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Original poster

Fuming for a friend reaction to my baby

191 replies

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:15

So long story short
a friend A of few years came to visit by arranging of another friend B. I didn’t mention inviting A this time but B did. So I went along with it we have a new born and she was invited few times and she never got back to me but managed to come now.
Turned up empty-handed( which I wouldn’t care about it but she is the only one out of 50 guests to turn up like that) plus with the grumpiest face on her face, didn’t say congratulations at all
didn’t look at my baby, didn’t do any eye contact small talk with my baby, didn’t compliment nothing !!! Had food and a drink and left !!
I’m literally fuming and angry, I just have never seen anything like that. I have met many babies in my life and I have grown up in a family where you are happy about other people babies and you want to hold them and just congratulate to parents really …. I’m like what had actually just happened …

OP posts:
Tiredbehyondbelief · 22/12/2023 07:17

If she us childless she might be holding on to some internal trauma. Not sure why she came though

littlebirdieblu · 22/12/2023 07:18

Maybe you should edit as your post doesn't make a lot of sense

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/12/2023 07:20

It's alright - Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh will be on special offer in a couple of weeks. I'm sure she'll remember her duties to your child by then.

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Families
husbandcallsmepickle · 22/12/2023 07:20

I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't get it

Original poster
Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:21

What is it that doesn’t make sense ?

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 22/12/2023 07:22

So out of the 50 people who turned up with presents you are fuming about one person who didn’t have a present?

Original poster
Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:23

It’s not even about the presents
how would you feel if someone comes to your house and doesn’t congratulate on your new born baby ? Avoids eye contact when you are holding the baby the whole evening

OP posts:
BingoMarieHeeler · 22/12/2023 07:25

Title should read ‘Fuming for reaction to my baby’ - doesn’t sound like a friend!

I’d probably have gone ‘have you noticed the baby here? We’re both doing ok thanks!’ or whatever. Imagine ignoring human in the room!

JanglingJack · 22/12/2023 07:25

It's not ideal grammatically but if you can't get the jist then...
It makes good enough sense.

Does your friend have children? Is it possible she may suffered a loss? Maybe she's not that in to babies.

QueSyrahSyrah · 22/12/2023 07:25

Christ I've lived 40 years without realising it's obligatory to fawn over a newborn and present offerings like one the 3 wise Men.

Good thing I found out while I'm pregnant so I know to be fuming if anyone neglects their duty.

Seriously OP, of course it would have been nice if they'd said 'cute baby' at some point during the visit, but that's where the expectation needs to end. Cooing and asking to cuddle and bringing gifts are not necessary.

If she avoided eye contact deliberately like that it sounds like there's a deeper reason behind it anyway, and was maybe only there to be polite.

fourelementary · 22/12/2023 07:26

Were you having a party for the baby? Why was there food and drink? What was the A or B invited to and by whom?

Yabu to be honest. Some people are socially awkward… and why would they do eye contact or small talk with your baby??? Your post is very badly written…

NoraLuka · 22/12/2023 07:26

Maybe she’s just not really into babies, if it’s a newborn it won’t be doing much anyway. Or maybe she’s had a miscarriage or can’t get pregnant or something that makes it difficult to be around babies. Or maybe she’s got something else going on that’s upsetting her.

Is she nice usually ?

redfacebigdisgrace · 22/12/2023 07:27

I’d be wondering if they were OK.

Original poster
Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:28

As I said
I wouldn’t care but it’s the weirdest thing to be grumpy about a new baby
it’s just too much of a coincidence

oh and I got her Christmas present ready all wrapped up
which she took with her when she left and didn’t say thank you

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 22/12/2023 07:28

So friend B invited friend A to your house?

Usually when you visit someone with a newborn it is to welcome the baby, so the lack of engagement is a little odd.

Edited because I cross posted. Not thanking you for a present is rude. Could you ask friend B if friend A is OK?

MySecret21 · 22/12/2023 07:30

I’m confused….

What was the event?

Why didn’t you invite A to your event?

Why did B think it was ok to invite A to your event?

You can’t be that good a friend with A anyway if you had an event for 50 people and you hadn’t actually invited her in the first place?

Hiddenvoice · 22/12/2023 07:30

I think it really depends on this friends situation. We don’t know if there’s any past trauma or if she’s desperate for her own child which might make meeting your child quite difficult.

I’d be thankful you have friends and family in your life that want to be around your baby and I’d just move past this. I had a lot of friends drop gifts off when I had a baby but quickly disappeared when I had pnd.
I’d much rather have a supporting friend than another little rattle toy. Now when I visit friends who’ve just had babies I take something for the parents.

Psychoticbreak · 22/12/2023 07:31

I have kids and I dont like holding other peoples babies. I probably would have brought a gift and congratulated you (if I turned up at all) but I rarely make eye contact anyway with people (asd) so no I dont think she was rude at all.

mafsfan · 22/12/2023 07:31

So just don't be friends any more? You're not obliged. I can't imagine this is the first time you've been annoyed with her.

WonderingWanda · 22/12/2023 07:31

Did it occur to you that she was struggling with something like infertility or perhaps has had a miscarriage or some other traumatic event, maybe she had a teen pregnancy and had an abortion. Whatever it was she came to see you but wasn't able to acknowledge the baby. You should be feeling concern for her and appreciative that she came and visited despite it being obviously very difficult for her.

Congrats on the baby but do remember that not everyone will be bowled over by it, you are not the first person to have given birth.

Original poster
Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:31

Sorry guys I’m Italian English is not my first language so if you are native no wonder why you don’t get it

OP posts:
adnabaam · 22/12/2023 07:33

I would expect she is struggling with something like infertility and feel bad for her rather than angry at not getting a gift.

moderationincludingmoderation · 22/12/2023 07:34

Sounds most likely that she has some trauma/sadness around babies like losses &/or infertility.

Has she?

AnneValentine · 22/12/2023 07:34

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:23

It’s not even about the presents
how would you feel if someone comes to your house and doesn’t congratulate on your new born baby ? Avoids eye contact when you are holding the baby the whole evening

I would feel sad for them and wonder why it was so hard for them.

also. It’s a baby. Most people really don’t care.

GrazingSheep · 22/12/2023 07:36

oh and I got her Christmas present ready all wrapped up
which she took with her when she left and didn’t say thank you

Why did you get her a Christmas present?