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Original poster

Do you ask for your children's house key to be returned when they leave home?

344 replies

heartsinvisiblefury · 16/11/2023 08:49

Me and my 3 siblings all left home in the late 90's at various ages from 18 to 20, some of us off to Uni, and others moved away with work. We were told we had to hand our house key (the key to our home) back to our parents and essentially we were on our own, not welcome back to live and only welcome back to stay if we gave at least a weeks notice.

Was this normal for that time? Or is this odd? I didn't really know any different so assumed it was what was done but now with my own adult children it has struck me as a really odd thing to do.

OP posts:
DelurkingAJ · 16/11/2023 08:50

I still have a key to my parents’ home. They would have been horrified by the attitude you experienced. I hope it was an isolated oddity.

Original poster
heartsinvisiblefury · 16/11/2023 08:51

DelurkingAJ · 16/11/2023 08:50

I still have a key to my parents’ home. They would have been horrified by the attitude you experienced. I hope it was an isolated oddity.

Sadly not - the feeling of being unwelcome is a lasting memory

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 16/11/2023 08:51

It is an odd thing to do OP and certainly not normal.

One of my DDs went to uni at 18 and has stayed in her uni town working . She has a key and her bedroom in our house is still hers whenever she wants to stay.

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Families
boudiccathecat · 16/11/2023 08:52

I don’t recall an official key handing over, but I must have done at some point, or maybe I misplaced them. I was always welcome back though. My DC still have their door keys. Which was handy when DC2 moved back in.

Heyhoherewegoagain · 16/11/2023 08:53

I left in 1991 with my key!

my adult kids know that our house is always their home, no questions asked

Oxomoco · 16/11/2023 08:54

Well, when I left for university at 17, it was very plain I’d left home for good, as we were poor, lived in a tiny, overcrowded house, and space was needed — two of my sisters moved into my bedroom, any belongings I didn’t take to university were boxed in the attic, and I slept on the sofa when I visited in the vacs. But I still had a key!

Enko · 16/11/2023 08:54

My 25 year old still has a key to our home. She doesn't live here but has a key.

Topseyt123 · 16/11/2023 08:54

It was an odd thing to do in my opinion, and very cold really.

My three DDs all have a key to our house and two of them don't live here. Always welcome though, it is the family home where they grew up.

I have a key to my mother's house, as does my sister. We are in our fifties. We don't live near her, but go over there a fair bit since our Dad died.

Iizzyb · 16/11/2023 08:55

I kept my key. When the new front door was fitted at my parents' when I was in my mid 30's extra keys were ordered for me & dsis

Sorry about your experience op xx

Fantasia99 · 16/11/2023 08:55

I left 16 years ago and still have the keys to both my parents house. They trust me that I won't go on there without their knowledge (why would I?).

Comedycook · 16/11/2023 08:55

That's really odd. When I went away to uni, I still had my key and it was 100% still my home.

RampantIvy · 16/11/2023 08:55

Absolutely not. DD stayed in her university city to live and work, and still has her key to our house.

I wouldn't dream of asking her to hand it back. I also have a key to her flat.

Hadalifeonce · 16/11/2023 08:55

(weirdly) I still have my house key for my parents' home. The last of my parents died 3 years ago.

Comedycook · 16/11/2023 08:56

When you or your siblings were at uni, did you come home for holidays?

Original poster
heartsinvisiblefury · 16/11/2023 08:56

Oxomoco · 16/11/2023 08:54

Well, when I left for university at 17, it was very plain I’d left home for good, as we were poor, lived in a tiny, overcrowded house, and space was needed — two of my sisters moved into my bedroom, any belongings I didn’t take to university were boxed in the attic, and I slept on the sofa when I visited in the vacs. But I still had a key!

I understand that as the room and space was needed but in our case there was no desperate need for space or extra room - just seems so baffling to me as to the reasons why

OP posts:
alloalloallo · 16/11/2023 08:56

It sounds like a bit of an odd thing to do.

I don’t have a key to my parents’ house now as they’ve moved house since I moved out so I’ve never lived there. I don’t remember ever giving my key back for their old house.

We’ve got a key box as none of us can be trusted to remember to take keys out with us/not to lose them, mine just get a key out and let themselves in whenever. I can’t imagine that ever changing.

APocketOfGooseFood · 16/11/2023 08:56

My parents still live in the house in which I grew up, and I’ve never given back my keys. I am 52.

I am welcome to let myself in whenever. They still consider it my home. I am so glad, and realise how lucky I have been to have a consistent, close and loving relationship with them throughout my life.

CMOTDibbler · 16/11/2023 08:57

I left for uni in 1991, and never had a door key! When I lived at home I was expected to be back in before my parents locked up. I did still have a room there until I had my own place, but it was very clear that I was welcome to visit but that it would have to be something serious for me to move back.
DH went to uni in 1990 and the next week his room was changed to an office and all his stuff put in the loft, so maybe it wasn't very unusual in the early 90's. Certainly in my group it was considered very odd when one of us graduated and moved home

AgnesX · 16/11/2023 08:57

I've just taken my parents' house key off my keyring. I left home 35+ years ago and they've both passed away.

BooksAndHooks · 16/11/2023 08:58

No we all have keys to our parent’s house, and they have keys to ours. We are always welcome. I would never ask any of mine to hand their keys back.

MogTheMoogle · 16/11/2023 08:59

I kept the key. My Dad joked he'd change the locks. But it was a joke...

I mean they did change the locks a few years later....but I was also given that key.

They still have to let me in, as I don't carry it with me as a matter of course.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 16/11/2023 08:59

I still have a key to my mums, even though she's had a new front door since I moved out 🤣

Original poster
heartsinvisiblefury · 16/11/2023 08:59

Comedycook · 16/11/2023 08:56

When you or your siblings were at uni, did you come home for holidays?

Never as so unwelcome - my brother once remembers calling my parents from a phone box to say he was home and could he get a lift home and was promptly told it wasn't convenient. He vividly remembers crying in the phone box. He then called his friends mum and she picked him up and he stayed there for the holidays.

OP posts:
Katrinawaves · 16/11/2023 08:59

My adoptive parents split when in my first year of university and neither of them kept a room for me in their new homes so I was on my own (and keyless) from 18 too.

Original poster
heartsinvisiblefury · 16/11/2023 09:00

Katrinawaves · 16/11/2023 08:59

My adoptive parents split when in my first year of university and neither of them kept a room for me in their new homes so I was on my own (and keyless) from 18 too.

I'm so sorry x

OP posts:
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