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Original poster

Would you leave your partner if they hit your child?

388 replies

Silentflights · 22/12/2023 18:52

Hello,

I don't feel ready to talk about it in real life, but this evening my partner slapped our son in the face. He is 5, he has been hyper today but its all of the excitement and change of routine- he's not been lashing out or anything else (not that it would make it acceptable anyway); I am horrified. I asked him to leave immediately and he's gone to his brothers but he will be back I'm sure. He's never even really raised his voice before (and I've been with him for 9 years), definitely never been violent. I don't think I'm being dramatic in not forgiving this though, he could have walked away if he was getting wound up. I don't trust him around DS anymore and I don't want DS to think this behaviour is acceptable.

I don't know if it's rash to leave because of this one incident, but I always promised myself that if any man was abusive towards our child I'd leave immediately and I want to. Its throwing away stability and an otherwise decent relationship- but anyone would do the same right? Or would you?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 22/12/2023 20:08

Silentflights · 22/12/2023 19:05

I think he was hoping I wouldn't know, but i was heading up to the toilet and heard what sounded like a slap and was horrified when I went in and saw DS- he said well he deserved it and walked downstairs as if nothing had happened. I prioritised making sure DS was okay and then once he was settled tried to talk about it but he didn't want to know.

Thanks for the messages, my DB is here playing with DS whilst I get a bag ready before we head over to his, so I best get the bag sorted but I'll read through later. It's useful to get different points of view as I'm still running on adrenaline I think.

Show quote history

He might have done it before then. How sickening he would do this to your DC.

Blueberry911 · 22/12/2023 20:08

ChihuahuaMummy · 22/12/2023 20:01

That's a bit unfair. There are all kinds of reasons why someone can't just up and leave a relationship immediately.

Show quote history

Did I say immediately? Look at all the people excusing abuse on this thread. I hope this isn't yourself included.

ChihuahuaMummy · 22/12/2023 20:08

@NeonSoda Same here so I'm not sure if anything happened to the teacher and it was totally wrong but I remember it clear as day.

ChihuahuaMummy · 22/12/2023 20:09

@Blueberry911 As I said in a previous post, my ex did things to my kids in front of me but it took time to leave due to the abuse.

Blueberry911 · 22/12/2023 20:09

MindatWork · 22/12/2023 20:05

Everyone joining this thread please read ops updates - I can only hope some of the posters minimising this or comparing it to themselves losing their tag with their own kids hasn’t done this because:

  • He showed no remorse
  • He said DS ‘deserved it’
  • OP has said he doesn’t really bother with DS so is unlikely to go for 50/50 custody
  • It happened when she was out of the room so has probably happened before.

This is NOT the same a generally good and loving parent losing their rag once, smacking on the bum or leg and being mortified and upset they’ve hurt their child, followed by putting measures in place to make sure it never happens again. This is a grown man slapping a 5 year old ROUND THE FACE and not giving a shit.

And there is no way on gods green earth that if a mum posted on here saying she’d slapped her 5yo DS round the face (and said they deserved it) she be given sympathy and support.

Well done for leaving OP, you’re doing the best for your DS.

Good post x

RedRobyn2021 · 22/12/2023 20:09

Tbh based on your original post, if there were no other red flags I wouldn't just leave. But read your subsequent posted I'm more shocked that he didn't regret it immediately and that would make me leave I think.

More than anything, trust your instinct. You know him and you know how you feel about what happened, if it feels like it's over then that's the right thing to do.

MindatWork · 22/12/2023 20:10

@Partypop Oh god really? I’ve never seen any of those, that really is a double standard 🥺

ssd · 22/12/2023 20:11

I'm sorry op. I'd be horrified and heartbroken too. I couldn't go near him after this.

sprigatito · 22/12/2023 20:11

I would report it if I were you. If you end up having to negotiate custody later on, or if it turns out he has done it before, you will want to have it on record. And if your child says something at school and a safeguarding referral is made, it looks a lot better for you that you acted and didn't brush it under the carpet.

Thinkbiglittleone · 22/12/2023 20:11

Also to add, this is not stability, this is abuse. This is not an otherwise ok relationship, you are in a relationship with a cowardly, vile, abusive, angry man. That is not an otherwise ok relationship - that sounds like you are weighing up if you are prepared to put up the abuse of your child for your "security" - the abuse will get worse.
You need to put your child first.

Blueberry911 · 22/12/2023 20:11

ChihuahuaMummy · 22/12/2023 20:09

@Blueberry911 As I said in a previous post, my ex did things to my kids in front of me but it took time to leave due to the abuse.

I am clearly talking about the people excusing it.

Mirrormeback · 22/12/2023 20:11

When I was at school some pupils still got the cane

I remember hearing a boy cry out in pain repeatedly when we were all sitting in the hall for something

It haunts me to this day sometimes

I was about 8

I'm now in my 50's

I often wonder, now we know more, if that boy also had a really shitty home life

StaunchMomma · 22/12/2023 20:11

At the end of the day, your opinion is that DS wasn't being incredibly ill behaved. Nothing a five year old could do would warrant a slap around the face, but from what you said it does sound like he was just being a five year old.

Herein lies your problem, OP - it's one thing leaving with your son, but if you separate DH is likely to go for joint custody, which means handing DS over without anyone around to witness another slap.

All of the calls to get onto the Police may sound OTT to some, but are you going to be happy to send DS to his Dad's for weekends on end? If not, you need backing for when you go in front of a judge.

stargirly · 22/12/2023 20:11

hi OP, so sorry you’re experiencing this as it must be really scary and stressful for you :( so glad you’re at your brothers now and your DS is safe, just know you’re absolutely doing the right thing and if you excused this the behaviour would likely escalate over time. i would also report to police as others have suggested, nothing may come of it now but good to have a paper trail. sending love to you and your DS!

ssd · 22/12/2023 20:12

A slap on the face is million times worse than a smack on the bum. Its the precursor to a punch.

Thinkbiglittleone · 22/12/2023 20:12

Sorry, I missed update.

caringcarer · 22/12/2023 20:12

Get him to A&E to be checked out and they will make a record of it.

WowOK · 22/12/2023 20:12

@Silentflights the lack of remorse would bother me.

Mirrormeback · 22/12/2023 20:14

I agree that as your DP is also your DS dad you need to report it

You don't necessarily have to press charges but file a report at least and give a statement

DeeLusional · 22/12/2023 20:14

Twice, out on your ear. Once.....????

Partypop · 22/12/2023 20:14

@MindatWork although I guess the fact they felt enough remorse to post about it here is a mitigating factor!

Lilithlogic · 22/12/2023 20:14

Even my mother who had no problem tanning my arse, always said never to hit a kid across the head or face. Get rid of the cunt!

Terrribletwos · 22/12/2023 20:14

I hope you got his reg and reported him?

MistletoeandJd · 22/12/2023 20:14

You are showing your child he is protected by you a hard move for some when it comes to family

Mirrormeback · 22/12/2023 20:14

DeeLusional · 22/12/2023 20:14

Twice, out on your ear. Once.....????

Yes once is enough