Partner says I'm "ignorant" for going out today -when his family are coming over-am I?

[louisejaynn]

We live together.
Back in October I said why don't you invite sister and niece over Boxing Day-I will do food and we can play games etc
He said no-they have their own life etc
I asked a few times in December and kept telling just to ask them.
He said no.
So Boxing Day (today ) I arranged to meet a friend for lunch and do some sales shopping
Partner was watching racing /football anyway so didn't think twice.
Last night he said "oh sister text she's coming over tomorrow "
I asked what time and he said "she didn't say"
I asked him to ask or at least say can you come after 4 and I can prepare food.
He said no I can't do that ,they will have things to do
This morning she texts him saying il be over at 1
I said well I won't be in.
He said I'm ignorant for going out when his family are going over ....but I had already made plans and gave him plenty of options to invite them.
Am I ignorant ?
He is texting now saying -try and get back I'm embarrassed you have chose shopping over my family and that they have a gift for me
I'm sat in a cafe with friend-she's gone to pop to boots so now I feel so bad for not being home
Am I in the wrong ?

Another useless man expecting the woman to do all the work, he should be embarrassed that he's incapable of tidying or putting a quick lunch together.

Sounds like he has plenty to be embarrassed about but you not being there with him should not be on the list.

He sounds like hard work. He only wants you there so you can prepare food etc. He's an idiot not to gave asked them to come later once he knew you had plans. Enjoy your trip with your friend.

Your partner doesn't even know the meaning of the word 'ignorant' so feel free to ignore such stupidity.

He said he's embarrassed I'm not with him

Tell him you’re embarrassed that he’s so bloody useless at communicating and organising.

Before I left I said offer them cake /chocolates. Make a drink etc He won't have

Do you mean he will literally not have offered his sister a drink or cake?

How can any adult be this incompetent? How can you stand it? It’s not normal op.

Do you find this man attractive?

This

I would message the sister and say so sorry I missed you today, partner didn't tell me until this morning you were coming and I'd already made plans with a friend. Hope to catch up with you next time. Don't let him spin his narrative to his family

The only mystery here is why you’re in a relationship with this whiny man baby.

So weird. I'd lose him tbh. You aren't an ornament for showing off.

Wow- you have bent over backwards to accommodate his family and he does this?

Ungrateful pathetic man!

You on the other hand sound fabulous! Enjoy your shopping trip and invite me round for tea and cakes!

Don't you dare feel bad.
Don't you dare.

This is 100% on your partner who couldn't be arsed to make plans or to make an effort or to lift a finger.

What joy does he bring to your life. Sounds to me like you do it all.

You're wrong. He DOES have a clue.
He just doesn't give enough of a shit to do it himself and will blame you if it doesn't get done FOR him.

You gave him every chance to have things sorted out. Don't even think of feeling guilty or bad. You know you're in the right.

Women are not human support animals there to prop up men who can't do the bare minimum

Of course he knows to buy his sister a present, offer them food and a drink, run the hoover around before they come, organise plans that suit everyone. He just doesn't give a shit about it so he doesn't do it, and then he expects others to just adjust to his laziness and either do things for him or mess their lives around.

He is giving you a very clear picture of the rest of your life with him if you stay with him and its a pretty depressing one.

@louisejaynn "I don't understand his logic".

Yes I think your dp has behaved weirdly and childishly and lazily. Why did he keep basically refusing to issue a clear, firm invitation for a Boxing Day visit to your home, from the two of you - when you would have had plenty of notice and time to prepare - but then expect you and your home to fully revolve around last minute confirmation of what suited apparently suited his sister with no regard to you?

Immature and a bit weak and pathetic. I think he's embarrassed now because he thinks it makes him looks like 'less of a man' that his loving dp is not available at home to provide unquestioning service.

He's just pissed off you're not there cleaning and hosting. Twat.

Good for you.

Does he make a habit of pissing you about like this?

How on earth do you put up with such a man child?

This.

This situation is a microcosm of what the rest of your life will be like if you have kids with or marry him, OP.

Find a grown up boyfriend instead.

It’s not that he doesn’t have a clue.
It’s that he doesn’t want to make the effort.
It’s that he doesn’t see that as his responsibility but yours.

And he isn’t embarrassed you arent there. He is embarrassed that tu aren’t there to sort stuff out like a nice little wife, doing little wifey things.

I really couldn’t be with a man that is so incompetent he needs his partner to facilitate offering his family drinks.

What sticks out about this to me is that his explanation for why he wouldn't ask them over for a specific time, and also wouldn't even ask them what time they were planning to come, was that they would have things to do and he didn't want to interfere with their schedule. But he had no problem interfering with YOUR schedule and expected you to abandon your plans (and your friend) at a moment's notice to host them.

Any time I see an asymmetry like this in how a person treats you, I think the person is either phenomenally stupid (too stupid to see the contradiction in his own behavior), or doesn't respect or value you.

'Just the simple things he doesn't have a clue.'

Nope, he knows darn well that you will do the work. Waste of space.

He's weaponised that incompetence like pro.

You asked, he said no, you made plans, thus this is his problem.