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Original poster

Fuming for a friend reaction to my baby

191 replies

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 07:15

So long story short
a friend A of few years came to visit by arranging of another friend B. I didn’t mention inviting A this time but B did. So I went along with it we have a new born and she was invited few times and she never got back to me but managed to come now.
Turned up empty-handed( which I wouldn’t care about it but she is the only one out of 50 guests to turn up like that) plus with the grumpiest face on her face, didn’t say congratulations at all
didn’t look at my baby, didn’t do any eye contact small talk with my baby, didn’t compliment nothing !!! Had food and a drink and left !!
I’m literally fuming and angry, I just have never seen anything like that. I have met many babies in my life and I have grown up in a family where you are happy about other people babies and you want to hold them and just congratulate to parents really …. I’m like what had actually just happened …

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 08:03

But she doesn’t she was playing all night with my friend B girl

OP posts:
moderationincludingmoderation · 22/12/2023 08:04

sorry to hear of your loss @Sadtiming but everyone deals with infertility/loss grief differently. It's actually very common for some to struggle around baby announcements, new borns etc.
I'm one of them and have found solace in that by talking to many others (lots on mumsnet) who are similar.

You still haven't answered as to whether you know if your 'rude' guest has any traumas that may have affected her 'disappointing' reaction?

AutumnCrow · 22/12/2023 08:05

I'm wondering what you do with 49 baby presents.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
moderationincludingmoderation · 22/12/2023 08:06

Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 08:03

But she doesn’t she was playing all night with my friend B girl

Sorry cross post..

She doesn't have issues, you say, because you know for a fact or simply because you assumes she doesnt as she was playing with another baby?

PaperDoIIs · 22/12/2023 08:06

howdoyoudotoo · 22/12/2023 07:57

@Sadtiming by your post you mean every post on this page that points out that you should have compassion for the trauma of others? When everyone is telling you the world doesn't revolve around your baby and you think everyone else is wrong... the problem is you.

The difference between you and this other person is you have a baby, so I take it you would be just as happy to give up the baby and live a childless life not by choice. Yeah?... didn't think so.

Acknowledging there's a baby in the room is not revolving your life around that baby. It's basic manners . Basic manners should be expected in a friendship. You don't go to someone's house and completely ignore one member of their family ,whether they are 8 days old or 80, do you?

Winterknights · 22/12/2023 08:07

It’s hard to think of a clearer example of someone looking for the negative. So you are lucky enough to have 49 people in your life who love you and are delighted in your baby, yet you ruin this happy state by obsessing, to the state of being ‘fuming’, over the one person who doesn’t?

You really need to let this go and concentrate on the many, many blessings in your life.

Congratulations on your baby.

Deebee90 · 22/12/2023 08:08

unless You say what the event was I’m thinking maybe she doesn’t like you . You seem pushy and greedy. Not everyone wants to fuss over a newborn baby .

shockthemonkey · 22/12/2023 08:09

Ah c’mon, the OP is fairly straightforward. I’ve seen much, much worse from people who have English as their mother tongue.

I find it strange that the grumpy friend came at all. Very odd behaviour to turn up at an event to welcome a new baby then ignore both mum and newborn.

OP did you buy all your 50 guests a Christmas gift??? If not, why did you do so for this grumpy friend who had rebuffed you on several occasions and whom you had not wanted to invite in the first place?

MySecret21 · 22/12/2023 08:11

AutumnCrow · 22/12/2023 08:05

I'm wondering what you do with 49 baby presents.

And whether she bought all 50 guests a Christmas present, or just Guest A who she didn’t even initially invite to the event 🤷‍♀️

theduchessofspork · 22/12/2023 08:11

You are being crackers OP (it’s probably the hormones)

For whatever reason (and there are a few sad possibilities) she doesn’t bond with babies. That’s probably why she didn’t accept your previous invites.

Why on earth is this bothering you? When as you say the other 49 people who’ve visited have done what you wanted them to?

So a) have a bit of imagination of what might be behind this, and b) stop being so entitled about presents - people are not obligated to bring you stuff.

shockthemonkey · 22/12/2023 08:12

I’m not sure why so many people are jumping to the past trauma theory. If that were the case, grumpy friend should not have come, indeed would have been stupid to attend.

ConnieCroydon · 22/12/2023 08:12

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

WandaWonder · 22/12/2023 08:13

We absolutely loved and adored our baby, but our baby was a baby they are boring

I would presume the guests are there to talk to people who can talk back and interact so no I have no issue

Nor would I care for presents or anything again they are here for me/husband I don't need any more stuff

BoredofBlonde · 22/12/2023 08:14

Why are people making excuses for her behaviour? She came to the house of a newborn, made no effort with the new mum, didn't acknowledge the baby and left.
Very ignorant.

