Partner says I'm "ignorant" for going out today -when his family are coming over-am I?

[louisejaynn]

We live together.
Back in October I said why don't you invite sister and niece over Boxing Day-I will do food and we can play games etc
He said no-they have their own life etc
I asked a few times in December and kept telling just to ask them.
He said no.
So Boxing Day (today ) I arranged to meet a friend for lunch and do some sales shopping
Partner was watching racing /football anyway so didn't think twice.
Last night he said "oh sister text she's coming over tomorrow "
I asked what time and he said "she didn't say"
I asked him to ask or at least say can you come after 4 and I can prepare food.
He said no I can't do that ,they will have things to do
This morning she texts him saying il be over at 1
I said well I won't be in.
He said I'm ignorant for going out when his family are going over ....but I had already made plans and gave him plenty of options to invite them.
Am I ignorant ?
He is texting now saying -try and get back I'm embarrassed you have chose shopping over my family and that they have a gift for me
I'm sat in a cafe with friend-she's gone to pop to boots so now I feel so bad for not being home
Am I in the wrong ?

He won't have offered her drinks or food? Seriously, what's wrong with him?

Or is that women's work?

Sounds like you've chosen an awful man to settle down with. I'd seriously be questioning your future. Is this what you want, forever?

He is ridiculous. You tried hard to encourage him to invite his family but he refused. After you made plans he now expects you to dump your friend to rush back and wait on his family. Pathetic. He needs to up his game. I'd text back make a drink and offer them food, just pretend you have a vagina. Don't spoil your outing with your friend.

@HappyHedgehog247 · Today 13:58

Be careful having children with this person.

This

Don’t have children with this man. He won’t step up and parent.

Absolutely this.

He sounds like a total waste of space. What does he bring to your relationship?

Hope you had a lovely lunch with your pal and find some bargains in the sale.

There's so many red flags here. The fact he is refusing to do basic hosting tasks, that's he's trying to emotionally manipulate you by saying he's embarrassed. That he expects you to drop your plans last minute for him. None of these are strong or positive qualities in a partner. It seems as though you are in a relationship with someone who has a very childish mentality.

When you get home and inevitably deal with his tantrum and the fall out from this, I think you need to seriously ask yourself and him if this is a relationship or future that you can see yourself investing in and pursuing. His reaction is not one of a mature or well adjusted adult.

I only hope this has not ruined your afternoon out with your friend. It sounds like you need some time to yourself and away from him the nonsense. You seem like a nice person, don't let others take advantage of that.

Well done on not changing your plans. Actions speak and you’re telling him by going out that you won’t change your plans last min because he suddenly decides to do a u turn. He is being a baby.

you offered… he said no. You made other plans and he changed mind last min. His fault.

I think you really have to shut down (or ignore, if you're able to do that without being resentful) his attempted bullying of you if you're going to stay in the relationship. Stop second-guessing yourself when he accuses you of something that's obviously not true. You went out of your way to invite, welcome, accommodate his family, but he/they left it too late to make plans and you couldn't alter yours without being unacceptably rude to your friend. If anything, HE is being ignorant here.

(I'd also suggest, if you see this as a long-term relationship and want to stay in it AND want to be social with his family, that you develop direct links of communication with his family so you can invite them. It's hard to tell if it's him or them, but I'd say given what you're said about him here that there's a better than 50/50 chance that it's solely or mostly him fucking up the communication/planning with them.)

He said he's embarrassed I'm not with him
He’s not. He’s passively aggressively annoyed because you’re not there to be a skivvy.

Just the simple things he doesn't have a clue
No, you’re naive and he’s a lazy arse who is used to having you do all the running around.

How does this man survive normal day to day interactions?

he sounds pathetic and juvenile.

does he have a job?

can he drive a car?

does he pay bills, manage his own personal hygiene?

This x1000.

He sounds like a teenager. I couldn’t put up with that.

I don't understand how a child is allowed to live with you?
Because surely you don't have to remind a grown man to buy a sibling a Christmas card/present.
Seriously op doesn't your vagina just self-seal when he acts like this?

Do not be blackmailed into returning early because ' she has a gift for you '

I guess you are both very young ?

You have to remember you are his partner not his mother, he is not your child to look after.

you could remind him what there is in the fridge, then tell him to offer it / serve it.

Of course he “has a clue”—he didn’t want to thank you for being thoughtful and including his sister so he shat on your attempt to plan and wouldn’t participate. Then, when you didn’t hang around and dance attendance on him he got mad. What isn’t clear about his behavior? What fo you mean he hasn’t a clue? The guy is a walking clue factory. What is confused? If you want to be with a good, respectful, partner don’t lie to yourself and make excuses for piss poor behavior. He does what he does because he likes it like that. He treated you like shit because that is the kind of person he is.

I’d stay out later & go for drink

When you get home he should be offering you food & saying did you have a lovely time. Don’t think it’ll happen though.

In this situation, I wouldn’t even bother to go back, maybe just to sleep.

He needs to deal with that batshitery.

I don't understand your logic staying with this man. He sounds horrendous.
Who needs such stress in their life !

He's embarrassed you've not facilitated him being a good host.

Of course YANBU. How can you not be? He said he didn't want to invite them and you made your own plans. He sounds very manipulative and controlling, as well as immature.

He also sounds terrified of his sister. Can't even send her a text to invite her in the first place, and then to suggest a time!
This is a sign for the future. He's expect you to pander to his family every single time, and he's weaponised incompetence so much that he won't even give them a drink without you present.

Run.

You have 80 short years on this planet, if you're lucky, then you die. And this is what you're choosing for yourself. What a waste.

We all have one chance at life and you're wasting yours with an absolute baby.

I love this thread; a whole gallery of women looking at a man - who has probably unthinkingly ingested and vomited stereotypical male supremacy - and collectively saying "Ugh, who is he?"

Am wondering whether @louisejaynn expected such savage responses condemning her dp?

is he disorganised and last minute in general

Yuck I can't stand men like this, who can't operate alone. And it's his own family! So co-dependant