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Original poster

My family have made DH cry at Christmas and I'm fucking livid

514 replies

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:28

They've never liked him, it's always been a personality clash thing which is fine, obviously not everyone is going to like everyone in life. But since we had children it's almost felt like they're ganging up on him and every little thing he does it wrong somehow

We've just opened presents and there's nothing for him. We tend not to do big presents for adults but I've had Dior perfume, a fenty beauty gift set, Pandora jewellery and a few other bits. There is not so much as a tin of shortbread for DH. Had it been a budget issue, they could've got me one fewer present and got something for DH instead, or something we could both share. But no.

We're hosting Christmas this year. He's spent several hundred pounds on food and drink. He's been cooking since yesterday and he's the only person in a family of 8 with no present other than from me (I got him a few bits and we exchanged them earlier)

It's not about stuff. Literally a packet of biscuits would've been a nice gesture to say thank you for hosting. It's the pointedness of leaving him, and only him, out.

I've just had to console my crying husband in the kitchen while he basted the turkey through tears.

It's been little things like this for years but this specific incident absolutely tears it for me, it's the last straw.

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 27/12/2023 19:47

dooneyousmugelf · 27/12/2023 19:34

@Calliopespa you didn't say that, nor did I say you did. I quoted it as it's elsewhere on the thread. I hate to think grown adults sit waiting for 'juicy updates'. How pathetic that is if that's the case.
It's so depressing, actually, that here on Mumsnet a poster is being congratulated for acting 'gracefully' and 'not like a screaming harpy fishwife' because she didn't take control and assert herself to protect her DH. Would never happen to a man. They would be encouraged to remove the problem/diffuse a hostile situation by making troublemakers leave/stand up for his crying wife.

(I'm not addressing your post especially the latter part of it where you again get personal with me- very silly).

You’ve confusing me with another poster. I said nothing about screaming harpy fish wife etc. I’m losing the thread of what you are objecting to.

Anyway, the bottom line is that I, like some other posters, don’t think OP should have said anything on the day, given her DH wanted to preserve the harmony for dcs. I think she SHOULD say something following day. I also referred to situations in which, like OP’s DH, I had not wanted my DH to say done thing at the time. I am a woman. OPs DH is a man. It’s got nothing to do with gender. I’m sorry if you disagree but that’s the nature of these threads. Nothing gets posted because the OP considers it obvious as to how to act.

Calliopespa · 27/12/2023 19:48

Calliopespa · 27/12/2023 19:47

You’ve confusing me with another poster. I said nothing about screaming harpy fish wife etc. I’m losing the thread of what you are objecting to.

Anyway, the bottom line is that I, like some other posters, don’t think OP should have said anything on the day, given her DH wanted to preserve the harmony for dcs. I think she SHOULD say something following day. I also referred to situations in which, like OP’s DH, I had not wanted my DH to say done thing at the time. I am a woman. OPs DH is a man. It’s got nothing to do with gender. I’m sorry if you disagree but that’s the nature of these threads. Nothing gets posted because the OP considers it obvious as to how to act.

Show quote history

And sadly, it seems some posters do like to provoke as much drama as possible and I agree it’s sad. At least we can agree on that.

Treefusis · 27/12/2023 22:36

dooneyousmugelf · 27/12/2023 19:34

@Calliopespa you didn't say that, nor did I say you did. I quoted it as it's elsewhere on the thread. I hate to think grown adults sit waiting for 'juicy updates'. How pathetic that is if that's the case.
It's so depressing, actually, that here on Mumsnet a poster is being congratulated for acting 'gracefully' and 'not like a screaming harpy fishwife' because she didn't take control and assert herself to protect her DH. Would never happen to a man. They would be encouraged to remove the problem/diffuse a hostile situation by making troublemakers leave/stand up for his crying wife.

(I'm not addressing your post especially the latter part of it where you again get personal with me- very silly).

It’s got nothing to do with being graceful- it’s a practical matter of how to deal with volatile people who are in your home, with your young children, on Christmas Day.

Common sense tells you that it’s a bad idea to provoke an argument in that situation.

Yes, the families behaviour was awful, yes it might have been better had they not been invited in the first place, yes the op would be entirely justified in saying that’s it and never seeing them again, yes- she might well feel like shouting a few home truths at them-

but non of that needs to be done against the victims wishes and in front of vulnerable children. She can yell at them just as loud on Boxing Day, she can never invite them back after they leave.

There is literally nothing to be gained by allowing the situation to deteriorate into open aggression unless the op was the kind of person who cares more about ‘being right’ than she does about her family.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Events & celebrations
Treefusis · 27/12/2023 22:40

Treefusis · 27/12/2023 22:36

It’s got nothing to do with being graceful- it’s a practical matter of how to deal with volatile people who are in your home, with your young children, on Christmas Day.

Common sense tells you that it’s a bad idea to provoke an argument in that situation.

Yes, the families behaviour was awful, yes it might have been better had they not been invited in the first place, yes the op would be entirely justified in saying that’s it and never seeing them again, yes- she might well feel like shouting a few home truths at them-

but non of that needs to be done against the victims wishes and in front of vulnerable children. She can yell at them just as loud on Boxing Day, she can never invite them back after they leave.

There is literally nothing to be gained by allowing the situation to deteriorate into open aggression unless the op was the kind of person who cares more about ‘being right’ than she does about her family.

Show quote history

Also, if there was an issue like this in my home and I made it clear how I wanted to deal with it (as the op’s husband has), I would be fucking livid if my spouse came along, disregarded my wishes and did whatever they wanted, as if I was a child who didn’t know what was good for me.

suki1964 · 28/12/2023 00:19

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Zonder · 28/12/2023 09:19

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It was her DH who cooked. It's literally in the OP.

dpbarbie9 · 29/12/2023 09:47

I know how your DH feels I got nothing from my in laws the other daughter in law got loads of presents 🙄

Fynetanksfather · 29/12/2023 11:27

dpbarbie9 · 29/12/2023 09:47

I know how your DH feels I got nothing from my in laws the other daughter in law got loads of presents 🙄

God that’s rude

Calliopespa · 29/12/2023 11:38

dpbarbie9 · 29/12/2023 09:47

I know how your DH feels I got nothing from my in laws the other daughter in law got loads of presents 🙄

That’s cruel.

MzHz · 29/12/2023 16:23

@SoLongDaisyMay so has your mothers present to DH turned up yet?

Ladyofthelake53 · 29/12/2023 16:43

Theyve got the brass neck to be hosted at your home after behaving like that....id tell them to do one. Obviously dont mind eating your food etc....wankers

dpbarbie9 · 29/12/2023 19:33

my husbands brother got a lot more presents than he did and more expensive very weird!

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/01/2024 08:01

Did you speak with them op?

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 11/01/2024 23:15

@SoLongDaisyMay did you speak to them?

Please say you did and didn’t brush it under the mat.

I have thought about your dh since Christmas Day 😢

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