So what if she's got infertility issues, it doesn't make someone ignorant. Stay home if you don't want to be around newborns. Don't bring your sadness into someone else's home and expect sympathy.

Original poster
Sadtiming · 22/12/2023 08:15

Haha it was a figure of speech
I didn’t really count how many people turned over
maybe more then 50 maybe less
but it was over weeks not a party as someone has assumed
just forget about the presents they don’t really matter I’m talking about coming to someone house and ignoring a new human being all night and the only thing you care is where is my furniture from
oh and the most important part that I forgot to mention
B said to A “thank me now you got inspiration “…

OP posts:
BodenCardiganNot · 22/12/2023 08:16

You are so judgmental and rude when you don’t know the whole story.. coming to your own conclusions I hope you are not like this to your family and friends when they come for a help to you….

But you didn't tell the whole story. You can't blame other people for drawing their own conclusions on the limited information you have given.

BalletBob · 22/12/2023 08:17

It doesn't sound as though you like her very much.

Maybe she isn't that interested in babies. Not everybody is! In which case, all the fawning over a tiny human and pretending they're cute won't come naturally to her.

Maybe she has a harrowing personal history of infertility or pregnancy loss. Maybe it took absolutely everything she had to even show up for you. Maybe she was dying inside the whole time and made a superhuman effort to be there. It doesn't take a great deal of empathy to realise that this could easily be the case. The fact that you experienced pregnancy loss and were able to celebrate other babies (as was I) doesn't mean that everyone reacts the same way.

I think most people in your shoes would be grateful for the 49 presents they did receive, and extending some goodwill and love to the 1 friend who appears to potentially have found the entire thing very difficult.

lemontree27 · 22/12/2023 08:20

@PaperDoIIs

Acknowledging there's a baby in the room is not revolving your life around that baby. It's basic manners . Basic manners should be expected in a friendship. You don't go to someone's house and completely ignore one member of their family ,whether they are 8 days old or 80, do you?

Best comment. I agree 100%

SevenOnTheLabel · 22/12/2023 08:20

It’s weird OP, as are the answers here. No gift wouldn’t bother me at all although most people do tend to bring something. The ignoring the existence of the baby would piss me off though. Congrats, he/she is lovely is the minimum of normal polite conversation really. If she can’t manage that and wants to ignore the fact you’ve had a baby, she shouldn’t have visited.

My brother visited after I had my second child with his partner of 4 years. We didn’t know each other that well but had always chatted about normal stuff and never struggled for conversation, but on this visit she hardly spoke, only to ask if the baby was a ‘good or a bad one’. 😬 The visit was awkward.

My friends were lovely, they bought gifts, cake, chatted about how I was, all had cuddles with my baby, chatted about other stuff too. That’s normal, your friend was odd. Don’t let it bother you.

FredaFox · 22/12/2023 08:21

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/12/2023 07:20

It's alright - Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh will be on special offer in a couple of weeks. I'm sure she'll remember her duties to your child by then.

Sorry but this tickled me no end

Rubes24 · 22/12/2023 08:22

Sounds like it was very difficult for her for some reason. Maybe she is struggling with infertility/ miscarriage etc. I would be worried about her if anything. It sounds like you have many other people giving you and baby lots of positive attention/ gifts. I would just let this one go...

Hiddenvoice · 22/12/2023 08:22

I’m sorry you’ve had previous losses but everyone deals with it differently. Some people can go and be around newborns and others find it more challenging and may appear stand off-ish.

It was rude for her to come and ignore the baby, a simple congratulations, hope you’re both keeping well would have been enough but we don’t know what she’s going through so can’t comment on that.

I think the fact you’ve invited her a few times and she’s not responded sort of shows you she doesn’t want to be around the baby and that’s okay for her to make that choice. Your focus is now on your child so I would try put this in the past and focus on your family.

girlyjim · 22/12/2023 08:24

It never fails to amaze me how weird people can be on Mumsnet. These replies are so weird.

OP, you're so right. It's so rude to not even mention your baby. She's obviously come to visit you and she can't even say congrats? That's so bizarre. God knows why, maybe infertility, maybe jealousy, maybe she's just a bitch. There's no excuse really. Why did she bother to even come?🤦‍♀️

All you can do is ask her why or try to forget it and move on. I'd be fading her out though. Don't need "friends" like that.

ConnieCroydon · 22/12/2023 08:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Newuser75 · 22/12/2023 08:24

I'm so surprised by these posts and can't help but think people are being deliberately mean.

If you have just had a new baby and your friend came round (forgetting the other 49 people) and totally ignored the fact that you had just had a baby wouldn't you think it was a bit strange.

And to take a present without saying thank you is rude.

OP did you ask her what was up? My first guess would be that she was struggling with fertility issues or something.