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Original poster

Teenagers and NYE

209 replies

chatenoire · 13/12/2023 08:48

Some very good family friends have invited us to their NYE party. Obviously we'd love to go, but our 13yo DD has decided that she's not coming.

I can't force her so the only options are that she stays at home or we stay at home with her. Neither option sounds ideal, so I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Bringbackspangles · 15/12/2023 07:42

Glad you have sorted it @chatenoire. I’m all for listening to kids but occasionally they do need to understand that the they are not the family sun around which everyone else revolves. In life they will have to mix with people they don’t like upon first meeting and developing the necessary skills to be able to be tolerant of others for short periods of time is really important.

TheaBrandt · 15/12/2023 07:45

Also if she’s anything like my teen girls a plan with friends may well emerge 2 days before. That is why planning your own social life around a teens is a fools errand! They are so last minute. You turn down an invite to be a dutiful teen parent then they suddenly have an offer and vanish! Been there done that…

Then when they do get more social they want lifts at say 11pm on a Saturday night etc. Sooo much easier to have a social life yourself with primary aged kids…

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 15/12/2023 08:43

chatenoire · 15/12/2023 07:31

Just a quick update... After having a chat about the plans, she ultimately decided that she'd come with us as there was no real big difference between staying at home and coming with us.

I told he that her place for NYE was still with her family and that who knows she might actually enjoy the party.

BTW she enjoys spending time with adults but not being forced to "make friends" with kids her age. That was the crux of the whole thing.

Great result. Wishing all of you happy holidays.

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13 year olds
Evenstar · 15/12/2023 08:46

That’s a lovely update, I hope you all enjoy your evening OP

assessedorregreased · 15/12/2023 08:56

She's 13.

Just tell her she's going with you!

Rubyphoebetina · 15/12/2023 11:57

I don’t really understand why you are letting a 13 year old dictate to you?! I would be telling her she is coming to the party with you whether she likes it or not. If she does not come nicely or does not behave at the party then she loses privileges….. whatever works, screen time, seeing friend etc.

MadCatLady27 · 15/12/2023 15:19

Not a parent yet but another who at 13 would have been told they were going and that I was going too!

Taking her switch would be a compromise but I'd also have been expected to spend at least the first part of the evening communicating with people

Abbimae · 15/12/2023 17:24

Can’t imagine having your life dictated to by a 13 year old. They don’t want to go so you don’t go? What the hell. You are people too. Kids that age do as they are told.

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 15/12/2023 17:47

I think you came to the right conclusion, in a few years she'll be able to go where she pleases

TheaBrandt · 15/12/2023 17:53

Agree Abbi! What is wrong with our generation we have taken this child centred thing waaay too far. Can’t imagine it even occurring to our parents generation to miss an event because of a sulky teen!

Lotty101 · 15/12/2023 18:06

If the friend have offered the granny flat for the night could your daughter not go with you and camp out in the flat if she doesn’t want to be in the actual party but that way she’s not home alone?

TheaBrandt · 15/12/2023 18:08

We were always told Christmas is for family new years is for friends. That’s the 90s parenting take on it anyway!

Iamgettingolderandgrumpier · 15/12/2023 18:46

Am I missing something? Have children changed in last decade or so? At 13, my DC would have been told they are going and that’s it. I would never consider leaving such a young teenager, particularly a girl, at home alone. You may be nearby but not near enough should something awful happen.

Jem123456789 · 15/12/2023 19:23

When my two boys were young teens (under 16) we all went out for a family meal on NYE and then watched the fireworks in the city at midnight. I wouldn’t have left them. Now, of course, at 20 and 22 they leave us!

threatmatrix · 15/12/2023 22:34

At thirteen she wouldn’t be having a choice.

Nickinoo22 · 15/12/2023 23:26

Avacardo2023 · 14/12/2023 08:51

I have three teens and your mistake was asking her and allowing her to dictate your plans. At 13 kids should be told they are going and that's that. We do such a lot for our kids and occasionally they have to also suck up doing something they might not want to do. I have to work with some of these young kids just leaving school after experiencing gentle parenting and dealing with their entitlement is an absolute nightmare.

This !

NowYouTellMe · 16/12/2023 04:34

Why does your 13yr old have a fondness for curaçao?!!!!!

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 16/12/2023 08:11

Am I missing something? Have children changed in last decade or so?

As a secondary school teacher, I'd say yes. So has parenting.

Original poster
chatenoire · 16/12/2023 08:23

NowYouTellMe · 16/12/2023 04:34

Why does your 13yr old have a fondness for curaçao?!!!!!

Just the colour. She likes it with sprite and nothing else.

OP posts:
jobling · 16/12/2023 08:56

She’s 13 and not 18, it wouldn’t even be a conversation, she’d be coming with us at the age and when she’d had enough of mingling she would have her device.

No way would I leave her at home and no way would I cancel because my child doesn’t want to… this seems utterly bonkers you’d even consider that. Children need to learn they also need to do thing they don’t always like, it’s part of life.

Jacesmum1977 · 16/12/2023 15:56

I wouldn’t leave a 13 yr old alone, period.

EllaPaella · 17/12/2023 08:16

I still can't get over a 13 year old being allowed to drink blue curaco. If she likes the blue colour give her blue raspberry lemonade- there's no need to be giving a 13 year old alcohol. I can promise you I'm no prude and a pretty laid back parent (mum of three boys the eldest now in his 20's) and I am shocked that it's considered okay to give a child alcohol at home at only 13.

TheaBrandt · 17/12/2023 08:22

Agree Ella. Studies show giving young teens booze does the opposite of modelling safe drinking or “inoculating” them from drinking with mates young teens being given alcohol by parents are actually statistically far more likely to be problem drinkers as adults as you’ve endorsed it.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/12/2023 08:26

chatenoire · 13/12/2023 09:53

Yeah, I've suggested she takes her switch, but then she says she'd rather be at home with the cat (which is fair enough as she absolutely adores our kitty cat).”

So would I. Dragging a child to an adult party they’re not interested in isn’t fair. If she couldn’t stay with a friend, I would decline.

suwatts · 17/12/2023 20:18

onebyonetheythenleft · 13/12/2023 09:07

I have a similar dilemma. I couldn't leave my DC (who is 15) at home alone on NYE. They would be fine but morally it would feel wrong. We should be together seeing the NY in with each other. Until the time comes that they are old enough to go out with friends that is. We will stay at home and play games, have nice food, drinks etc and if DC wants to join in then that's great but if not then that is fine too. I couldn't bear the thought of DC home alone NYE at midnight; the rest of the world is partying but DC is alone. Nope, never.

The rest of the world won’t be partying. I won’t. Usually have a nice takeaway and in bed by ten.
I know what you mean though. It seems like everyone is partying.