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Original poster

Fuming for a friend reaction to my baby

191 replies

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:15

So long story short
a friend A of few years came to visit by arranging of another friend B. I didn’t mention inviting A this time but B did. So I went along with it we have a new born and she was invited few times and she never got back to me but managed to come now.
Turned up empty-handed( which I wouldn’t care about it but she is the only one out of 50 guests to turn up like that) plus with the grumpiest face on her face, didn’t say congratulations at all
didn’t look at my baby, didn’t do any eye contact small talk with my baby, didn’t compliment nothing !!! Had food and a drink and left !!
I’m literally fuming and angry, I just have never seen anything like that. I have met many babies in my life and I have grown up in a family where you are happy about other people babies and you want to hold them and just congratulate to parents really …. I’m like what had actually just happened …

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 09:21

@MySecret21 I completely agree with everything you say. What really bothers me is that OP has had a lot of anger and name calling thrown at her , like she was asking for the moon rather than just basic manners.

RampantIvy · 22/12/2023 09:21

HMW1906 · 22/12/2023 09:17

Maybe she’s struggling with fertility issues and was struggling being around a newborn. I think you’re being unreasonable for being ‘fuming’ about this. Get a grip.

I don't think someone who was struggling that much with fertility would visit someone who had just had a baby TBH. let's face it if you have just had a baby all the talk is going to be about that.

Missingmyusername · 22/12/2023 09:22

So you didn’t invite her a mutual friend did. Perhaps she felt awkward.

“Christ I've lived 40 years without realising it's obligatory to fawn over a newborn and present offerings like one the 3 wise Men.” 🤔🤣🤣🤣

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CatMadam · 22/12/2023 09:24

I thought your post was easy to understand op. Some of the replies you’re getting are ridiculous, it’s not ‘completely unhinged’ to be upset that this person ignored your baby! They don’t have to fawn over the baby, but acknowledging them is the most basic politeness, surely. Having a newborn is such a vulnerable time, no wonder this upset you- I cried for almost an hour because we were out of biscuits when my son was a few days old!

SD1978 · 22/12/2023 09:24

I'm sorry you're getting sick a faux hard time- she turned up at your house, with another mutual friend, to see you and your new baby. She never acknowledged the child, or really you. If there was something going on that she finds it difficult to be around babies, then she shouldn't have come. Being petulant and difficult in your own home is disrespectful. I would be pretty annoyed at her lack of manners

AfraidToRun · 22/12/2023 09:26

I wouldn't give her the head space. Waste of time and energy.

jays · 22/12/2023 09:30

littlebirdieblu · 22/12/2023 07:18

Maybe you should edit as your post doesn't make a lot of sense

It’s really not difficult to figure it out.

AnneValentine · 22/12/2023 09:36

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 09:03

@AnneValentine do you completely ignore the fact that there's a baby in the room and refuse to acknowledge it?

i had already congratulated her on safe arrival but pretty much yeah. If it had struck up a conversation I would have responded but it just lay there 🤷‍♀️

AnneValentine · 22/12/2023 09:37

SD1978 · 22/12/2023 09:24

I'm sorry you're getting sick a faux hard time- she turned up at your house, with another mutual friend, to see you and your new baby. She never acknowledged the child, or really you. If there was something going on that she finds it difficult to be around babies, then she shouldn't have come. Being petulant and difficult in your own home is disrespectful. I would be pretty annoyed at her lack of manners

Who said she was there to see baby?

PersephonePomegranate23 · 22/12/2023 09:40

I think most people would agree that the visitor's behaviour was rude, but the OP's reaction is way over the top. Makes me wonder what her behaviour was like and whether she's a princess.

Whatever, both women sound like a PITA.

IncompleteSenten · 22/12/2023 09:41

Sounds like she didn't want to come and your other friend nagged her into it.
Yes, she was rude.
Best thing to do would be talk to your other friend and ask her not to invite her again. If asked say you noticed that she really didn't want to be there and it would be better if she wasn't put in that situation again.

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 09:42

@AnneValentine then you did more than OP's friend did. That's the difference. No one expects a performing monkey(and if they do,they are being unreasonable) but there definitely is a bare minimum threshold for things like these,like congratulating the person. The same as you would for an engagement/wedding,new house,new job etc.

Birdcar · 22/12/2023 09:59

You never know what people have going on in their lives.

Her behaviour was odd but it's not worth taking offence.

moderationincludingmoderation · 22/12/2023 10:03

PersephonePomegranate23 · 22/12/2023 09:40

I think most people would agree that the visitor's behaviour was rude, but the OP's reaction is way over the top. Makes me wonder what her behaviour was like and whether she's a princess.

