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Original poster

Teenagers and NYE

209 replies

chatenoire · 13/12/2023 08:48

Some very good family friends have invited us to their NYE party. Obviously we'd love to go, but our 13yo DD has decided that she's not coming.

I can't force her so the only options are that she stays at home or we stay at home with her. Neither option sounds ideal, so I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 13/12/2023 22:24

You have a 13 year old and a 4 year old. No I don’t think you can both go to a party for the night.

TheaBrandt · 13/12/2023 22:24

It’s a tricky age. We were so lucky we were friends with our kids friends parents so one family would host and the adults would hang out and the teens would too but in another part of the house and we would all meet up at midnight to watch the fireworks. Brilliant. Got away with this until the older kids 14 ish

Notamum12345577 · 13/12/2023 22:27

NoTouch · 13/12/2023 21:49

^ this, until she is old enough to be going out for NY herself. So you still have a few years yet!

Until then you have options

Bribe her to go
Go somewhere she wants to go too
Stay at home/have a party at home
She finds somewhere she is happy to spend NY

She is too young to have friends over unsupervised all night.

Show quote history

Option 5 Tell her she is going. She can always go to the flat if she doesnt like the party!

Interested in this thread?

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13 year olds
Notamum12345577 · 13/12/2023 22:28

Nancydrawn · 13/12/2023 21:49

Not being pearl clutch-y, but how does your 13-year-old know she likes blue curaçao?

At 13 I’m sure she has tried alcohol!

atthecoreofallyoudo · 13/12/2023 22:28

Two options for a 13 yr old:

Go with you (and, if it absolutely comes to it, lurk in the granny flat)

or

Go for a sleepover at a friend's house, with the friend's parents present.

There aren't any other options for her, other than you not going to the party (which means a 13 yr old dictates what everyone does - which is a no, in my book).

Personally, I don't care about New Year so I'd gladly swerve a party and have an early night - but there were other events that my DC objected to but had to attend anyway, because children sometimes just have to do things that they don't want to do.

My DC are 19-23, fwiw, and those would have been their two options at that age.

Notamum12345577 · 13/12/2023 22:30

DangerousAlchemy · 13/12/2023 22:21

This was us last year. Invited to a party 10 min walk away. DS is good friends with the family's son but our DD (18 then) doesn't like their kids & didn't want to go. We didn't go & stayed home & played board games/watched a film & had a lovely evening together just the 4 of us. Honestly the teenage years whizz by so I didn't really mind. I've no idea what we are doing this NYE - will see if our DC have any plans with friends I guess & play it by ear.

You didn’t go because your adult child didn’t want to?

2chocolateoranges · 13/12/2023 22:35

Evenstar · 13/12/2023 09:17

My children are older now, but I wouldn’t have even asked a 13 year old whether they wanted to go out on NYE, the invitation would have been accepted by us as parents at that age and we would all have gone.

Has she given any reason for not wanting to go?

Totally agree!

no way am I having a 13yr old dictate to me. We have been invited as a family and we go as a family.

I can’t believe parents would change plans due to a stroppy 13 yr old!

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 13/12/2023 22:44

So if you have a 4yo with you I presume you're not both drinking?? So can't one of you drive home?

Tho the real answer to 13yo is- you're coming. She can stay in the granny flat if she doesn't want to join in.

You cannot, cannot leave a 13 yo overnight.

Duechristmas · 13/12/2023 22:47

Get her to sleep at a friend's house.

AAT65 · 13/12/2023 22:48

Not read beyond first few posts but 13 year old on own on NYE noooooooo way. Parent. She comes with you or you don't go.

user1471447924 · 13/12/2023 22:49

Why is she having a say in this in the first place?

LyingLikeACheapCarpet · 13/12/2023 22:50

Duechristmas · 13/12/2023 22:47

Get her to sleep at a friend's house.

She isn't a dog.

It isn't unreasonable to take into account a teens feelings. Those that rule with a do as I say attitude cause long term resentment.

