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Original poster

Would you leave your partner if they hit your child?

388 replies

Silentflights · 22/12/2023 18:52

Hello,

I don't feel ready to talk about it in real life, but this evening my partner slapped our son in the face. He is 5, he has been hyper today but its all of the excitement and change of routine- he's not been lashing out or anything else (not that it would make it acceptable anyway); I am horrified. I asked him to leave immediately and he's gone to his brothers but he will be back I'm sure. He's never even really raised his voice before (and I've been with him for 9 years), definitely never been violent. I don't think I'm being dramatic in not forgiving this though, he could have walked away if he was getting wound up. I don't trust him around DS anymore and I don't want DS to think this behaviour is acceptable.

I don't know if it's rash to leave because of this one incident, but I always promised myself that if any man was abusive towards our child I'd leave immediately and I want to. Its throwing away stability and an otherwise decent relationship- but anyone would do the same right? Or would you?

OP posts:
MonkeyPuddle · 22/12/2023 18:53

Yes. I’d also ring the police. I’m sorry this is happening to your family.

No child deserves abuse.

Frith2013 · 22/12/2023 18:54

Yes.

PotatoAloo · 22/12/2023 18:54

I would.

IncompleteSenten · 22/12/2023 18:54

Yes I would.

MeinKraft · 22/12/2023 18:54

Yes I would.

Sirzy · 22/12/2023 18:55

Of course. There is no justification for it at all

Original poster
Silentflights · 22/12/2023 18:55

Thanks, I know its the right thing to do and I genuinely want to leave. I'm going to pack a bag for me and DS and head to my brothers so have a bit of thinking space before figuring out the logistics. Thankfully DS is physically fine but I am horrified and heartbroken. The least I can do it protect him now.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 22/12/2023 18:55

Yes. I'd also report him to the police.

beastlyslumber · 22/12/2023 18:55

Yes. 100%.

He slapped your 5 year old around the face? That's awful.

Be careful how you deal with this with your son, though. You don't want him to feel it's his fault.

pastaandpesto · 22/12/2023 18:56

Yes, hitting a five year old child around the face absolutely unforgivable and there would be no possible way back from that.

(in comparison, a smack on the bottom would be completely unacceptable to me, but as a one off it could be attributed to their own childhood norms, and I could forgive as a one off assuming it was never, ever repeated).

Wisenotboring · 22/12/2023 18:56

Yes

Sintel · 22/12/2023 18:57

No I wouldn't if there were no other red flags. He's lots his rag. Plenty of mums on here have admitted to giving their kid a slap in a red mist moment and simply been told to move on. You need more help with your parenting strategies and to work together.

The cold truth is that it's perfectly legal to smack your kid if you so choose. There's no reason to think he wouldn't get 50:50 and you wouldn't be there to help facilitate the relationship. So no wouldn't leave.

Original poster
Silentflights · 22/12/2023 18:57

beastlyslumber · 22/12/2023 18:55

Yes. 100%.

He slapped your 5 year old around the face? That's awful.

Be careful how you deal with this with your son, though. You don't want him to feel it's his fault.

This is something I'm unsure of. He loves spending time at his uncles so a last minute sleepover is brilliant in his mind, but aware I can't leave it too long before he asks questions especially when it's clear dad has gone (or we have gone depending how the logistics go).

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 22/12/2023 18:57

As it was out of character I'd try to get to the bottom of it if it was my DH, who is the father of my child.

If my DH wasn't the father of my child I wouldn't stand for it though.

CactusPat · 22/12/2023 18:57

No different from slapping you round the face. Worse. It is a tiny child.

SumthingAndNuthing · 22/12/2023 18:58

Why are you saying he’ll be back? He’s assaulted a 5 year old child, his foot should never be over the doorstep again. Report the assault to 101.

DamsonDress · 22/12/2023 18:58

Yes. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

What a thing to do to a little boy.

He will want to minimise it. Don't have a bar of him. Stay strong and put you and your little boy first. You'll get through this.

ByTheTreeWithTheGoldenClock · 22/12/2023 18:58

A five year old excited about Christmas getting hit in the face? Yes I'd leave, but I'd be concerned about him having unsupervised contact.

Passthegin99 · 22/12/2023 18:58

What was your DH's reaction after he did it?

DamsonDress · 22/12/2023 18:59

Don't let him put a foot over the door again. There's nothing he can say to make this right.

Milliemoos5 · 22/12/2023 18:59

Dacadactyl · 22/12/2023 18:57

As it was out of character I'd try to get to the bottom of it if it was my DH, who is the father of my child.

If my DH wasn't the father of my child I wouldn't stand for it though.

Wtf?!theres Nothing to get to the bottom of… wow I’m shocked by your reply.

KnowThyself · 22/12/2023 19:00

You poor thing and your little boy, stay strong and keep away. I would also ring 101. Even if people are not prosecuted and it’s up to the CPS not the police it’s on their records and builds a picture.

Original poster
Silentflights · 22/12/2023 19:00

Sintel · 22/12/2023 18:57

No I wouldn't if there were no other red flags. He's lots his rag. Plenty of mums on here have admitted to giving their kid a slap in a red mist moment and simply been told to move on. You need more help with your parenting strategies and to work together.

The cold truth is that it's perfectly legal to smack your kid if you so choose. There's no reason to think he wouldn't get 50:50 and you wouldn't be there to help facilitate the relationship. So no wouldn't leave.

This did flash through my mind, that it was a one off but I just feel sick at it. I know that sounds dramatic and I'm far from a saint myself (I have raised my voice before but never ever been physical) but I'd been with DS all day, and he can't spend 2 minutes alone with him without losing his rag to the point of slapping him around the face? I did try and talk about it while DS was watching TV once I'd calmed him down etc but he didn't want to no; so I said just get out and I can't see him bothering to discuss. I doubt he'd want 50/50 as he doesn't pull his weight now, but if he did that'd be a bridge to cross but for me not a reason to stay.

OP posts:
Ostryga · 22/12/2023 19:02

Sintel · 22/12/2023 18:57

No I wouldn't if there were no other red flags. He's lots his rag. Plenty of mums on here have admitted to giving their kid a slap in a red mist moment and simply been told to move on. You need more help with your parenting strategies and to work together.

The cold truth is that it's perfectly legal to smack your kid if you so choose. There's no reason to think he wouldn't get 50:50 and you wouldn't be there to help facilitate the relationship. So no wouldn't leave.

Hitting a child round the face is abuse pure and simple, this is not smacking to reprimand. I hope to god you don’t have children because it is very obvious you wouldn’t be able to protect them.

EverybodyLTB · 22/12/2023 19:02

A police report will be helpful to you for things like getting him out of he refuses to leave, future custody issues etc. you need it documented. Your poor son I feel so sorry that this happened to him. Has he been abusive in other ways previously?