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Original poster

My family have made DH cry at Christmas and I'm fucking livid

514 replies

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:28

They've never liked him, it's always been a personality clash thing which is fine, obviously not everyone is going to like everyone in life. But since we had children it's almost felt like they're ganging up on him and every little thing he does it wrong somehow

We've just opened presents and there's nothing for him. We tend not to do big presents for adults but I've had Dior perfume, a fenty beauty gift set, Pandora jewellery and a few other bits. There is not so much as a tin of shortbread for DH. Had it been a budget issue, they could've got me one fewer present and got something for DH instead, or something we could both share. But no.

We're hosting Christmas this year. He's spent several hundred pounds on food and drink. He's been cooking since yesterday and he's the only person in a family of 8 with no present other than from me (I got him a few bits and we exchanged them earlier)

It's not about stuff. Literally a packet of biscuits would've been a nice gesture to say thank you for hosting. It's the pointedness of leaving him, and only him, out.

I've just had to console my crying husband in the kitchen while he basted the turkey through tears.

It's been little things like this for years but this specific incident absolutely tears it for me, it's the last straw.

OP posts:
Dotdotdotdot19 · 25/12/2023 13:34

I'd cancel it. And tell them exactly why I was cancelling it. Probably with a few choice words thrown in.

Karrak · 25/12/2023 13:34

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

Toxic people infect others, regardless of whether they are family or not.

moleeye · 25/12/2023 13:34

Are you going to stick up for him or what?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Events & celebrations
jays · 25/12/2023 13:35

SnowflakeSparkles · 25/12/2023 13:33

I’d go fucking nuclear if it were me, and tell them to leave. I’m not even exaggerating, but my partner is an orphan with a particularly sad upbringing and no family of his own, so perhaps I’m projecting a bit.

I honestly couldn’t abide this, especially on Christmas which is supposed to be intrinsically about forgiveness, kinship and the like.

I honestly would too, I would blow up at that and I’m usually a peace keeper.

dothehokeycokey · 25/12/2023 13:35

I would go nuts if this was my family op

Grit your teeth through the meal and then kick them out swiftly after telling them they have behaved like absolute cunts.

Don't let your husband be the brunt of their toxic behaviour

arethereanyleftatall · 25/12/2023 13:36

Op - you need to go in their right now and show your husband that you care. They have been unacceptably horrible. I would love to think I would tell them all to leave. A strong person would.

Iam4eels · 25/12/2023 13:36

SoLongDaisyMay · 25/12/2023 13:32

@2jacqi they're in my living room right now!

Send them packing, I'm not even joking.

We cut MIL off because she was doing this sort of thing to me. She came to visit one afternoon and DH met her at the door, told her that she was no longer welcome to spend time with our family if she couldn't treat us like a family. He gave her the ultimatum of accept me and treat me like his wife/mother of his children or leave. She chose to leave and we haven't seen her for 13 years now, it's been the best 13 years of our marriage if I'm being honest because there's no MIL related drama or stress.

They've treated your DH appallingly and not for the first time. Why are you feeding them and making nice with them?

sprigatito · 25/12/2023 13:37

I would tell them to get out. They have deliberately hurt him at Christmas. No way back from that.

Killinginthenimya · 25/12/2023 13:37

They’d be put of my house.
I've had this shit put on me, not even acknowledging my existence. Never again.
it’s hurtful.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/12/2023 13:37

Actually, give your dh a cuddle and ask him what he wants you to do. Say you'll do whatever he wants. Then do that.

UngratefulOldCabbage · 25/12/2023 13:37

Your poor DH. Even if you decide to keep quiet for the sake of it today, absolutely make it known to them how foul they are first thing tomorrow. And he's cooking for them all? What awful people they are. Tell him he's got Mumsnet behind him!

Tilllly · 25/12/2023 13:37

Exactly what @Sunshinebuttercupsrainbows said - perfectly summed up

Go ahead with Cmas as planned. Then speak to them in a few days, calmly but firmly
That their behaviour is disgusting and hurtful for you too
And they either welcome him and include him, or you're done
You have to stick up for him

Honestly, my in laws got a gift for DS2's girlfriend who they haven't met...

Tell your DH from MN, he's a legend

Littlebitpsycho · 25/12/2023 13:37

Why are you not doing something about it?!

I'd be telling them to get out right now, how dare they treat him so badly and how dare you not stand up for him?

Unless there's a massive drip feed where he's been a total twat to you or them in the past, there's no excuse for you to allow them to continue.

Woman up and do something about it. If the roles were reversed right now your husband would rightly be having his arse handed to him!

Sugarsun · 25/12/2023 13:38

For the children’s sake, I would both plaster smiles on your faces and get through the day.

Then afterwards tell them how disgusted you are with their behaviour and they can forget about ever having Xmas day with you again.

I don’t know what would run through their minds to not even get a box of chocolates for him.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 25/12/2023 13:38

I’d be telling them to leave. Fuck feeding them.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/12/2023 13:38

If this was the other way round, and your dh did nothing, everyone on mn would say you have a dh problem.

mangochops · 25/12/2023 13:38

Tell them to leave. What is the point of sitting down to a "family meal" if this is how they behave? Your H has cooked the turkey so he'll probably get a barage of insults now about how crap it is anyway. Why are you allowing this?

Tessisme · 25/12/2023 13:38

I would send them home. I really would. Or pour the Christmas gravy over their heads and pelt them with sprouts. They are awful specimens of humanity. Stick up for your DH. He is being bullied, or at the very least ostracised. In his own home. Just no.

katseyes7 · 25/12/2023 13:39

This is dreadful. I'd be telling them to leave, now, and fuck them.
They can sort their own Christmas dinners out.
And go NC with them from now on. Your poor DH.
Sod 'personality clashes'. It's Christmas Day. Your husband is cooking dinner for them. They don't deserve it.

Doveytail · 25/12/2023 13:39

Thats appalling behaviour, and absolutely deliberate on their part!

I really feel for you OP, it depends how you want this to pan out. Only you will know that if you confront your family will they change their ways.

Personal experience has taught me people don’t change , if you’re happy to go NC ago for it, if not get Xmas out the way and have a stern talk with them after !

Ragruggers · 25/12/2023 13:39

In front of everyone say loudly did you leave DH present in the car or at home.Please go and get it now.DH has spent hours cooking.Say nothing more just look them in the eye and wait for an answer.Horrible people who is the person who buys the presents?Tell them you needto leave if there is no answer.

EndOfMyTether11 · 25/12/2023 13:39

Tell them they have to go now. Don't even let them have dinner.

AnnieSnap · 25/12/2023 13:39

You need to address this with them today. Your DH and you are upset. They shouldn’t be able to do this and just be happy guests!

Kannet111 · 25/12/2023 13:39

I would send them home with your gifts. That would hammer the point home

hazandduck · 25/12/2023 13:39

Tessisme · 25/12/2023 13:38

I would send them home. I really would. Or pour the Christmas gravy over their heads and pelt them with sprouts. They are awful specimens of humanity. Stick up for your DH. He is being bullied, or at the very least ostracised. In his own home. Just no.

I’d be sprout pelting too. What nasty people.