I agree with the pp who said parenting isn't over yet. Parenting is often sacrifices but it is for a short window.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 13/12/2023 22:51

onebyonetheythenleft · 13/12/2023 09:07

I have a similar dilemma. I couldn't leave my DC (who is 15) at home alone on NYE. They would be fine but morally it would feel wrong. We should be together seeing the NY in with each other. Until the time comes that they are old enough to go out with friends that is. We will stay at home and play games, have nice food, drinks etc and if DC wants to join in then that's great but if not then that is fine too. I couldn't bear the thought of DC home alone NYE at midnight; the rest of the world is partying but DC is alone. Nope, never.

This!

adomizo · 13/12/2023 22:53

user1471447924 · 13/12/2023 22:49

Why is she having a say in this in the first place?

This.

Duechristmas · 13/12/2023 22:55

LyingLikeACheapCarpet · 13/12/2023 22:50

She isn't a dog.

It isn't unreasonable to take into account a teens feelings. Those that rule with a do as I say attitude cause long term resentment.

I agree with the pp who said parenting isn't over yet. Parenting is often sacrifices but it is for a short window.

Show quote history

Wow, most kids that age love a sleepover, far more than going to a stuffy old party. My kids always joined us for parties but that's because we're not stuffy olds 🤣

EwwSprouts · 13/12/2023 22:55

The NSPCC suggests that children under 16 should not be left alone overnight. Your DD is 13.

U2HasTheEdge · 13/12/2023 22:56

At that age mine would be going whether they liked it or not.

If they can go to a friend's house, great! If not, they are coming with me.

My 14 year old hasn't wanted to go to certain events and ive let her stay at home. But an overnight party? No. If the rest of the family want to go, she will have to go too.

HerculesMulligannn · 13/12/2023 23:06

I would ask/tell the 13 year old that they are coming to the party to babysit the 4 year old and pay them for doing so. So they can put the younger child to bed in the granny flat at an appropriate time, sit in with them and get £whatever you feel is appropriate. You get to stay up, younger child is sorted, older child feels responsible and needed and gets some money for doing whatever she would have done anyway but without resentment. Win win!

Bournetilly · 13/12/2023 23:09

I think if you are going home afterwards then it’s ok but it’s not ok to leave her all night and then stay out too. Can she not come and just stay in the granny flat all night and bring some things to do? Then she doesn’t have to get involved with the party but you know she is safe. Or do you have any family members she can stay with?

DangerousAlchemy · 13/12/2023 23:11

Notamum12345577 · 13/12/2023 22:30

You didn’t go because your adult child didn’t want to?

Show quote history

We didn't go cos NYE is a big night in our family where we have a lovely night together plus my DD is shy & anxious & doesn't have many local friends. So yes we decided not to go & had a lovely time at home instead - judge all you like but we won't have many years left where our DC actually want to spend NYE with us 🤷‍♀️

user1492757084 · 13/12/2023 23:11

I would not ask another child over to a house empty of adult supervision.
I suggest that your daughter accompanies your family to the friends' party. Give her the choice of staying until you leave or being brought home earlier - 10 ish - to do her own quiet thing with the cat.
You can then choose to leave her on her own for a couple of hours or one of you could also leave the party early.
Chances are she will be having a grand time and will choose to stay until midnight and relax with her cat the following day.

WaddyDarbucks · 13/12/2023 23:12

Just tell her that if she doesn’t go then the next time she really wants to go to a friend’s party the parent taxi service will be out of order as you’d both prefer to just chill out at home with the cat.

EllaPaella · 13/12/2023 23:13

Is it just me that noted the comment about the 13 year old liking blue curaco? Maybe I'm old fashioned but as a mother of a 13 year old I don't understand how a 13 year old has a taste for spirits...or maybe I've misinterpreted the OP's comment.
I wouldn't leave my 13 year old overnight either, especially not a 30 minute walk away. If you needed to get back urgently you'd never get a taxi at short notice on NYE.

Viviennemary · 13/12/2023 23:13

She is 13 and needs to do as she is told. Too young to be left at home. And you shouldn't have to stay in just because she doesn't want to go. Offer her a bribe.

Foxblue · 13/12/2023 23:15

Take her, leave her in the granny flat. Alternatively, have you tried explaining how much you really want to go and how much you'd appreciate her going along (and again, staying in the granny flat doing presumably exactly what she'd be doing at home sans cat)
Maybe a bigger chat is needed about how while she's still too young to be on her own she will need to accept coming along in certain situations because you still want a social life....

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