Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Partner says I'm "ignorant" for going out today -when his family are coming over-am I?

181 replies

louisejaynn · 26/12/2023 13:43

We live together.
Back in October I said why don't you invite sister and niece over Boxing Day-I will do food and we can play games etc
He said no-they have their own life etc
I asked a few times in December and kept telling just to ask them.
He said no.
So Boxing Day (today ) I arranged to meet a friend for lunch and do some sales shopping
Partner was watching racing /football anyway so didn't think twice.
Last night he said "oh sister text she's coming over tomorrow "
I asked what time and he said "she didn't say"
I asked him to ask or at least say can you come after 4 and I can prepare food.
He said no I can't do that ,they will have things to do
This morning she texts him saying il be over at 1
I said well I won't be in.
He said I'm ignorant for going out when his family are going over ....but I had already made plans and gave him plenty of options to invite them.
Am I ignorant ?
He is texting now saying -try and get back I'm embarrassed you have chose shopping over my family and that they have a gift for me
I'm sat in a cafe with friend-she's gone to pop to boots so now I feel so bad for not being home
Am I in the wrong ?

OP posts:
Ju1ieAndrews · 26/12/2023 13:45

Why is it embarrassing for him?

Surely he has cleaned the house and arranged food and drink for his visitors?

If he hasn't, well that's his problem and embarrassing for him.

This is nothing to do with you, you didn't even know they were coming; how could it be your problem?

Enjoy your planned day out and don't feel an ounce of guilt.

Fiery30 · 26/12/2023 13:47

No you are not. Your partner can't expect you to just sit around at home or cancel your plans, just because he couldn't be bothered to collaborate with his sister. At the least he should have asked her plans, time of arrival, whether they are going to eat etc. He should have informed her that you won't be home since you are busy. Why is he pretending to be all embarrassed now when it is entirely his fault and poor decision making? You enjoy your day.

dragonbear · 26/12/2023 13:47

No you’re not ! You did everything possible to accommodate him and his family - he’s at fault for not preparing and expecting you to then fit in .
Enjoy your day with your friend - try not to let it bother you - he might just learn something from this . Have a great day out xx

Original poster
louisejaynn · 26/12/2023 13:48

He won't have organised anything
We have so much party food and desserts
Before I left I said offer them cake /chocolates
Make a drink etc
He won't have
I text asking if he had hoovered and he said no
He said he's embarrassed I'm not with him

OP posts:
Original poster
louisejaynn · 26/12/2023 13:49

I've even said ask them to go for food In January
Our treat -he won't ask
I don't understand his logic I really don't

OP posts:
Freshair1 · 26/12/2023 13:50

Dump that crap. That's utterly pathetic.

ProudThrilledHappy · 26/12/2023 13:50

Is he usually a useless lump of crap who cant entertain his own family by himself?

Fiery30 · 26/12/2023 13:50

louisejaynn · 26/12/2023 13:48

He won't have organised anything
We have so much party food and desserts
Before I left I said offer them cake /chocolates
Make a drink etc
He won't have
I text asking if he had hoovered and he said no
He said he's embarrassed I'm not with him

There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Both brother and sister can have a nice time with food and drinks at home. What's there to complain? I would say stay out as long as possible and have fun.

Ju1ieAndrews · 26/12/2023 13:50

His logic is that you are his slave and the home-hostess, probably because you have a vagina.

He doesn't like cleaning or cooking or making cups of tea, so he wants you to do it all.

It really is that simple.

Catlord · 26/12/2023 13:50

No way. You did your best here and have your own life. He made zero attempt to make things fit, just wanted you to drop everything.

Reugny · 26/12/2023 13:51

He said he's embarrassed I'm not with him

He does not sound like a keeper.

He can't adult. As an adult you should be able to entertain guests on your own especially your own guests.

You should also be able to tell your partner what your plans are around family and close friends for the Christmas to New Year period in advance.

Enjoy your trip out with your friend. In the New Year work out exactly why you are with him.

PinkflowersWhiteBerries · 26/12/2023 13:52

Reugny · 26/12/2023 13:51

He said he's embarrassed I'm not with him

He does not sound like a keeper.

He can't adult. As an adult you should be able to entertain guests on your own especially your own guests.

