Partner says I'm "ignorant" for going out today -when his family are coming over-am I?

[louisejaynn]

We live together.
Back in October I said why don't you invite sister and niece over Boxing Day-I will do food and we can play games etc
He said no-they have their own life etc
I asked a few times in December and kept telling just to ask them.
He said no.
So Boxing Day (today ) I arranged to meet a friend for lunch and do some sales shopping
Partner was watching racing /football anyway so didn't think twice.
Last night he said "oh sister text she's coming over tomorrow "
I asked what time and he said "she didn't say"
I asked him to ask or at least say can you come after 4 and I can prepare food.
He said no I can't do that ,they will have things to do
This morning she texts him saying il be over at 1
I said well I won't be in.
He said I'm ignorant for going out when his family are going over ....but I had already made plans and gave him plenty of options to invite them.
Am I ignorant ?
He is texting now saying -try and get back I'm embarrassed you have chose shopping over my family and that they have a gift for me
I'm sat in a cafe with friend-she's gone to pop to boots so now I feel so bad for not being home
Am I in the wrong ?

Why are you still with this obnoxious prick?

Ah, I see what's happened here.

The domestic appliance has malfunctioned.

It has mystifyingly developed a mind and a life of its own, with the ability to plan and enjoy itself without its owner's presence and supervision.

It has stopped working at its multi-function - to tidy, vacuum, cook and serve the owner when he decides it's time.

The manual did not cover this eventuality and the owner is incapable of carrying out any of these basic functions himself because he has no awareness of where anything is in his own home or the most basic rudiments of hosting his own family.

The owner is now upset with the appliance and is venting his frustration against it.

Far too many men think women (and children) are things, property to be used and deployed at will.

Unfortunately you have one of these.

What are you going to do?

Send them a message saying he hadn’t communicated this with you and you’re so sorry to have missed them.

It must have been pretty embarrassing for him as it does show how clueless he is.

He made the choice to host on his own so what is he complaining about.

If he didn’t want to then all he had to do was pick up the phone and call his family and rearrange

Hopefully not go home and make his dinner and provide sex.

Bet he is unkempt and has a whiff about him as well… if he’s that lazy and thinks he’s god’s gift. Sitting there, greasy haired, mouth breathing, and scratching his balls.

Who wouldn’t want such a thing to beautify their homes.

Does he poop golden bullion to keep you in the lap of luxury?
Or perhaps he has a diamond encrusted penis?

Such a prince among men.

The minute a man dared to tell me, as a woman, that I was “ignorant” of anything, I’d be off. What an utterly nasty man-child you have there!

He said he wan't going to invite the family over - you made other plans.

He now has invited his family over and expects you to change your plans - no life doesn't work like that

he needs to sort out his invite, his family and not chop and change his ideas all the time

as for being in all day at their whim - no

Back in October I said why don't you invite sister and niece over Boxing Day-I will do food and we can play games etc
He said no-they have their own life etc

He was ignorant not to invite them.

I asked a few times in December and kept telling just to ask them.
He said no.

He doubled down on his ignorance.

So Boxing Day (today ) I arranged to meet a friend for lunch and do some sales shopping
Partner was watching racing /football anyway so didn't think twice.

He was ignorant in not wanting to do something with you on Boxing Day in the first place.

Last night he said "oh sister text she's coming over tomorrow "
I asked what time and he said "she didn't say"

He was ignorant for not asking a time.

I asked him to ask or at least say can you come after 4 and I can prepare food.
He said no I can't do that ,they will have things to do

He was ignorant in failing to understand YOU had things to do. He was ignorant in understandiing that you preparing food was time limited.

This morning she texts him saying il be over at 1
I said well I won't be in
He said I'm ignorant for going out when his family are going over ....but I had already made plans and gave him plenty of options to invite them.

He is ignorant for not listening to a word your said and understanding your plans and your offers of help

He is texting now saying -try and get back I'm embarrassed you have chose shopping over my family and that they have a gift for me

He is ignorant for trying to guilt trip you despite all your offers previously and his failure to respect you or listen to you.

