Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Fuming for a friend reaction to my baby

191 replies

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:15

So long story short
a friend A of few years came to visit by arranging of another friend B. I didn’t mention inviting A this time but B did. So I went along with it we have a new born and she was invited few times and she never got back to me but managed to come now.
Turned up empty-handed( which I wouldn’t care about it but she is the only one out of 50 guests to turn up like that) plus with the grumpiest face on her face, didn’t say congratulations at all
didn’t look at my baby, didn’t do any eye contact small talk with my baby, didn’t compliment nothing !!! Had food and a drink and left !!
I’m literally fuming and angry, I just have never seen anything like that. I have met many babies in my life and I have grown up in a family where you are happy about other people babies and you want to hold them and just congratulate to parents really …. I’m like what had actually just happened …

OP posts:
amylou8 · 22/12/2023 08:51

Maybe she can't stand babies. Maybe she's infertile or having fertility problems and it upset her. Maybe she was just having a bad day.

adnabaam · 22/12/2023 08:52

Congratulations on being able to cope with having a miscarriage and holding a baby at the same time, many can't. You seem very self absorbed OP, not everything is about you.

Soontobe60 · 22/12/2023 08:53

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:53

You are so judgmental and rude when you don’t know the whole story.. coming to your own conclusions I hope you are not like this to your family and friends when they come for a help to you….

I am actually one of those people who was bleeding and had a miscarriage when other family members had babies and you know what?
I turned up with my biggest smile in their house i congratulated them in person and on a text
your post just tells more about you and who you are maybe you need a reality check to just be happy for other people when they are happy and acknowledge the human beings in the house
it’s the first thing they teach children in nursery to greet people

No they don’t. They teach children to not just accept strangers!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
N0KIA · 22/12/2023 08:54

I agree its rude of her not to say congratulations or speak to you about the baby. But personally I would not want to hold your baby or talk to it. I dont find babies very interesting until they're coherant so i dont judge her on not interacting with the child. However I would have a million questions about how you are settling into motherhood and doing, especially if I was in your home. And I would bring a gift.

howdoyoudotoo · 22/12/2023 08:56

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:59

well you made me laugh haha
enjoy your maternity leave

You come across a cruel spiteful human being, I can't have children so why tell me "haha enjoy your maternity leave"?

You've said haha numerous times when people have discussed pain and trauma?

Do you behave like this with those around you going through loss all the time? Do you say to someone whose dad has just died "haha enjoy Father's Day"?

howdoyoudotoo · 22/12/2023 08:57

adnabaam · 22/12/2023 08:52

Congratulations on being able to cope with having a miscarriage and holding a baby at the same time, many can't. You seem very self absorbed OP, not everything is about you.

This ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Daisies12 · 22/12/2023 08:58

Your post is a mess. But you are being massively attention seeking and precious. No one has to be interested in your baby apart from its parents. Get over yourself

thelonemommabear · 22/12/2023 09:01

I think you are getting a lot of criticism as people have focused on the bits of your post about no gift etc. but the rest of your post I actually agree with OP - it's rude not to acknowledge you or have basic manners. Trauma - which we are all speculating here that she has - isn't an excuse for poor manners and being rude. I've been that person with "trauma" years of multiple losses and treatment. But I always greeted friends with babies with manners - my infertility issues were not theirs or their child's fault x

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 09:03

@AnneValentine do you completely ignore the fact that there's a baby in the room and refuse to acknowledge it?

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 09:04

Daisies12 · 22/12/2023 08:58

Your post is a mess. But you are being massively attention seeking and precious. No one has to be interested in your baby apart from its parents. Get over yourself

So I can come to your house and completely ignore your new husband because I don't have any interest in men?

MorningSunshineSparkles · 22/12/2023 09:05

Your baby is lovely and interesting to you and your family but a lot of people don’t give a crap about babies. I don’t understand why you’re fuming.

boscabosco · 22/12/2023 09:05

howdoyoudotoo · 22/12/2023 07:42

@Sadtiming maybe you need a bit of a harsh reality check, you have put yourself on a pedestal as being incredibly important and in need of everyone bringing you presents and telling you how amazing it is that you reproduced (and 49 out of 50 people apparently did).

Almost everyone has pointed out that this friend may be going through trauma, but you don't care so you? Do you want to swap positions with someone like that? How would you like it if your baby didn't exist suddenly and you were going through pain and trauma trying to have a child and couldn't, would you be really excited about other people's babies?

Seriously do you want to swap lives with someone like this, if not, then have some compassion and stop being so self absorbed.

seriously the friend should have just stayed away if this was the scenario which you are making a huge assumption about. Your over the top angry responses suggest a huge amount of projection. The self absorption is yours alone.

