My family have made DH cry at Christmas and I'm fucking livid

[SoLongDaisyMay]

They've never liked him, it's always been a personality clash thing which is fine, obviously not everyone is going to like everyone in life. But since we had children it's almost felt like they're ganging up on him and every little thing he does it wrong somehow

We've just opened presents and there's nothing for him. We tend not to do big presents for adults but I've had Dior perfume, a fenty beauty gift set, Pandora jewellery and a few other bits. There is not so much as a tin of shortbread for DH. Had it been a budget issue, they could've got me one fewer present and got something for DH instead, or something we could both share. But no.

We're hosting Christmas this year. He's spent several hundred pounds on food and drink. He's been cooking since yesterday and he's the only person in a family of 8 with no present other than from me (I got him a few bits and we exchanged them earlier)

It's not about stuff. Literally a packet of biscuits would've been a nice gesture to say thank you for hosting. It's the pointedness of leaving him, and only him, out.

I've just had to console my crying husband in the kitchen while he basted the turkey through tears.

It's been little things like this for years but this specific incident absolutely tears it for me, it's the last straw.

So what will you do about it? Their behaviour is awful.

FFS. They wouldn’t be coming next year if it was me. Give him a massive hug from MN.

Well, this begs the question- why are you hosting them when they do stuff like this? If a woman had posted this everyone would be saying "you have a DH problem". Why are you allowing them to treat him like shit?

Your poor dh. But don't blame yourself here.

That is awful. I would talk to them while he's away in the kitchen. I don't think I could keep my mouth shut and sit round the table and eat with them. Your poor dh.

@SoLongDaisyMay I would phone them right now!! tell them christmas is not at your house today or ever again!! pure nasty and evil!!! you should enjoy christmas with your hubby and children instead!!!! tell them they are not getting in the door so not to bother knocking!

@2jacqi they're in my living room right now!

You need to pull them up on this today, don't let this be a "DW" issue.

That’s terrible. I would tell them to get out of my house.

Honestly I would ask them to leave. Tell them that he has gone to so much effort for them, despite knowing they dislike him, just for them to pointedly exclude him on Christmas Day in his own home. That’s fucking nasty and they wouldn’t be welcome here.

Tell them to leave.

Give him a massive hug from us. Tell him how much you appreciate him and don't invite them again.

Shame your oven hs broken. They better leave coz lunch is off... What utter cunts.

Not today, but you need to say something. That is beyond rude and they're quite happy to accept his cooking and hospitality? This would be the last time that would be happening. He must feel shite, but please reassure him that you've got his back.

Your poor husband.

If you had posted this saying you were hosting your in laws and you were the only one without a gift, people would want to know what your husband had done to address this with his family, and if the answer was nothing, they would say you had a husband problem.

So what are you doing to address this with your family? Have you told them how your husband feels and asked them why they feel able to accept the hospitality of someone they dislike so much they won't buy even a token gift for at Christmas?

Sound a bunch of cunts. Is there a backstory? Even if it turns out he’s Bill Sykes re-incarnate, am a bit surprised they’d be happy to sit and eat at the table of a man they so clearly despise.

Stand up for him and ask them to leave. Tell them they don't serve his hospitality and they won't be welcome again until they rethink how they treat him.

I’d go fucking nuclear if it were me, and tell them to leave. I’m not even exaggerating, but my partner is an orphan with a particularly sad upbringing and no family of his own, so perhaps I’m projecting a bit.

I honestly couldn’t abide this, especially on Christmas which is supposed to be intrinsically about forgiveness, kinship and the like.

That is so awful. Your poor husband. You have two choices, OP; keep quiet and finish the day and then mention something later. Or, pull them up on it now. You are between a rock and a hard place. Whichever option you choose, please don’t let your family get away with this horrible demeaning behaviour. Hugs to your husband.

I would honestly end Christmas and tell them to leave. There treating him disgustingly and unfortunately it’s your place to sort them out and. If you don’t you’re complicit. Poor guy, that’s genuinely upsetting, I’d bounce them out the door OP!

I honestly would do this.

Sometimes there is 'that' moment when you know its the end. Christmas day or not. (We are NC with DHs parents)

How can u sit and eat either them after this?

So fcking what? I'd be asking them to leave

Totally agree with @raindropsonatinroof, you need to tell your family in to uncertain terms they're pricks and you're disgusted in them. Show your husband your support through action, not quietly consoling him in the kitchen.

I think you should speak with them about it and do not host them ever again.

That’s a horrible thing to do to anyone.

Let them know what absolute shits they are, how much trouble that he has gone through and why you will never host them ever again or go to there. Should have nipped it in the bud a long time ago!!