He is also being a controlling prick.

What is concerning is you are even considering that you are the ignorant one.

Partner’s sister is not much better, announcing this morning that she is coming at 1 pm , but it’s possible that dickhead partner made it an open invitation, believing that the OP would change her plans to accommodate him and his sister.

Come on OP he only wants you there to wait on them all. You need to nip this crap in the bud before it wrecks your relationship.

You make your needs quite clear now. Don't let men push you about.

The partner and the sister sound like two dicks in a pod tbh. If he is incapable of organising some drinks and food, then surely she knows where the kitchen is. It is so annoying that women are the ones supposed to handle everything and if the man has to do anything it is with grumbles and guilt trips. None of them considered you as anything but the maid in this situation, wait around at home for the possibility of a guest to run around after. Sickening.

I would be so embarrassed of HIM, imagine not even being able to offer your own family a slice of cake without your wife holding your hand.

Good grief… some days I really wish I could have the brass neck to be a man like this.

It should be nice to leave everything to the last minute, not bothering on checking, not feeling the need to tidy the house or prepare food for his visiting family and then berate someone else for not doing it.

"He said no-they have their own life etc"
"I asked what time and he said "she didn't say"
"I asked him to ask or at least say can you come after 4 and I can prepare food.
He said no I can't do that ,they will have things to do"
Well, tell me my time doesn't mean shit to you without telling me that. You have things to do as well, you have a life as well. Your DP sounds like a complete ass, don't feel bad you are not the hired help!

I read this very differently from "not being able to host". He's put you in a position being vague and messing around where you can't win to make you his whipping boy.

His family are his responsibility but you repeatedly put it to him to invite them to be kind and welcoming. The ball was in their court. You couldn't do anymore. As arrangements hadn't been sorted you couldn't correctly hang about on the off chance so made other arrangements. They visited, he hosted. His family and his decision.

You're now being punished for not being a mind reader and hovering about in case they called around to be a skivvy. You went out as there were no other plans at the time with him or his family.

Is he often putting you in situations where you can't win? Does he have a problem when you go out with friends and punish you afterwards? Does he expect you to do all the work? It's controlling, manipulative and abusive.

He's a twat!

My exes family used to be like this. Never made or communicated plans in advance, and if they did set a day, never a time, you were expected to be free all day for whenever they dained to arrive/meet! Absolute nightmare, and you will notice I said ex partner, I'm so much happier now not having to deal with it!

Enjoy your shopping day, you have done nothing wrong - if he is an adult he needs to learn to make food and drinks for guests, as a bare minimum! And maybe consider whether the benefits of the relationship outweigh the downsides, you deserve a partner who can act like an adult

I guess as the OP hasn't returned, that she finished shopping early and dashed back.

For all of you criticising the use of the word "ignorant" here, in Northern Ireland it is often used to mean rude. So, it's not wrong. It's a regional variation.

And yes, he's a lazy twat OP. And everyone is giving you this reaction because many, many seemingly nice men have tendencies in the lazy twat direction. And no time of year is this more apparent than at Christmas.

As many have advised before me: find one that's a bit less lazy before you decide to do any popular activity that is really just a joint to do list masquerading as fun (eg having kids or celebrating Christmas or getting married).

You are not ignorant

He is trying to off load his ignorance for not telling you that his family was indeed coming over.

You asked numerous times. Each time was met with either an "I don't know" or an attitude of "I don't care". He wasn't going to tell you, whatever the outcome was.

You were very clear with your intentions so he only has himself to blame for the situation he found himself in. After all, it was his sister that he had to entertain. How difficult was that going to be. Throw on some food for a bite to eat and he's away in a hack - what part of that couldn't he look after?

Fuck me. Want better for yourself than this idiot. He did this shit on purpose. Weaponised incompetence.

Not at all ignorant. He should have planned better.

Well I never 😳 I don't think I will ever fully accept this definition 🤣

Is this is life you want to choose?

WHY would you choose to spend your time on this man?

Life is precious. You can do so much better. You know you do.