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Original poster

I don’t want to drive this far, please suggest alternatives or do I have to do it

316 replies

Violet877 · 29/12/2023 13:55

DH has booked us a holiday for a week abroad and arranged with his mum that she will have our two year old. We go in two months. His mum lives up north and we live down south so he’s booked our flights from Manchester, so he’s told me I need to drive us to his mums. I stupidly agreed as felt I had to. He doesn’t drive.

im a nervous driver and he knows this, and haven’t driven further than outside London. He wants me to drive as we have all of child stuff his mum needs like car seat, pram, and also our stuff to go away for a week. So he doesn’t want to get the train.

Im feeling very nervous about this (on top of guilt of leaving our 2 year old :( ) and pressured, as he’s booked the cheapest flight so many stop overs, plus have to do the journey back and the idea sounds tiring even though I’m sure we will have a lovely holiday once there. Driving will be easiest in terms of carrying all our stuff, and will probably be about 5 hours no traffic, so I assume 8 hours it’s traffic and breaks.

can anyone please make any suggestions of how else I could do it without driving to suggest to him? Or do I just get on with it.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 30/12/2023 15:46

enchantedsquirrelwood · 30/12/2023 11:55

you absolutely should be confident in your ability to operate heavy machinery when other people’s lives are at risk, and if you aren’t you can take additional classes to gain some confidence

I am completely confident in my ability to operate a car locally, in complicated town layouts and on A roads.

I don't like motorways so I avoid them.

Easy!

DH is the opposite. He can drive on the M1, for example, because he can't get lost. I drive all the fiddly bits because he finds it difficult to follow a satnav these days.

AcrossthePond55 · 30/12/2023 16:24

@Violet877

OK, you've sort of dodged a bullet as far as the holiday, but are you still doing the drive to MiL's for this 'visit'?

At any rate, you really need to get on your DH about learning to drive. Unless, of course, there's a valid reason why he can't drive.

PinkCandles · 30/12/2023 17:43

National Express can be good with extra luggage as it can be put in the luggage compartment underneath, so easier than on a train. You are guaranteed a seat too so it's not as rammed as a train can be. We've used a coach to move dd into uni a couple of times and it's been fine between 3 of us. We paid for 2 extra bits of luggage as well as the large suitcase they allow you each, so you could use that for pushchair, then maybe get a high chair and travel cot delivered to MIL. We go from Victoria Coach Station. It's cheaper than train

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PinkCandles · 30/12/2023 17:45

Sorry, missed your final post when I looked through your posts op. Might be useful info anyway

FindingNeverland28 · 30/12/2023 17:47

I used to be a nervous driver when it came to driving on the motorway. I would suggest doing some practise runs. Get a friend or family member who is also a driver to sit in the passenger seat and go for a couple of days out. You don’t need to go 5 hours away, but just push yourself a bit further than what you’re used to. The other option is to tell him he has 2 months to learn to drive and pass his test.

Jack80 · 30/12/2023 17:56

I am nervous to drive on the motorway, I've done two junctions. I would drive of a night when it's quiet.

Mystismum · 30/12/2023 17:58

Although I wouldn't be happy about the whole "I need this holiday so it's my way or no way" vibe, I honestly think you need to put your big girl pants on and just do it, or you're in danger of making it a big barrier you never get over. My DH had a fear of motorway driving when we were first married - up until then the cars he'd owned weren't up to motorway speeds and he'd worked himself up into a right state. I did all the long-distance stuff until he began to see that it wasn't a big scary thing. Motorways are easy compared to driving around a city, put him in charge of navigating and take plenty of rest stops to stretch your legs and see to baby's needs. You're driving so you're in charge! Once you have done it, you'll wonder why you were so worried.

JustExistingNotLiving · 30/12/2023 18:36

I’m very happy to see your update @Violet877
I hope you’ll have another hols later on, better suited to the needs of everyone.

MarchingOnTogether · 30/12/2023 18:38

Editing as didn't see final update!

Glad DH was understanding, hope you get another holiday sorted soon that causes you less anxiety!

juless77 · 30/12/2023 19:14

Wouldn’t leave my child of 2 year old to go on a weeks holiday , does your child even know the grandma if she lives so far away ????

Ibizamumof4 · 30/12/2023 19:16

Yep this would be hell to me and no holiday. I am a nervous driver 5 hours is a long time in busy unknown motorways in winter, my own anxiety plus leaving the baby wouldn’t work for me.
I hope it works out for you but would just be a no from me

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 30/12/2023 20:07

I think you were being daft about the driving (seriously, I did my lessons and test in London and it's a million times easier driving anywhere else!) but I'm glad the holiday has been cancelled.