Draconis · 22/12/2023 09:06

Your friend sounds really rude and lacking in basic manners.
She also sounds like she's not much of a friend really if she couldn't even acknowledge your baby or congratulate you.

Original poster
Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 09:07

She is not a stranger nor am I nor my baby what are you talking about 😂

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 09:07

@MySecret21 OP had invited the friend previous times,the friend didn't come. This time she didn't,but another friend suggested it and OP went along with it.

burnoutbabe · 22/12/2023 09:08

MorningSunshineSparkles · 22/12/2023 09:05

Your baby is lovely and interesting to you and your family but a lot of people don’t give a crap about babies. I don’t understand why you’re fuming.

But surely you are of interest to your friend?

Ie I'd ask a new mum how she is getting on and is baby/her sleeping okay or whatever seems appropriate.

If you have no interest in how your friend is coping with this new thing in their life (be it a baby or new house or job) then you really aren't friends.

Original poster
Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 09:09

I feel you ♥️

OP posts:
LadyChilli · 22/12/2023 09:09

BoredofBlonde · 22/12/2023 08:14

Why are people making excuses for her behaviour? She came to the house of a newborn, made no effort with the new mum, didn't acknowledge the baby and left.
Very ignorant.

So what if she's got infertility issues, it doesn't make someone ignorant. Stay home if you don't want to be around newborns. Don't bring your sadness into someone else's home and expect sympathy.

It's really, really difficult to balance trying to maintain a normal life and celebrate the babies of friends whilst privately dealing with the relentless grief of infertility. Perhaps she wanted to try and then found herself unable to force a happy act.

Of course we're speculating and she may just be rude, but if she's a close enough friend to be receiving a Christmas gift from OP, presumably she's not usually awful.

Sorry you felt slighted OP. Her behaviour was a bit weird but I very much doubt it was personal. Enjoy your precious new baby and don't waste a second worrying about the behaviour of anyone else.

educatingrati · 22/12/2023 09:13

Are friend A and friend B in a relationship? Because it's clear Grumpy didn't want to be there, so it sounds as if she was dragged along, and continued to be grumpsalot.
Not saying thank you for a gift is very rude.
Does grumpsalot have general difficulty with social situations or is this sullenness new?
Possibly she's just not into babies, and felt awkward. Possibly she was feeling like shite and wanted to be at home, endless possibilities really, just forget about it, don't let it ruin your own joy with your baby.

RampantIvy · 22/12/2023 09:15

AnneValentine · 22/12/2023 08:51

Because you can still like the woman?! I like my friends. Doesn’t mean I have to be interested in their babies.

Show quote history

There is no need to be rude though.

MySecret21 · 22/12/2023 09:15

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 09:07

@MySecret21 OP had invited the friend previous times,the friend didn't come. This time she didn't,but another friend suggested it and OP went along with it.

Then it’s probably safe to assume that:

  1. Person A doesn’t like OP.
  2. OP doesn’t seem to like person A.
  3. Person A and the OP shouldn’t have gone along with Person B’s idea.

There is clearly no love lost, or a friendship of any worth between Person A or the OP, so it’s no surprise that Person A wasn’t in the mood for forced pleasantries.

My conclusion is that Person A was rude and shouldn’t have gone in the first place.

OP is right to be miffed but I’m not sure why she’s so shocked and outraged when there is clearly an underlying issue with the ‘friendship’.

Don’t dwell on it OP but put your foot down next time and don’t be led by other people (Person B).

LittleGreenDragons · 22/12/2023 09:15

just forget about the presents they don’t really matter I’m talking about coming to someone house and ignoring a new human being all night and the only thing you care is where is my furniture from

She came to see you. Not the baby, not your husband, not the dog/cat. You. But that's not good enough? That makes you the crappy friend, not her.

HMW1906 · 22/12/2023 09:17

Maybe she’s struggling with fertility issues and was struggling being around a newborn. I think you’re being unreasonable for being ‘fuming’ about this. Get a grip.

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 09:19

LittleGreenDragons · 22/12/2023 09:15

just forget about the presents they don’t really matter I’m talking about coming to someone house and ignoring a new human being all night and the only thing you care is where is my furniture from

She came to see you. Not the baby, not your husband, not the dog/cat. You. But that's not good enough? That makes you the crappy friend, not her.

So when friends come to see you they don't acknowledge anyone else in your house or family? They don't ask about your partner or kids?

PersephonePomegranate23 · 22/12/2023 09:19

Wow, fuming AND angry.

Swipe left for the next trending thread