Would you leave your partner if they hit your child?

[Silentflights]

Hello,

I don't feel ready to talk about it in real life, but this evening my partner slapped our son in the face. He is 5, he has been hyper today but its all of the excitement and change of routine- he's not been lashing out or anything else (not that it would make it acceptable anyway); I am horrified. I asked him to leave immediately and he's gone to his brothers but he will be back I'm sure. He's never even really raised his voice before (and I've been with him for 9 years), definitely never been violent. I don't think I'm being dramatic in not forgiving this though, he could have walked away if he was getting wound up. I don't trust him around DS anymore and I don't want DS to think this behaviour is acceptable.

I don't know if it's rash to leave because of this one incident, but I always promised myself that if any man was abusive towards our child I'd leave immediately and I want to. Its throwing away stability and an otherwise decent relationship- but anyone would do the same right? Or would you?

@NonPlayerCharacter Isn't it better to give people encouragement to approach discipline in a different manner as opposed to the name calling and degradation that you have engaged in?

I've said pretty explicitly that the solution is to look at one's own behaviour and learn anger management and to avoid escalation with kids. Anyone who would prefer to ignore that and keep assaulting their kids while blaming someone on the Internet because they didn't like their tone isn't going to do the work on themselves anyway.

People who assault children and defend and excuse it, and decide I'm to blame for calling it shit parenting, aren't going to change.

@NonPlayerCharacter you don't know whether a person can change or not. It is completely possible to do so.

I'm not sure if you're referring to me but nowhere on this thread have I mentioned that I have done this to my children.

If they're going to change, they won't fail to do it because NonPlayerCharacter on Mumsnet said something they didn't like. They'll do it because what matters to them is becoming a better parent and they won't want to keep being a shit one just to stick it to me.

It's a discussion about child abuse and the defence and minimising of it. If what offends you is me calling it shit parenting, I suggest you refocus.

@NonPlayerCharacter What I find unpleasant is the way you are calling people and their parents on here 'abusers' and 'assaulters' but you are using emotional abuse yourself to get your point across. It's very unpleasant to read and like I said, there are plenty of other ways to make your point.

Anyway, moving on....OP what's the situation today? Have you gone back home?

People who hit their kids are indeed abusers and assaulters, and it's completely laughable to try to claim that it's abusive to call abuse abuse. You're also taking this very personally - you even suspect I was referring to you despite as you say, never having revealed whether or not you hit your kids (and being just one of a zillion posters. Has it occurred to you that I responded to you because you tagged me?). Why that is, I guess we shall never know, but as long as you're not hitting your kids, it doesn't matter.

If you hit your kids, you are a shit parent. It is abusive behaviour, common assault, and the damaging effect has been known for more than 20 years. If you hit your kids but think hearing this makes you the victim, you're beyond help and frankly an even shitter parent.

The problem is not that I use appropriate language to describe child assault. The problem is child assault. Apparently some people need to be told.

Well according to the ONS 39% of domestic abuse to children is fathers and 29% by mothers so whilst your statistically accurate, and whilst 10% higher is not negligible, it doesn’t exactly paint fathers as the devils and mothers as the saints you seem to be suggesting.

I didn’t suggest anything- I said that the men in a household are more dangerous to children than the women. Which they are.

Do you have a link to those statistics?

What sort of agenda must one have to quote a statistic showing that men are significantly more likely to be abusive and still try to paint it as "but the poor men, what about women, why are people so meeeeean?"

It's Christmas mate, give it a rest. For one day, prioritise child safety over abusive men on an Internet thread. It's what Jesus and Santa would want.

OP, I hope you and your DS have a lovely day today despite all this.
Has there been any more contact from H?

If you haven't already, please report it. If he told a teacher what happened it would be phoned through immediately, and those procedures are in place for a reason!

This is wrong the fact you saw him do it upstairs it may not be the first time .
A little 5 yr old doesn't deserve that at all I'd be livid.
I don't see why you should leave tell him to leave to give you some space .
I wouldn't trust him after this.

I found out recently that my ex had slapped our child 3 years ago, so they would have been about the same age. We weren't together. If i had known, id have stopped all contact. That said, he has reformed over the years, made a huge effort with them, and the children love him so I would say sometimes things get flared up in the heat of the moment. Ultimately he has to live with himself. Would I stay with a man who did this, no.