My family have made DH cry at Christmas and I'm fucking livid

[SoLongDaisyMay]

They've never liked him, it's always been a personality clash thing which is fine, obviously not everyone is going to like everyone in life. But since we had children it's almost felt like they're ganging up on him and every little thing he does it wrong somehow

We've just opened presents and there's nothing for him. We tend not to do big presents for adults but I've had Dior perfume, a fenty beauty gift set, Pandora jewellery and a few other bits. There is not so much as a tin of shortbread for DH. Had it been a budget issue, they could've got me one fewer present and got something for DH instead, or something we could both share. But no.

We're hosting Christmas this year. He's spent several hundred pounds on food and drink. He's been cooking since yesterday and he's the only person in a family of 8 with no present other than from me (I got him a few bits and we exchanged them earlier)

It's not about stuff. Literally a packet of biscuits would've been a nice gesture to say thank you for hosting. It's the pointedness of leaving him, and only him, out.

I've just had to console my crying husband in the kitchen while he basted the turkey through tears.

It's been little things like this for years but this specific incident absolutely tears it for me, it's the last straw.

My in-laws hated me so much that two years in a row I got an apron with a poem about people born in the 1940s on it. I was born in 1979!

OP, you invited your family to Christmas knowing your DH does all the work and knowing they treat him poorly. And here they are, true to form.

And you're just sitting there wringing your hands?

This is on you, too, if you don't kick them out.

You know that, right?

Have you not at least asked them if they have forgotten to give DH his gift to put them on the spot and see what they say?

I’d be asking them (telling them) to leave.

Awful behaviour.

Sorry, should have said that after year 2 dh had a word and they haven't spent Christmas day with us since. Stick up for your dh. He deserves it.

I think OP you need to deal with your family but the timing is important. I think if there are kids there, then to confront now and ask them to leave is going to be too difficult.

However once they have gone home I would be giving it with both barrels and not inviting them again

That’s awful and so sad
let him know your not happy and if pull them up on this ungrateful horrible behaviour
and never invite them again

This is atrocious behaviour from adults who should know better. The onus is now on you to do / say something to your family to show your support for DH. If I was your DH & you did nothing I'd be reassessing my relationship with you. It doesn't have to be nasty or cause a blazing row but you do need to make a very clear point.

He needs you to deal with this

I would pass your presents back and ask them to leave

I'd go further. Hand back the gifts they bought you (how you can use them knowing how they treat your husband is beyond me).
Never invite them again and tell them why.

Your family sound vile. Your DH may not want to be the one to throw them out but you certainly should. What on earth are you going to chat about over Christmas Dinner after their treatment of your DH?? I am struggling to see how you could possibly civilly pass the sprouts round after this.

That's actually made me cry, what an absolutely awful way to treat someone. Especially when they are in HIS home and he is cooking and providing all their food. Disgraceful

I think OP you need to deal with your family but the timing is important. I think if there are kids there, then to confront now and ask them to leave is going to be too difficult.

There is a point of view that this is a unique teaching moment for children. About being kind, but being brave and standing up for people you love.

Not read all PPs but this must surely be a mistake?
Haven't YOU - they are YOUR family - asked them where DH's presents are?
Have they left them in the car, train or something? How can you just let this pass while they eat your food? How can they actually eat at your table without being embarrassed? Perhaps they think getting presents is just a ''women'' thing or just for very very immediate family?

Think of the heavenly Xmas next year when they won’t be there. And the ones after that that you’ll enjoy all the more.

Call them out tomorrow. Don’t let them
back.

Don't plate up any food for them and tell them it's with his present.

Sounds lovely, although my DH would just swallow it, so would I, and I think the right thing to do is send them home, then anyone asking them about Christmas and they'd have to explain how unbelievably rude they were and they were pulled up on it!

You need to pull them up on this and fuck them off next year

They've never liked him but leaving him out at Christmas is new. Married 7 years. Our kids are 4 and 1 and loving Christmas this year so DH and I have agreed to go ahead with the meal for their sake. I'll go nuclear when the kids are out of earshot and they won't be welcome in my home again, for Christmas or otherwise. This will not be tolerated.

They are YOUR family, and you are not standing up for your husband. You are nearly as bad as your family tbh.

Edit: Ok I see your update. Please let us know how this goes.

I'd be clapping my hands together to get everyones attention with a cry of 'I've got a new Christmas game we can all play!! It's called 'Why Didn't You Get My Darling Husband a gift and I got four!'...You first Edith!'

My DH wouldn't have a say in this. Their feet wouldn't touch the ground on the way out. I'm stunned they are still in your house.

Why are you posting on here if you're "fucking livid"? Direct your anger towards the group of people in your living room who have deliberately caused this problem. Go in and ask them to justify their behaviour. Your poor DH, no wonder he's crying, even his wife won't stand up for him against her evil family.

I really think I would be telling them to go find a very expensive dinner ( your DH probably paid half of ) somewhere else. I’m sorry @SoLongDaisyMay but at least he doesn’t have to put up with them ever again.

@SoLongDaisyMay

You need to tell them that's they are totally disgrace 😤 doing this to your husband,

Why haven't you pulled them on this sooner,

Tell them today this idea of hosting them like this will never happen again ever, and definitely tell them why and that you are royally pissed off with it,

Why is he accommodating so much for your family who sound like frankly a couple or bunch of Arseholes ?

Why are you allowing him to be mistreated like this?

This is psychological torture and its emotionally degrading and humilating.!