Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Fuming for a friend reaction to my baby

191 replies

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:15

So long story short
a friend A of few years came to visit by arranging of another friend B. I didn’t mention inviting A this time but B did. So I went along with it we have a new born and she was invited few times and she never got back to me but managed to come now.
Turned up empty-handed( which I wouldn’t care about it but she is the only one out of 50 guests to turn up like that) plus with the grumpiest face on her face, didn’t say congratulations at all
didn’t look at my baby, didn’t do any eye contact small talk with my baby, didn’t compliment nothing !!! Had food and a drink and left !!
I’m literally fuming and angry, I just have never seen anything like that. I have met many babies in my life and I have grown up in a family where you are happy about other people babies and you want to hold them and just congratulate to parents really …. I’m like what had actually just happened …

OP posts:

howdoyoudotoo · 22/12/2023 07:36

No idea about this friend A and B thing but oh my God OP get a grip, you want someone to come to your house and shower you with praise for having a baby and bring you gifts?

How hard was it for you to have this baby? Did you go through years of infertility and miscarriages, if so how painful was that? How horrible was it to be faced with babies being produced by everyone around you without any effort, when you couldn't have one. That's just one reason why this person may not have been wanting to lay down the red carpet for you.

Seriously you sound completely unhinged. I always wondered why people can't just be happy they have a baby, why they need the attention of the whole world to care too. It's just really self absorbed to think everyone around you should care so much about you having offspring.

Original poster

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:38

That’s harsh …

OP posts:

RaininSummer · 22/12/2023 07:41

I don't know know why the grumpy would go if it may be traumatic for her. She was rude. It's not about presents. I'm not into other people's babies but will make the right noises as pleased for them. OP doesn't seem unhinged to me. It must have been very noticeable at the time if this friend was so disengaged.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

howdoyoudotoo · 22/12/2023 07:42

@Sadtiming maybe you need a bit of a harsh reality check, you have put yourself on a pedestal as being incredibly important and in need of everyone bringing you presents and telling you how amazing it is that you reproduced (and 49 out of 50 people apparently did).

Almost everyone has pointed out that this friend may be going through trauma, but you don't care so you? Do you want to swap positions with someone like that? How would you like it if your baby didn't exist suddenly and you were going through pain and trauma trying to have a child and couldn't, would you be really excited about other people's babies?

Seriously do you want to swap lives with someone like this, if not, then have some compassion and stop being so self absorbed.

AffableApple · 22/12/2023 07:43

MySecret21 · 22/12/2023 07:30

I’m confused….

What was the event?

Why didn’t you invite A to your event?

Why did B think it was ok to invite A to your event?

You can’t be that good a friend with A anyway if you had an event for 50 people and you hadn’t actually invited her in the first place?

Edited

This. I'm so confused.

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 07:43

It was rude. If you go to someone's house who just had a new baby, you don't completely ignore them the whole time you're there. That's just basic manners, so I don't know why people are being so snarky.

howdoyoudotoo · 22/12/2023 07:44

@AffableApple I think they are saying they didn't bother inviting A and B suggested bringing them along. And now OP is unhappy that someone they didn't care about inviting in the first place didn't shower them with attention, praise and gifts.

SylvieLaufeydottir · 22/12/2023 07:45

Look on the bright side, OP, you'll have something to share next time there's a PFB thread.

"Didn't make small talk with the baby" is going to be a cracker.

MetalFences · 22/12/2023 07:45

You are literally fuming because a friend brought another friend to your house.

And that other friend, who you had invited over previously but did not come, did not bring you a present and she wouldn't look at you and she didn't compliment or hold your baby.

I would definitely think something had happened in her life. Maybe, just maybe, it's nothing to do with you and your baby. Maybe she's got something else going on.

But it I had a friend, who I cared about enough to buy a Christmas present for, and she behaved completely out of character I'd be concerned about her. I would not be 'literally fuming'.

I think it's really weird that you seem to think that this woman's life must so completely revolve around you that she can only be reacting to the fact that you have had a baby.

Womencanlift · 22/12/2023 07:46

Nobody owes you just because you have chosen to have a baby. To be expecting everyone to go mad over your child is ridiculous

It is unclear from your OP if you invited A or she turned up with B but regardless you have no idea what is going on with her, particularly around children and fertility

You need to get over the fact that not everyone will care about your child and you have a tough road ahead of you get offended by that

moderationincludingmoderation · 22/12/2023 07:46

If 'rude' friend was struggling then that might be why she came across as rude and grumpy. She may have been fending off tears and lots of emotions and just wanted to get out of there!

