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Original poster

My family have made DH cry at Christmas and I'm fucking livid

514 replies

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:28

They've never liked him, it's always been a personality clash thing which is fine, obviously not everyone is going to like everyone in life. But since we had children it's almost felt like they're ganging up on him and every little thing he does it wrong somehow

We've just opened presents and there's nothing for him. We tend not to do big presents for adults but I've had Dior perfume, a fenty beauty gift set, Pandora jewellery and a few other bits. There is not so much as a tin of shortbread for DH. Had it been a budget issue, they could've got me one fewer present and got something for DH instead, or something we could both share. But no.

We're hosting Christmas this year. He's spent several hundred pounds on food and drink. He's been cooking since yesterday and he's the only person in a family of 8 with no present other than from me (I got him a few bits and we exchanged them earlier)

It's not about stuff. Literally a packet of biscuits would've been a nice gesture to say thank you for hosting. It's the pointedness of leaving him, and only him, out.

I've just had to console my crying husband in the kitchen while he basted the turkey through tears.

It's been little things like this for years but this specific incident absolutely tears it for me, it's the last straw.

OP posts:
AnnieSnap · 25/12/2023 13:45

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:43

To those saying ask them to leave, DH has said he can't bring himself to do that to be octogenarian grandparents at Christmas

He's a better person than they are by miles

Of course he can’t, but you can. You should do it for him!

raindropsonatinroof · 25/12/2023 13:45

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:43

To those saying ask them to leave, DH has said he can't bring himself to do that to be octogenarian grandparents at Christmas

He's a better person than they are by miles

Its not his responsibility to ask them to leave, its YOURS- they're your family

sunshinesupermum · 25/12/2023 13:45

That is beyond dreadful. As for octogenarian grandparents - they should have better manners than to treat your DH with such disdain. Who the F do they think they are?

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Doveytail · 25/12/2023 13:46

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:43

To those saying ask them to leave, DH has said he can't bring himself to do that to be octogenarian grandparents at Christmas

He's a better person than they are by miles

I agree OP, let them stay for Christmas . Speak with them later

TheFormidableMrsC · 25/12/2023 13:46

He's a better person than me. I'd go in there and tell them they are an embarrassment after the amount of effort he's gone to for them. You have to pull them up on it, it's not ok. Another one sending an un-mumsnetty hug to him.

beachcomber70 · 25/12/2023 13:46

Tell them to go.

As they put on their coats maybe educate these morons in how to be polite to another human being and not cruel especially whilst under their roof, accepting hospitality and stuffing their vitriolic faces....

Then slam the door on them.

Snugglemonkey · 25/12/2023 13:46

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:43

To those saying ask them to leave, DH has said he can't bring himself to do that to be octogenarian grandparents at Christmas

He's a better person than they are by miles

Perhaps he cannot, but you can.

DriftingDora · 25/12/2023 13:46

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:32

@2jacqi they're in my living room right now!

Then you need to confront them. I cannot understand how you've let them get away with it, it's hurtful and unkind and says much more about them than it does about him. Surely if they've always had this attitude towards him you must have suspected what would happen? Why haven't you pushed back before, why wait until Christmas Day?

TheFormidableMrsC · 25/12/2023 13:46

ReadySalty · 25/12/2023 13:45

It's sucks.
My mil has done the exact same thing for the second year in a row with "I forgot".
Not a sorry, just "I forgot".

It's not about the gift is about feeling alienated in my own fucking home!

So sorry, you know to forget next year 🙄

TuxedoCatsRule · 25/12/2023 13:47

Why don’t you go and ask them where his present is? Put them on the spot of explaining to you why they didn’t bring him anything.

YouveGotAFastCar · 25/12/2023 13:47

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:43

To those saying ask them to leave, DH has said he can't bring himself to do that to be octogenarian grandparents at Christmas

He's a better person than they are by miles

Then I’d tell him that if he wants them to leave, or wants to cut their stay short later, I’d be fully behind him.

And then I’d be going exceptionally low contact after this, with all of them. It sounds like you should have done that a while ago, but now is definitely time. That’s outright horrible.

Whataretheodds · 25/12/2023 13:47

Sunshinebuttercupsrainbows · 25/12/2023 13:32

Honestly I would ask them to leave. Tell them that he has gone to so much effort for them, despite knowing they dislike him, just for them to pointedly exclude him on Christmas Day in his own home. That’s fucking nasty and they wouldn’t be welcome here.

This. Who the hell do they think they are. Don't make him sit round the table with them.

WannabeMathematician · 25/12/2023 13:47

It does sound like you are choosing them over him. Why aren’t you defending him? Why do you need his permission to stand up for him, he’s being a good person by not forcing you to choose but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.

wronginalltherightways · 25/12/2023 13:48

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:43

To those saying ask them to leave, DH has said he can't bring himself to do that to be octogenarian grandparents at Christmas

He's a better person than they are by miles

You can, though.

YOUR family is being horrible to YOUR husband.

YOU ask him to leave.

It's not his responsibility, it's yours.

moonlitnoir · 25/12/2023 13:48

Well you can't be that "livid" about it if you're not doing a single thing to address it. Seems like you DGAF

Whataretheodds · 25/12/2023 13:49

raindropsonatinroof · 25/12/2023 13:45

Its not his responsibility to ask them to leave, its YOURS- they're your family

Show quote history

This! If you don't want to send them away without food them dish some stuff into a tupperware for them. They can microwave it when they get home.

Makkacakka · 25/12/2023 13:49

That's so odd! My in-laws (well one of them.. I bet you can guess which) is not my cup of tea, and I'm not to them either. But we still exchange gifts. If not, they'd be out of the door. That's bullying behaviour to give to all but him.

Angelsrose · 25/12/2023 13:49

That's so awful for your DH, the lack of a present was designed to hurt him and it has. Really sorry to hear this.

Damnedidont · 25/12/2023 13:49

Where's your loyalty? Take charge and show him you care. It's not up to him. It's your family

MrsMiddleMother · 25/12/2023 13:49

No YOU need to TELL them to leave. The way they've treated your husband is disgusting.

wronginalltherightways · 25/12/2023 13:49

ReadySalty · 25/12/2023 13:45

It's sucks.
My mil has done the exact same thing for the second year in a row with "I forgot".
Not a sorry, just "I forgot".

It's not about the gift is about feeling alienated in my own fucking home!

Has your husband actually said anything to them?

RiaOverTheRainbow · 25/12/2023 13:49

Even if you can't kick them out right now, I'd still tell them how disappointed I was in them and that they wouldn't be welcome in our home again.

ReadySalty · 25/12/2023 13:50

@wronginalltherightways

Not he excuses and enables her.

jays · 25/12/2023 13:50

It’s not your DH’s job to ask them to leave, it’s yours and I wouldn’t be asking I’d be telling. If you don’t say anything and just let it go you’re telling them it’s fine to treat him like that.

cryinglaughing · 25/12/2023 13:50

Your dh is a better person than me, seeing as he will still be sitting round the table with them.

I would certainly not be making them welcome in my home again.
Being non confrontational, I probably wouldn't say anything, I would just not contact them and ignore their attempts at contact. I am aware this is probably a flaw in my character 🤣