Whatever, both women sound like a PITA.

100% the conclusion i've come to as well. Worded well!

AnneValentine · 22/12/2023 10:07

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 09:42

@AnneValentine then you did more than OP's friend did. That's the difference. No one expects a performing monkey(and if they do,they are being unreasonable) but there definitely is a bare minimum threshold for things like these,like congratulating the person. The same as you would for an engagement/wedding,new house,new job etc.

I didn’t congratulate when I saw her.

AnneValentine · 22/12/2023 10:14

RampantIvy · 22/12/2023 09:15

There is no need to be rude though.

Show quote history

I don’t think the behaviour described is rude. I think the OP is one of those who wants everyone to fawn and has no perspective on how others might feel.

It’s actually sad. It means many mums become isolated because they can’t see that some people want to be THEIR friend. Not the baby’s no 1 fan. Or even a fan at all.

plantpotsandbugs · 22/12/2023 10:15

Well of course it's weird, but I'm guessing there's a reason.

When I was 19 I had a big drama over a boyfriend and stormed out in a mood.

I had a friend at the time who was early 30s and had just had a baby a few days before.

I turned out at her house to moan about my boyfriend Blush I gushed over the baby for maybe 2 mins,asked a few questions.....then moved on and started moaning and crying about my boyfriend Blush

Years later and I am still mortified that I did that. I was young and stupid and completely didn't grasp that having a baby was a HUGE thing. I was even still there moaning throughout the midwife / health visitor check Blush

Is this friend very young? Very socially awkward? Perhaps has fertility issues?

RampantIvy · 22/12/2023 10:16

Someone has a life changing event. Not to at least acknowledge it is rude IMO. You don't have to like babies to be polite.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/12/2023 10:20

So,

Your friend has been avoiding visiting since you had the new baby.
Was likely made to come by the mutual friend so turned up.
She totally ignored the baby and would barely look at you when you had baby.

There's clearly something up with you friend.

Did you not ask her if she was ok? Or message afterwards and say hey X, you seemed out of sorts today. Are you ok?

whatausername · 22/12/2023 10:27

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:31

Sorry guys I’m Italian English is not my first language so if you are native no wonder why you don’t get it

Italian uses punctuation though.

LardyCakeAgain · 22/12/2023 10:27

Frankly I'd be more interested in an iguana than a baby.

Would you expect to be strong-armed into visiting a woman who just got a new iguana, coo over it all night and bring it presents? Ask how the adoption went while others share stories about looking after iguanas? That's how it feels for some of us who aren't into babies.

PepperIsHere · 22/12/2023 10:29

Christ there are some gratuitously bitchy posts on this thread

OP I too would be hurt and taken aback if a visitor to my home did not acknowledge my new baby. It's basic manners to acknowledge everyone in the room and a newborn is a huge deal. If you cannot bring yourself to acknowledge and admire the baby then congratulate the parents, you are an ignorant fool.

As for the grammar, there are always posters who need to busy themselves with derailing the thread in order to prop up their fragile egos. Ignore.

honeylulu · 22/12/2023 10:29

I think she was rude and ungracious. Turning up, making the most of food and drink OP provided, collecting a Christmas present (without thanks) and yet not even a cursory passing acknowledgement for a huge life event recently experienced by the host.

She may have suffered past fertility trauma (or not). She may be totally uninterested in babies but the bare minimum is to say "congratulations on the new arrival". Even my husband's single childless bozo mates managed that much! If you can't bring yourself to do so, don't bother coming. It's just boorish and graceless.

She came to see you. Not the baby, not your husband, not the dog/cat.You. But that's not good enough? That makes you the crappy friend, not her

I don't think this is the case. The extra info from OP and comment about "inspiration" suggests she just came to have a nosey at OP's furniture and couldn't muster the most basic attempt at hiding it.

DarkForces · 22/12/2023 10:32

Maybe focus on the 49 nice visits?

Andthereyougo · 22/12/2023 10:34

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:23

It’s not even about the presents
how would you feel if someone comes to your house and doesn’t congratulate on your new born baby ? Avoids eye contact when you are holding the baby the whole evening

That sounds like some sort of baby related problem she’s struggling with. Maybe she didn’t want to visit and felt pressurised into it.
If 50 (50 is a lot!) people all visited and brought gifts I’m sure you can live without one more. This lady might be having a very tough time, you could be kind.

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