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Original poster

Partner says I'm "ignorant" for going out today -when his family are coming over-am I?

181 replies

louisejaynn · 26/12/2023 13:43

We live together.
Back in October I said why don't you invite sister and niece over Boxing Day-I will do food and we can play games etc
He said no-they have their own life etc
I asked a few times in December and kept telling just to ask them.
He said no.
So Boxing Day (today ) I arranged to meet a friend for lunch and do some sales shopping
Partner was watching racing /football anyway so didn't think twice.
Last night he said "oh sister text she's coming over tomorrow "
I asked what time and he said "she didn't say"
I asked him to ask or at least say can you come after 4 and I can prepare food.
He said no I can't do that ,they will have things to do
This morning she texts him saying il be over at 1
I said well I won't be in.
He said I'm ignorant for going out when his family are going over ....but I had already made plans and gave him plenty of options to invite them.
Am I ignorant ?
He is texting now saying -try and get back I'm embarrassed you have chose shopping over my family and that they have a gift for me
I'm sat in a cafe with friend-she's gone to pop to boots so now I feel so bad for not being home
Am I in the wrong ?

OP posts:

Bananalanacake · 26/12/2023 15:07

Life would be so much easier if you didn't live together, then You could do whatever you wanted and he would have to make his own arrangements for his family to visit, hell, he might even have to make them a cup of tea.

MILTOBE · 26/12/2023 15:09

He wants a fight, doesn't he? You haven't given him anything to fight about - quite the opposite in fact - so he's got to manufacture something.

Tbh I wouldn't want to go home to someone as stupid and argumentative as this.

susiedaisy1912 · 26/12/2023 15:09

Dump him op he is a lazy twat. It won't get any better

Tinkerbyebye · 26/12/2023 15:12

YANBU. You asked repeatedly and the answer was no

its his sister he can sort. Just crack on with your day
then when you get back point out to him that he was asked repeatedly to ask and didn’t do you made alternative plans and he needs to get over it. As an adult he should be more that capable of entertaining his own family without you having to change your plans, and next year he either asks well in advance if he wants family over or goes through the same process

YankeeDad · 26/12/2023 15:17

@louisejaynn your partner got his language wrong: you are not ignorant, you are IGNORING…

… IGNORING his selfish and condescending demands…as you should be!

I hope you had a lovely time with your friend!

NumberTheory · 26/12/2023 15:20

susiedaisy1912 · 26/12/2023 15:09

Dump him op he is a lazy twat. It won't get any better

This seems very likely. The way he’s now blaming you, saying he’s embarrassed about your behaviour, pushing his utter failure to consider others off on to you and denigrating you for it, is also a huge red flag.

If you stay and you buy his niece a gift, just give it from you, don’t put his name on it. Stop pushing him to buy his sister a card. If you want a good relationship with his family, forge it for yourself but don’t do all the work of developing his relationship with his family for him because he won’t learn from you, he’ll just rely on you and his family will have a totally false idea of what their relationship with him is really like.

susiedaisy1912 · 26/12/2023 15:20

louisejaynn · 26/12/2023 13:54

If he had the common sense to say
Can you come at 4pm
I would have made some party food etc
Thanks everyone gonna forget about it now
Probably grab a little lush set for his niece for the next time we see her.
I had to prompt him to buy his sister a Christmas card and a bottle of wine
Just the simple things he doesn't have a clue

Oh op you aren't his mother, get rid of him he sounds like a right waste of space.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 26/12/2023 15:21

Ok, 1.
Why are you doing his adulting for him?
2.
Think back. Does he have form for undermining your plans when they don't include him?
3.
Why haven't you dumped him yet?

StragglyTinsel · 26/12/2023 15:24

louisejaynn · 26/12/2023 13:54

He does have a clue. He just doesn’t want to do any of it - even the thinking - when he can get you to do it for him.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 26/12/2023 15:28

If he thinks 'ignorant' means 'rude', then he's the one who's ignorant.

Why would it be YOUR job to entertain HIS family when he can't be arsed himself?

VeronicaSawyer89 · 26/12/2023 15:32

louisejaynn · 26/12/2023 13:48

He won't have organised anything
We have so much party food and desserts
Before I left I said offer them cake /chocolates
Make a drink etc
He won't have
I text asking if he had hoovered and he said no
He said he's embarrassed I'm not with him

OP honestly I'd be embarrassed to be with such a man baby.

KnitFastDieWarm · 26/12/2023 15:32

The fact he doesn’t know how to use the word ’ignorant’ correctly would grind my gears - it means ‘not aware’, it doesn’t mean ‘ignoring’ or ‘rude’ 😁I bet he used it in a really condescending ‘I’m using a big word to put you in your place, you silly woman’ way too didn’t he?

That aside, of course you have every right to go ahead with your own plans. He can fuck off!

Chaiandtoast · 26/12/2023 15:35

Ignorant is not the correct word. He doesn’t sound very intelligent with the other things you’ve mentioned either. Is there a reason he needs to be reminded like a child to offer people a drink?

I honestly can’t believe with that sort of notice, you still offered to prepare food, so i assume this is not unusual for him. It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to offer since he’s a grown man who’s made a plan himself, after turning your offer down multiple times.

Now, perhaps he should stop texting you and get off his phone to host properly and hoover his own home and he may feel less embarrassed.

StillWantingADog · 26/12/2023 15:39

What an absolute plonker

I’d bring it up with him why he said no several times to his sister when you brought it up, and now wants you to run around and host once you’ve made alternative plans

he doesn’t understand what ignorant means.

I do hope you’re having a nice afternoon with your friend

if he’s usually like this then frankly it’s time to consider ltb

Crikeyalmighty · 26/12/2023 15:39

Quite pathetic on his part!!

Pugdays · 26/12/2023 15:40

louisejaynn · 26/12/2023 13:54

Of course they have a clue ,they all do
They just choose to try to get women to do it for them

Winter3000 · 26/12/2023 15:40

If you dumped him today, you'd be shot of him for the new year.
He's a waste of space and he won't get any better.

MeinKraft · 26/12/2023 15:42

Oh god imagine if you had kids with him. He'd ring you constantly when you try to leave the house to ask what to feed them.

avocadotofu · 26/12/2023 15:43

Oh my lord he is utterly ridiculous!! I wouldn't be able to spend my life with someone like that.

lto2019 · 26/12/2023 15:47

He's a dick - do you not have their numbers. I would text them directly and say sorry I am not in - dickhead did not tell me until I was going out you were coming over. I asked him back in Septo to ask and plenty of times since and he said you had other things to do. There's plenty of food in - help yourself if he hasnt offered. Hopefully catch you before you leave but if not blame your
dickhead brother.

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/12/2023 15:47

Has anyone actually voted YABU?! And if so, why?

my opinion is ICK, ICK, ICK

minipie · 26/12/2023 15:49

Why are you with someone who can’t even manage social basics like offering a drink to his own family?

Why are you with someone who doesn’t tell you he’s invited guests, in fact says he hasn’t, and then expects you to drop your friend last minute because he did invite them after all?

Couldyounot · 26/12/2023 15:55

Are you in the wrong? No. He's a fuckwit who seems to think you're a mindreader.

Iconik · 26/12/2023 15:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LittlePudding1 · 26/12/2023 15:56

How long have you been together?
Who owns the house?

Make plans to get rid of him asap, he's a selfish baby and you do not want to spend your life with someone like this

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