Things that can be said at Christmas or during sex.

[Mysterian]

I've hidden a sixpence inside it!

Why don't I dress as an elf and you can be Santa?

I knew I should have bought more batteries!

Whose stupid idea was it to put a bell on the end?

(Genuinely. Most years, early hours of the 25th, Paddington stocking made by Mum).

🤣 that's a cracker

Actually that works as well.

Today I found myself saying to my husband 'stop tormenting people with your giblets!'

I'm absolutely stuffed.

🤣🤣🤣
🎄🥂🥳

It's like a sausage wrapped in bacon 😂

It's completely different after you've had kids isn't it?

I hope there's enough to go round

We can always have seconds

I can only fit so many people in

That's not what I asked for....

Didn't you give me this last year?

It always comes so quickly!

Well that's how I've always done it and I've never had any complaints!

Hello vicar!

You could at least pretend to be enjoying yourself

I'm tired too but let's make an effort for the kids

Brilliant

You always have to try and show off.

It should have been done by now.

Never again! Next time I'm going to go out and pay some else to do it instead of me!!!

(Talking of cooking a huge lunch for guests)!

You always have to do it your way don't you!

That's a knobbly one!

Are you in or out?!

That was over in a flash

Only a couple of days and it's already starting to droop

That's not how Delia does it

Ah, that was nice. Back to normal now.