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Original poster

Fuming for a friend reaction to my baby

191 replies

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:15

So long story short
a friend A of few years came to visit by arranging of another friend B. I didn’t mention inviting A this time but B did. So I went along with it we have a new born and she was invited few times and she never got back to me but managed to come now.
Turned up empty-handed( which I wouldn’t care about it but she is the only one out of 50 guests to turn up like that) plus with the grumpiest face on her face, didn’t say congratulations at all
didn’t look at my baby, didn’t do any eye contact small talk with my baby, didn’t compliment nothing !!! Had food and a drink and left !!
I’m literally fuming and angry, I just have never seen anything like that. I have met many babies in my life and I have grown up in a family where you are happy about other people babies and you want to hold them and just congratulate to parents really …. I’m like what had actually just happened …

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 08:24

This is what I believe and that’s why I found it very weird … I would feel the same if someone did this to someone else child or dog or grandparent but when it’s in your house and your baby(family) yes it does make you fuming even more :)

OP posts:
ActDottie · 22/12/2023 08:25

I couldn’t get worked up about this. She may not have come across many babies and may not know how to react to them. It seems a silly thing to get so worked up about.

Newuser75 · 22/12/2023 08:25

lemontree27 · 22/12/2023 08:20

@PaperDoIIs

Acknowledging there's a baby in the room is not revolving your life around that baby. It's basic manners . Basic manners should be expected in a friendship. You don't go to someone's house and completely ignore one member of their family ,whether they are 8 days old or 80, do you?

Best comment. I agree 100%

I agree.

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Families
burnoutbabe · 22/12/2023 08:29

I mean it's rude. I like dogs less than babies but if a friend got a new dog and I met it I'd show sone interest in How it was settling in and eating before moving into other topics

Isn't that just what polite people do? Take a vague interest in the shiny new thing in other people's lives?

RicherThanYews · 22/12/2023 08:29

You do not deserve the vitriol that you are getting on here Op. Your friend has not behaved like a friend and was beyond rude, that much is obvious. You could speak with her and see if she is alright but tbh I wouldn't expend anymore energy on that friendship.

ItsMyPartyParty · 22/12/2023 08:31

It does sound weird and rude. Did she not want to come but got dragged along by B? Ive turned down invites to parties when I could not be social - eg a baby shower when I’d just had a miscarriage - and clearly that’s what she should have done.

But honestly, I think the best thing to do in these situations is assume there’s something bigger going on that’s nothing to do with you, and just move past it. If there’s another incident, then maybe rethink the friendship. But everyone behaves badly sometimes and giving a little grace is generally an easier way to move through life.

moderationincludingmoderation · 22/12/2023 08:32

OP, you still haven't clarified if you know if rude friend is struggling in any way.

I would imagine in you know her well enough to give her an xmas present, invited her to meet the baby several times, the. you must have an idea on how she is getting on mentally, and in life?

DingDongMerrilyWithPie · 22/12/2023 08:34

RicherThanYews · 22/12/2023 08:29

You do not deserve the vitriol that you are getting on here Op. Your friend has not behaved like a friend and was beyond rude, that much is obvious. You could speak with her and see if she is alright but tbh I wouldn't expend anymore energy on that friendship.

Absolutely this. Sorry you've got such a reaction here too OP. Congratulations on your lovely newborn.

Original poster
Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 08:36

Im
sorry you are going though trauma yourself I hope you get help for it and get healed.

I lost my dog and my granny it doesn’t mean I won’t play with my friends dogs or I won’t acknowledge them in the room or even be happy for them getting a new dog
the same goes for people who have their grannies and I don’t!
couldn’t you be happier for them ?

and as I mentioned I was bleeding and losing my baby while I was holding the new born of a family member and congratulated them and I was just simply happy for them but obviously I was grieving my own baby it’s was so traumatic

OP posts:
AintTooGoodAtPraying · 22/12/2023 08:36

plus with the grumpiest face on her face, didn’t say congratulations at all
didn’t look at my baby, didn’t do any eye contact small talk with my baby, didn’t compliment nothing !!! Had food and a drink and left !!

Posters trying to justify this behaviour. 🤣🤣🤣

You have just had a baby, of course it’s rude and weird to not acknowledge that and the baby in the room if you’re visiting. If she found it difficult for some reason, she shouldn’t have visited.

RampantIvy · 22/12/2023 08:38

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 07:43

It was rude. If you go to someone's house who just had a new baby, you don't completely ignore them the whole time you're there. That's just basic manners, so I don't know why people are being so snarky.

I agree. The mumsnet pile on is uncalled for. Some posters sound very bitter. I don't buy that the rude guest might have fertility issues. If that was the case she probably wouldn't have visited. she just doesn't have any social skills.

Congratulations @Sadtiming and ignore the nasty posts Flowers

BreatheAndFocus · 22/12/2023 08:39

Your friend is rude. It sounds like she was persuaded to come by your other friend and really had no interest in the baby. She was taking her grumpiness out on you and the baby. She then took her present from you and didn’t say thank you, not even grumpily.