I can't even fathom a trip with three stopovers?! Where were you supposed to be going?!

croydon15 · 30/12/2023 20:22

Whatever you do, Do not drive home straight after you landed, we always booked an hotel near the airport so that you get a good night sleep and are rested before you drive back as you will be exhausted after a long flight, perhaps you can stay at MIL.
Hope you have a great holiday when you get there.

Shoppingwithafriend · 30/12/2023 20:33

You can do the drive - plan your route. Make sure you know where you can stop for food and the loo before you leave. Get your partner to be in charge of the little one. It may help to do a part of the journey as a trial run before you do the real thing in two months time. This is the only way you will overcome being a nervous driver

Morgysmum · 30/12/2023 21:00

If he doesn't drive and you aren't confident. I would say go by train. He can help carry stuff as it was his idea.
There is a train from London to Manchester piccadilly, once in Manchester, there is a train to the airport. So once you have dropped your child off, you can get the train to the airport. Or there is a coach options, National Express are good. They will put your pram and other stuff in the luggage area, you might have to check to see if you have to pay more for excess luggage. On board the coach, they have chargers for phones or tablets.
Trains you can book seats, near the toilet, handy when travelling with a child, they do have charging points too, and seats with a table. You don't have to pay for your, but might have to put your child on your lap if the train is busy.
I don't know about the coach, as I travelled by myself, not with a child. The coach will have stops, the train will stop at stations but you don't have to get off.
I would pack drinks and snacks, as on a train it's expensive.
By coach, the stop at service stations so, again expensive for snacks. A colouring book or portable dvd player, are good for entertainment.

threatmatrix · 30/12/2023 21:21

Maybe you shouldn’t be driving at all if you are that nervous. It’s the obvious choice and the easiest one.

CameltoeParkerBowles · 30/12/2023 21:47

Violet877 · 29/12/2023 14:09

im tempted but I think it would potentially wreck my marriage if I didn’t go, he thinks we really need this. I just wish I didn’t have to go so far, with three stopovers. I’m a bundle of nerves about the whole thing - a long drive, leaving my DC for a week which I haven’t done before, three stopovers, a holiday then Doing the whole thing again on the way back. He hasn’t thought about my wellbeing it feels

Show quote history

No, he hasn't, has he? He has unilaterally decided on a course of action that would be relaxing for him, but stressful and anxiety-inducing for you. Don't go. No marriage in which one partner is so utterly selfish is worth saving.

CameltoeParkerBowles · 30/12/2023 21:50

CameltoeParkerBowles · 30/12/2023 21:47

No, he hasn't, has he? He has unilaterally decided on a course of action that would be relaxing for him, but stressful and anxiety-inducing for you. Don't go. No marriage in which one partner is so utterly selfish is worth saving.

Show quote history

Sorry - just read your update. Ignore this.

Tistheseasontobejollytrala · 30/12/2023 21:57

Maybe your husband when he gets a minute from thinking about his own needs, could look up the effects of leaving a two year old for a week with someone she doesn’t know very well? If he thinks life is tough since his child was born, try adding a massive dose of two year old anxiety to the mix. She would not have a had single clue why you had abandoned her and not a single clue of how long a week is.
Your gut instinct was right, the whole scheme was insane and super well done in having the difficult conversation and cancelling it. The PP idea to stay nearby in a lush hotel is excellent.

JubileeQueen123 · 30/12/2023 22:26

I’m also a nervous driver. I’d go on the train. 1 extra large suitcase for you and your partner to share. 1 child in buggy, 1 small suitcase for child. You could order a cheap car seat to be delivered to his Mum’s. You can get a Two Together Railcard and you'll get 1/3 off the rail fare. Scratch that - just seen the update. Good strong decision on your part.

pineapplesundae · 30/12/2023 23:02

You’ll be fine. Just use your GPS and have your husband navigate. Listen to nice music and leave early enough so you won’t have to rush.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 30/12/2023 23:19

Great update OP and I'm pleased your DH took it all on board

garlictwist · 31/12/2023 06:01

I'd be annoyed that I was expected to do all the driving for a holiday I didn't really want to go on.

That said, I am sure you'll be fine. The only bit of motorway that, I think, requires a bit of extra concentration is the M62 between Leeds and Manchester. It's 400 metres above sea level and crosses the Pennines so can be hard going in winter. But I doubt you'd go that way anyway.

Mummymoomingrumpy · 31/12/2023 08:20

Nervous driver here too who has been forced into long journeys. I honestly think London driving and m25 is the worst and everywhere else much easier. Google street view for any tricky bits like junctions. If feasible leaving at 4am or 5 am avoids the traffic and makes the journey shorter

Iwantmyoldnameback · 31/12/2023 08:32

As there seem to be issues with the journey how well does your child know her grandmother?