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Original poster

My family have made DH cry at Christmas and I'm fucking livid

514 replies

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:28

They've never liked him, it's always been a personality clash thing which is fine, obviously not everyone is going to like everyone in life. But since we had children it's almost felt like they're ganging up on him and every little thing he does it wrong somehow

We've just opened presents and there's nothing for him. We tend not to do big presents for adults but I've had Dior perfume, a fenty beauty gift set, Pandora jewellery and a few other bits. There is not so much as a tin of shortbread for DH. Had it been a budget issue, they could've got me one fewer present and got something for DH instead, or something we could both share. But no.

We're hosting Christmas this year. He's spent several hundred pounds on food and drink. He's been cooking since yesterday and he's the only person in a family of 8 with no present other than from me (I got him a few bits and we exchanged them earlier)

It's not about stuff. Literally a packet of biscuits would've been a nice gesture to say thank you for hosting. It's the pointedness of leaving him, and only him, out.

I've just had to console my crying husband in the kitchen while he basted the turkey through tears.

It's been little things like this for years but this specific incident absolutely tears it for me, it's the last straw.

OP posts:
Sugarsun · 25/12/2023 13:51

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:43

To those saying ask them to leave, DH has said he can't bring himself to do that to be octogenarian grandparents at Christmas

He's a better person than they are by miles

I would respect your DH’s wishes but once they’ve gone or just about going, I would make sure DH and the kids are no where near and give them both barrels.

Make it perfectly clear about all of the things he’s done for them today and that you won’t be hosting them ever again and instead will be having DHs family.

CatchHimDerry · 25/12/2023 13:51

Yes, they’d be out. I wouldn’t forgive this, your poor DH

dapsnotplimsolls · 25/12/2023 13:51

Are they staying over or just there for the day? I'd let them eat then kick them out.

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Christmas Events & celebrations
Reugny · 25/12/2023 13:51

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:43

To those saying ask them to leave, DH has said he can't bring himself to do that to be octogenarian grandparents at Christmas

He's a better person than they are by miles

It isn't on your DH it is on you.

Woman up and take responsibility. They are your relations who are treating your DH like shit.

chillin12 · 25/12/2023 13:51

Aww that’s so tight. Can’t believe they made him cry, and excluded him like this. You need to stand up for him and confront your family 💯

user1492757084 · 25/12/2023 13:51

It's your family. Have your husband's back.
I would say, "I'm really sad that no one thought to buy my beautiful husband, who is cooking lunch for you all, a gift.
I am disappointed in you, my family."

And leave the room and let them dwell on how you are feeling.
It is down right mean. Focus on your husband and have a nice day with him, forget who you are with. Reconsider sharing Christmas with bullies again..

MegaClutterSlut · 25/12/2023 13:51

You need to defend your bloody husband here. If you let them treat him this way, your just as big of an arsehole them! Fucking hell

TypicalCoach · 25/12/2023 13:52

I think we all know OP won't say or do nothing, will ler it lie but "promises she wont have then here next year"

Dont be a Shithouse get in that room and tell them all to fuck off and have it out with them.

TheWeatherOutsideIs · 25/12/2023 13:52

Surely you give them your gifts back and throw them out.

CherryBlossom321 · 25/12/2023 13:52

He can’t ask them to leave……but you can. After you’ve made sure they feel as uncomfortable as they deserve to by putting them in the spot and saying, “How come you’ve turned up today to be hosted and cooked for by DH, and excluded him from gifts? How unkind.”

Mooshroo · 25/12/2023 13:52

Merry Christmas Mr SoLongDaisyMay 🥂

whereaw · 25/12/2023 13:52

I would give them your gifts back, say you're a package deal, and so is their Christmas dinner and your hosting.
What do they have to say about that? If there isn't serious grovelling send them on their way.

bryceQ · 25/12/2023 13:53

That's horrible and I wouldn't want to celebrate Christmas with them again. It's vile your poor husband. So disrespectful

SpongeBobSquarePantaloons · 25/12/2023 13:53

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:32

@2jacqi they're in my living room right now!

Even better! Tell them to fuck off to their faces!

Coastalcreeksider · 25/12/2023 13:53

For the life of me, even if I disliked someone in the family, I would never, ever leave them out of a present.

I cannot get over how really horrible some people are.

Your poor husband, he doesn't deserve this after all the effort he is going to to make their Christmas a lovely one. 😢

C152 · 25/12/2023 13:53

That is really dreadful. Did they forget because they care so little about him or did they deliberately decide not to buy him a present? My ex inlaws were bloody demonic, but they still got me a token gift if we saw them at Christmas. I know you said your DH said he can't face asking them to leave, but I don't think I would let them stay.

ColonelBrandonsPiano · 25/12/2023 13:54

I agree with your husband here that however other behave, you need to hold yourself to your own standards. - not those of others.
unless they’re being openly rude or hostile to your husband today (which should of course be adressed at the time), I’d be a gracious host today and follow up with a conversation after Christmas. I’d be curious to understand how they managed to arrive without a gift, and let them know future expectations. And go from there.

PinkflowersWhiteBerries · 25/12/2023 13:54

OP, you do need to hand them back the presents they gave you; do not accept that shit from them.
I would be asking them what they were thinking? And while I understand he wants to feed them, I would be getting their coats and leaving them in their eyeliner, to be put on as soon as pudding is done .

wronginalltherightways · 25/12/2023 13:54

ReadySalty · 25/12/2023 13:50

@wronginalltherightways

Not he excuses and enables her.

I'm sorry. Unfortunately, he is the real problem here then. I'm sorry he's letting you down so badly.

Cheeseyfoodlover · 25/12/2023 13:54

Crying on Christmas day in your own home whilst forking out hundreds on hosting sounds like me a few years ago!! DH told my in laws to leave and they haven't been invited back for Christmas since. Make the decision OP and get rid of them they are your family and the disrespect they have for your DH is unreal!!!

ShortColdandGrey · 25/12/2023 13:55

Have you actually said anything them or are you just going to let them away with their shitty behaviour?

Reugny · 25/12/2023 13:55

C152 · 25/12/2023 13:53

That is really dreadful. Did they forget because they care so little about him or did they deliberately decide not to buy him a present? My ex inlaws were bloody demonic, but they still got me a token gift if we saw them at Christmas. I know you said your DH said he can't face asking them to leave, but I don't think I would let them stay.

They clearly did it on purpose to make a point.

I buy gifts for strangers in the homes where people I know are hosting to ensure they at least get one gift.

warmfluffsandpuffs · 25/12/2023 13:55

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

Frequency · 25/12/2023 13:55

We're hosting Christmas this year. He's spent several hundred pounds on food and drink. He's been cooking since yesterday and he's the only person in a family of 8 with no present other than from me (I got him a few bits and we exchanged them earlier)

Can I just say your husband sounds lovely. To do all of that for people who do not like him shows what a generous and gracious man he is. I wouldn't have done it in his shoes. You're very lucky, OP.

I would definitely have words with your family, maybe not today if you don't (understandably) want an atmosphere but at the very least a sharply worded text tomorrow about how hurtful and childish their actions were, especially when he went out of his way to make the day special for them.

Brefugee · 25/12/2023 13:55

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:43

To those saying ask them to leave, DH has said he can't bring himself to do that to be octogenarian grandparents at Christmas

He's a better person than they are by miles

your DH sounds lovely. I'd wait until they're leaving and say something. I couldn't let that slide.

It would be along the lines of i hope you feel good about not giving the steam off your piss to the guy who shopped and prepped and cooked for you ungrateful fuckers.

Because I'm blunt like that.