OP, again, do you know what her status is on fertility/babies etc?

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 07:46

howdoyoudotoo · 22/12/2023 07:44

OP also said she invited friend A a few times before but it wasn't accepted. Probably why she didn't necessarily bother this time.

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 22/12/2023 07:50

I do sometimes forget how much spare time I had to sit around and fester on shite like this when I had just 1 child and a butt load of maternity leave.

Forget about it. It’s not about you. And congratulations!

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 07:50

Womencanlift · 22/12/2023 07:46

Nobody owes you just because you have chosen to have a baby. To be expecting everyone to go mad over your child is ridiculous

It is unclear from your OP if you invited A or she turned up with B but regardless you have no idea what is going on with her, particularly around children and fertility

You need to get over the fact that not everyone will care about your child and you have a tough road ahead of you get offended by that

So how far can we take that? Would it be ok to completely ignore OP's husband because the friend is going through an awful divorce or bereavement? Would it be ok to ignore older children because of infertility?

No one needs to do a big song and dance because a baby was born, but at least acknowledging there is a baby is not exactly that high an expectation.

TravelInHope · 22/12/2023 07:51

She doesn’t like babies? Just guessing here.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 22/12/2023 07:51

moderationincludingmoderation · 22/12/2023 07:46

If 'rude' friend was struggling then that might be why she came across as rude and grumpy. She may have been fending off tears and lots of emotions and just wanted to get out of there!

OP, again, do you know what her status is on fertility/babies etc?

But why do we have to cut A so much slack for her terrible social skills whilst the OP is roundly condemned for doing nothing wrong - as far as we know, apart from complaining about A afterwards anonymously?

It always annoys me that some people are expected to be adult and mature whilst others are allowed to behave terribly with no repercussions.

OP - A was rude but it’s done now. I wouldn’t make any effort or invite her around again.

Bananawotsit · 22/12/2023 07:51

I think everyone is being a little harsh OP. If you didn’t invite her though why did you have a gift for her?
it is rude not to say anything to you during the visit or to say thank you but I suspect it was trauma and anxiety. If she is a friend can you be a bit more understanding?
i have probably been “rude” to people in the past becasue I’ve just not known what to do, have overthought it and then sort of frozen.
maybe she didn’t want to go and friend B dragged her along.
maybe she felt embarrassed for not being you a gift but friend B didn’t tell her h til the last minute and she didn’t know what to say.

I suppose what is friend A normally like? If you don’t like them you don’t need to keep them as a friend.

surely she has other qualities?

congrats on the baby!

Original poster

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:53

You are so judgmental and rude when you don’t know the whole story.. coming to your own conclusions I hope you are not like this to your family and friends when they come for a help to you….

I am actually one of those people who was bleeding and had a miscarriage when other family members had babies and you know what?
I turned up with my biggest smile in their house i congratulated them in person and on a text
your post just tells more about you and who you are maybe you need a reality check to just be happy for other people when they are happy and acknowledge the human beings in the house
it’s the first thing they teach children in nursery to greet people

OP posts:

witmum · 22/12/2023 07:53

I had a fiend like this, he could not even look at our son for the first year.

We liked him as our friend not my sons.

Now that he is older and more interesting my friend is amazing with him.

ConnieCroydon · 22/12/2023 07:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

howdoyoudotoo · 22/12/2023 07:57

@Sadtiming by your post you mean every post on this page that points out that you should have compassion for the trauma of others? When everyone is telling you the world doesn't revolve around your baby and you think everyone else is wrong... the problem is you.

The difference between you and this other person is you have a baby, so I take it you would be just as happy to give up the baby and live a childless life not by choice. Yeah?... didn't think so.

Original poster

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:59

well you made me laugh haha
enjoy your maternity leave

OP posts:

Swishyfishy · 22/12/2023 08:00

if this wasn’t usual then I’d suspect she had had a hard week and wasn’t feeling herself. I’d probably ask her how she is

Holidayhell22 · 22/12/2023 08:00

I had many visitors come after I had a baby. Not all of them brought gifts.
Prepare yourself for people turning up empty handed to lots of events, it’s life.
It does seem odd not to congratulate someone, in their own home, on having a baby though. My first thought was that they are suffering in sone way.

Roselilly36 · 22/12/2023 08:01

Many congratulations on your baby OP it does seem strange behaviour when visiting a new mum, I can only assume your friend has an issue of some kind surrounding babies/kids etc.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8