To me, it sounds like she’s not much of a friend and/or the two of them have got something else going on (the comment about inspiration) and we’re just using the visit for their own purposes.

Ignore the bonkers replies! Rudeness is rudeness. Your friend sounds sulky and self-centred.

Thingamebobwotsit · 22/12/2023 08:40

Honestly, just let it go. Not everyone likes babies. Not everyone has a happy experience of trying to conceive, being a parent or having been effectively parented themselves. I have friends who can't face babies but love my older DCs. I have friends who can only bond and coo over their own baby but struggle to connect in other circumstances. And some people don't even like their own babies.

Yes maybe it wasn't the reaction you were hoping for, but there are much worse things in the world to worry about. Not everyone is the same and that is fine.

moderationincludingmoderation · 22/12/2023 08:42

It's entirely possible, and most likely rude guest is just rude/or has a problem with OP.

But just saying that sometimes people struggle around new borns because of traumas, so maybe worth taking into consideration if you know they have had issues.
Agree though, that one would hope that even in that case, if they mustered the courage to come and meet the baby, they could muster a 'congratulations' at least.

So most likely just rude &/ OP has quite high expectations...

Hibernatalie · 22/12/2023 08:43

It sounds like she is probably struggling with something. Maybe she wants a child but can't for some reason, maybe she had a loss she is in pain over, maybe something else. I think you need to stop fuming and start to look at it with compassion.

MySecret21 · 22/12/2023 08:44

RicherThanYews · 22/12/2023 08:29

You do not deserve the vitriol that you are getting on here Op. Your friend has not behaved like a friend and was beyond rude, that much is obvious. You could speak with her and see if she is alright but tbh I wouldn't expend anymore energy on that friendship.

OP didn’t even invite this “friend” to meet the baby. OP wasn’t bothered whether she saw person A anyway, and wasn't bothered about person A seeing the new baby.

I can’t imagine they have a friendship anyway if OP hadn’t even extended an invite in the first place.

She was probably being rude because you hadn’t even invited her.

a222 · 22/12/2023 08:46

you’ve got a bit of a crappy attitude, especially in your replies.

your friend could be struggling to conceive / had a miscarriage. you don’t know what’s going on in her life, she probably didn’t want to be there but friend B invited her and she felt she had to come, plus it sounds at the start of the post that you didn’t want her there either and she could’ve picked up on that.

NoCloudsAllowed · 22/12/2023 08:47

She was a bit rude but I'd guess she has her own shit going on and it wasn't about you.

RampantIvy · 22/12/2023 08:48

Not everyone likes babies

So, why visit someone who has just had a baby then? Especialy when the purpose of the visit is to meet the new baby.

ChateauDuMont · 22/12/2023 08:48

'I’m literally fuming and angry,'

What a weird over the top reaction.

One of he most bizarre posts on here in awhile.

No one has to bring you or your baby a gift.

AnneValentine · 22/12/2023 08:50

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:53

You are so judgmental and rude when you don’t know the whole story.. coming to your own conclusions I hope you are not like this to your family and friends when they come for a help to you….

I am actually one of those people who was bleeding and had a miscarriage when other family members had babies and you know what?
I turned up with my biggest smile in their house i congratulated them in person and on a text
your post just tells more about you and who you are maybe you need a reality check to just be happy for other people when they are happy and acknowledge the human beings in the house
it’s the first thing they teach children in nursery to greet people

I’m sorry for you but just because you handled it that way doesn’t mean others did. Perhaps she’s hit 7. Perhaps she’s been told she can’t have kids. Or perhaps she doesn’t like babies. Perhaps you are boring about it.

You’re being very selfish. People are telling you this. Clearly.

Takacupokindnessyet · 22/12/2023 08:50

I think you have to consider if this is normal behaviour for her and how good a friends she is. If you aren't close and she is normally rude and selfish, ditch the friendship but if she is normally kind and caring and a good friend, give her the benefit of the doubt that there was something else going on

AnneValentine · 22/12/2023 08:51

RampantIvy · 22/12/2023 08:48

Not everyone likes babies

So, why visit someone who has just had a baby then? Especialy when the purpose of the visit is to meet the new baby.

Because you can still like the woman?! I like my friends. Doesn’t mean I have to be interested in their babies.

Crishell · 22/12/2023 08:51

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/12/2023 07:20

It's alright - Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh will be on special offer in a couple of weeks. I'm sure she'll remember her duties to your child by then.

🤣🤣🤣

AlohaRose · 22/12/2023 08:51

I have no idea how, with a new-born baby and 50 guests in your home, you had so much time to note what this one person was doing. It sounds like she didn't want to be there for whatever reason, yes she was rude but I can't imagine being SO worked up over it that I would bother posting a thread on here about it and then continuing to stew about it after. Wouldn't it make more sense to ask your other friend who actually know her what is going on? Then decide if you wish to continue the friendship or not.