You should also be able to tell your partner what your plans are around family and close friends for the Christmas to New Year period in advance.

Enjoy your trip out with your friend. In the New Year work out exactly why you are with him.

This. Totally 100% this.

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 26/12/2023 13:52

Ok. So what do you want out of this?

If I were you there would be a sit down conversation about being sane and sensible adults, especially around Christmas. He would get told in no uncertain terms that he is being utterly ridiculous and that if he thinks you will be running your life around what his family may or may not be doing then he can get to fuck.

The ball needs to be put firmly in his court. This is an issue he needs to think through and decide what is mire important to him. His adult relationship with you or having you pander to his family, at their beck and call because he can't grow up.

His initial reaction to that discussion would probably prompt my decision on the continued viability if the relationship. I mean, he is entitled to fuck it up on occasion, we all do, but he also needs to be able to recognise a fuck up when it happens and to deal with it appropriately.

CharmedCult · 26/12/2023 13:52

You should be embarrassed OP… embarrassed that you’re even with this absolute man baby waste of space.

EverySporkIsSacred · 26/12/2023 13:53

Nope, and he sounds like a whiny baby.

dontgobaconmyheart · 26/12/2023 13:53

He's embarrassed that he's an adult that wasn't capable of arranging a small amount of food and hosting his sister by himself surely, if anything - he clearly imagines that sort of thing is your responsibility. As if it matters that they have a gift for you, as if that can't just be left under the tree and you text them a sincere thanks later given you are adults

I don't think you've done anything wrong OP, he had plenty of opportunity to confirm arrangements you'd be there for and hasn't. The visit is unplanned, they've chosen to come when you aren't there so shouldn't expect to see you there. If anything I would be incredibly annoyed at him for a) ruining my enjoyment of my trip out and b) for trying to desperately to manipulate me into doing what he wants.I certainly wouldn't be trying to make it up to him let alone try to micromanage him. He's an adult man OP, he has guests over and it's up to him to cater to them rather than rely on the nearest woman to do it by force.

dragonbear · 26/12/2023 13:53

It’s his problem - of his own making - not yours . You “have your own life “ and you “ have things to do “ also .
Hopefully we will take your suggestions on board - try and have fun with your friend x

Original poster
louisejaynn · 26/12/2023 13:54

If he had the common sense to say
Can you come at 4pm
I would have made some party food etc
Thanks everyone gonna forget about it now
Probably grab a little lush set for his niece for the next time we see her.
I had to prompt him to buy his sister a Christmas card and a bottle of wine
Just the simple things he doesn't have a clue

OP posts:
TedMullins · 26/12/2023 13:54

louisejaynn · 26/12/2023 13:48

He won't have organised anything
We have so much party food and desserts
Before I left I said offer them cake /chocolates
Make a drink etc
He won't have
I text asking if he had hoovered and he said no
He said he's embarrassed I'm not with him

Well that’s his problem then isn’t it the lazy twat. It’s not your responsibility. Leave him to it and enjoy your day out with your friend. Do you normally facilitate everything for him? If so, stop

coodawoodashooda · 26/12/2023 13:55

Ju1ieAndrews · 26/12/2023 13:50

His logic is that you are his slave and the home-hostess, probably because you have a vagina.

He doesn't like cleaning or cooking or making cups of tea, so he wants you to do it all.

It really is that simple.

Yeah. Get rid of him.

Whataretheodds · 26/12/2023 13:55

1st answer nails it.

Don't be going compensating for him being incompetent. He's and adult, he can think these things through for himself if he puts 5 mins effort into it.

forrestgreen · 26/12/2023 13:57

Just text her
'Hi Sil, sorry x didn't tell me you were popping round today so I've already made plans. X will look after you and I'll see you when I'm home. Have fun x'

BranchGold · 26/12/2023 13:57

Do you find this man attractive?

I couldn’t cope with him tbh, he’d give me a major ick.

HappyHedgehog247 · 26/12/2023 13:58

Be careful having children with this person.

helpfulperson · 26/12/2023 13:58

But why were you so insistent about them inviting them over asking multiple times? That would gave been the time to make it clear he needed to sort his side of the family.

Swipe left for the next trending thread