Why are families so utterly shit

[whyamiawakestill]

I just need to rage and get this out, if anyone has similar stories please share as I feel a bit lost.

My dad died a couple of years ago, my brother lives overseas.

My elderly mum is in a financial pickle not enough savings, and will be out of money in about 3 years.

I'm trying help, to step in and get her permanent housing sorted sooner rather than later, we are selling cars, stoping our own plans, cutting back so we can find extra money.

It's stressful and hard but I'm willing to do anything to help my own mum, she's lovely and this isn't her fault it's due to having a father with mental health issues who couldn't earn for many years.

I finally have hit a wall I can't get enough so I messaged my brother a few days ago to ask further help. I'm talking £100-£200 a month. He's working, owns a home, no dependents. Has holiday plans, new cars etc he's ok, not minted but ok for money.

And he's said sorry no I can't afford to help.

So basically I'm on my own and I just feel so so angry, my poor dad would be livid.

How on earth do I move forward with this anger? I'm crying typing this, I can't even understand that level of selfish.

My mum had someone from the local council explain to her how sheltered housing works. She had no savings so her housing was paid by the council. Perhaps getting someone "official" to speak to her would help? Or take her to see age uk, they are brilliant with advice.

I think your mum would love sheltered housing, mine did but she left it too late to leave the family home she'd been in for 50 years, she should have moved sooner.

Good luck op

That's a great idea thank you.

"Unfortunately I live in a crazy part of the UK and 40k won't buy you a garage here- Which is why she doesn't live near us"

I didn't mean buy something for £40k I meant adding the £40k to your current house value to buy a bigger place to house all of you.

In most places £40k will get you an extra bedroom.

Or use £40k to convert a loft/garage so her and DCs have space in another house.

Well that's lovely for your mum who's clearly from a richer demographic than mine and was given university as an option. My mum would have lovely the opportunity.

Ha Ha Ha Ha

That is so far from the truth. If only you had any idea about my Mum's upbringing and background you'd realise that the idea of her family being "rich" is just bizarre.

She's got 40k in savings, not a badly off demographic!

But a couple of hundred quid a month is a huge amount. Perhaps he is desperately saving for his own old age??

If he has children I'm guessing he wants to provide for them too. If not, then he has to make doubly sure he has funds available for his own care.

I don't think I'd take too kindly to my sibling texting me and asking me to pay hundreds a month for someone who has a lot of capital behind her.

I do think you feel the burden of all the what if's on your own and are maybe planning to try and avoid your mum being in a difficult situation down the road.
I understand that frustration especially as your brother has been absent in support at other times.
However i honestly think leave things until there is an issue. She may be able to stay a long time in her current let.
Nothing to stop you keeping an eye out for a local sheltered accommodation option.
I don't think you need to bankrupt yourself to buy her something but understand that desire to have her settled.
You don't know what health or mobility needs might come up in the next few years either.

@WhereIsBebèsChambre the capital she has left was from an old house sale? What's your point exactly.

I apologise that my mum didn't have the opportunity's your mum did, I'll be sure to let her know she should have tried harder 🤣

What a random point to make.

Your mum had opportunities others haven't to have been a home owner?

And where have I mentioned my mother?
Sounds like your parents had an owner occupied property, they've sold as you said, hence the money in savings, gone into rented, and now you're kicking off because your brother won't pay towards a mortgage in your and your mothers name?

Im not sure there is a point to that post?

Is there a point to anything?