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Original poster

My family have made DH cry at Christmas and I'm fucking livid

514 replies

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:28

They've never liked him, it's always been a personality clash thing which is fine, obviously not everyone is going to like everyone in life. But since we had children it's almost felt like they're ganging up on him and every little thing he does it wrong somehow

We've just opened presents and there's nothing for him. We tend not to do big presents for adults but I've had Dior perfume, a fenty beauty gift set, Pandora jewellery and a few other bits. There is not so much as a tin of shortbread for DH. Had it been a budget issue, they could've got me one fewer present and got something for DH instead, or something we could both share. But no.

We're hosting Christmas this year. He's spent several hundred pounds on food and drink. He's been cooking since yesterday and he's the only person in a family of 8 with no present other than from me (I got him a few bits and we exchanged them earlier)

It's not about stuff. Literally a packet of biscuits would've been a nice gesture to say thank you for hosting. It's the pointedness of leaving him, and only him, out.

I've just had to console my crying husband in the kitchen while he basted the turkey through tears.

It's been little things like this for years but this specific incident absolutely tears it for me, it's the last straw.

OP posts:
SuperSange · 25/12/2023 13:40

Why are you allowing them to treat him like that in his own home? You need to be stepping up and letting them know it's not ok. It's beyond my comprehension that you're hosting them at all when they behave like that towards him.

Sugarsun · 25/12/2023 13:40

arethereanyleftatall · 25/12/2023 13:37

Actually, give your dh a cuddle and ask him what he wants you to do. Say you'll do whatever he wants. Then do that.

Great idea.

This is the best idea, ask him what he wants you to do and then do it.

At least you know this is the absolute last straw.

I would also be publicly thanking DH for buying all of the food and spending hours in the kitchen for you and your family.

Looks like next year it will be DH’s family coming instead.

LaurieStrode · 25/12/2023 13:40

Is there a backstory to this? Do they always leave him out? Or is this new? How old are you now and how long have you been married?

I'd ve tempted to make a scene and ask them to leave.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Events & celebrations
ssd · 25/12/2023 13:40

Id be telling them their dinner is where dhs present is eg. Non existent so could they just leave now

SnowflakeSparkles · 25/12/2023 13:41

Yes please send our mumsnetty love to him, and tell him that it is NOT a reflection of him and that people who are willing to be so pathetic and spiteful are not worth trifling with (pardon the Christmas pun).

You two will get through this and be stronger for it. Merry Christmas to you both

pikkumyy77 · 25/12/2023 13:41

I would send them home to find dh’s gift. Tell them they can come back next year if they find it and its a good one. Then just carry on with the rest of the day.

TheFormidableMrsC · 25/12/2023 13:41

I'd tell them to fuck off and have a lovely day together. What a bunch of shits. I'm so sorry for him ❤️

GandalfTheWhite · 25/12/2023 13:41

My family don't get on with my DH but they STILL get him a present every Christmas!! Leaving somebody out like that is just absolutely awful

I'd be kicking them out to be honest.

LaurieStrode · 25/12/2023 13:41

AnnieSnap · 25/12/2023 13:39

You need to address this with them today. Your DH and you are upset. They shouldn’t be able to do this and just be happy guests!

Good point. Why should they get away with making you two feel like shit?

AperolWhore · 25/12/2023 13:41

@SoLongDaisyMay i would be asking them to politely leave. Do not allow this behaviour to continue!

NoTouch · 25/12/2023 13:42

arethereanyleftatall · 25/12/2023 13:38

If this was the other way round, and your dh did nothing, everyone on mn would say you have a dh problem.

Absolutely, don't let them gang up on, bully and intimate your poor dh like this in his own home on Christmas day out of misplaced politeness or duty. It is not worth it, stand up for him right now. Dont make him sit through dinner with this unresolvedl

Reugny · 25/12/2023 13:42

You need to make a speech at Christmas Dinner.

Tell them how your DH bought and cooked their dinner. Then ask them where his present is from them.

After they try to brush it off tell them it's time for them to leave, physically take their plates from them and spend the next hour chucking them out.

If they refuse to go, you need to go mad and kick off big time.

However much you dislike someone at Xmas if they are in the household you are visiting you get them something even socks.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 25/12/2023 13:42

You’ve enabled them by continuing to host them and play happy families when you know how they treat your DH. Why in earth aren’t you taking his side in this and refusing to have them in your house? What kind of example are you setting your kids letting them see family treat their dad this way? You should be taking a stand and telling them they won’t be welcome if they continue to deliberately belittle your husband like that.

Whattodowithit88 · 25/12/2023 13:42

Poor DH, tell him you won’t be hosting them next year, instead all the extra money for food and bits for them will be being spent on him because he deserves it.

Snugglemonkey · 25/12/2023 13:42

arethereanyleftatall · 25/12/2023 13:37

Actually, give your dh a cuddle and ask him what he wants you to do. Say you'll do whatever he wants. Then do that.

I would not put dh in this position. He is making them alldin, despite a history of poor behaviour. He is a lovely man putting shitty people over himself to please his wife. I would defend him.

macaronicheezepleeze · 25/12/2023 13:43

Just adding to the chorus of voices saying tell them to leave.

I couldn't see the man I love be so hurt like that. They need to be called out for such appalling behaviour and never invited back.

Brendabigbaps · 25/12/2023 13:43

CanaryCanary · 25/12/2023 13:29

So what will you do about it? Their behaviour is awful.

This, you need to pull them up on it.
personally I’d be spitting in the gravy

wronginalltherightways · 25/12/2023 13:43

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:32

@2jacqi they're in my living room right now!

I would tell them all to leave.

I would.

Seriously.

They happily appear to sit on your furniture and wait while your husband cooks and serves the food he sourced, paid for and prepared for them while not buying him a single Christmas present? And talk shit about him?

Tell them all to get to fuck.

Have his back.

Nogooddeed7 · 25/12/2023 13:43

Quite honestly I’d be telling them to leave. How dare they treat him like that in his own house!

Original poster
SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:43

To those saying ask them to leave, DH has said he can't bring himself to do that to be octogenarian grandparents at Christmas

He's a better person than they are by miles

OP posts:
Deebee90 · 25/12/2023 13:44

The minute you married him he became their family. I’d be asking them to leave and not come back. selfish fuckers. My ex’s family did it to be after I bought them a massive hamper. I took the hamper and walked out

giraffetrousers · 25/12/2023 13:45

You’ve enabled them by continuing to host them and play happy families when you know how they treat your DH. Why in earth aren’t you taking his side in this and refusing to have them in your house? What kind of example are you setting your kids letting them see family treat their dad this way? You should be taking a stand and telling them they won’t be welcome if they continue to deliberately belittle your husband like that.

Yup. YOU have contributed to this OP because you have never told them off before so of course it has escalated into this shit show now- wasn't it obvious this was going to happen if they have always been this way?. Why have you not had words with them before about this and why are you acting now like you are helpless in this scenario? I'd be devastated if my partner acted like you and just accepted this. Kick them out.

romdowa · 25/12/2023 13:45

I'd go absolutely wild and they would all be given their coats and told Christmas is over. There's no way I'd tolerate that disrespect to my dh in his own house

Emptyheadlock · 25/12/2023 13:45

He shouldn't fucking have to.

YOU should be doing it.

ReadySalty · 25/12/2023 13:45

It's sucks.
My mil has done the exact same thing for the second year in a row with "I forgot".
Not a sorry, just "I forgot".

It's not about the gift is about feeling alienated in my own fucking home!