re on the motorway because it’s easier at a service station.

Caspianberg · 29/12/2023 14:18

Actually I wouldn’t go either reading more. If your mil is in Manchester and she won’t come down and you haven’t ever driven up, then surely she’s hardly met the 2 year old?

We don’t live near family, so my 3 year old hardly knows them. I wouldn’t leave him an afternoon alone with them let alone a week as it’s nothing like people who have granny in same town and see every week or granny looks after on a weekly basis. If you’re 5 hours away for a 2 year year old it’s basically a stranger. And it’s a strange house and bed they aren’t used to.

Tilllly · 29/12/2023 14:18

He does sound like a twat

I'd be inclined to spend the entire holiday by the pool saying you're too tired to do anything

Then stop 15 times on the way home too tired to drive