Do you ask for your children's house key to be returned when they leave home?

[heartsinvisiblefury]

Me and my 3 siblings all left home in the late 90's at various ages from 18 to 20, some of us off to Uni, and others moved away with work. We were told we had to hand our house key (the key to our home) back to our parents and essentially we were on our own, not welcome back to live and only welcome back to stay if we gave at least a weeks notice.

Was this normal for that time? Or is this odd? I didn't really know any different so assumed it was what was done but now with my own adult children it has struck me as a really odd thing to do.

I still have the key I always had to my childhood home, and my grown up DD still treats this house as her home even though she lives and works 160 miles away.
DP was not offered a key to his parents new home after they moved, even though they moved to be nearer to us so it would make sense for us to hold a spare!

I had keys to doors of my parents house right up until they moved out to live with my sister in a different part of the country because they were struggling to manage such a big house as they got older. They handed me their keys back to do handover to the new owners after I had sorted the entire house move and sale!
They helped me with all of my house moves and were given keys to all of my houses.

I was never even given a key as a teenager. Had to hope someone was in.

I’m 50 and have a key to my parent’s house. They’ve moved 3 times since I left home and I have had a key for every house. I’m in my 5th house and they’ve had a key for every one of them. My children will always have a key to my house. It will ALWAYS be their home, no matter how old they are or whether it’s a house they have lived in. My home is their home. I’m sorry you haven’t had the support you deserved.

alomost 40 and still have a key to front and back door. Also have a key for my aunts and sisters house.
they all have a key to mine too.
I’m welcome anytime at my parents (only mum now) and still have a room there if needed and know if I had to move back I would be more than welcome

I didn't have a key as a teenager, combination of parent or grandparent usually in, plus back door rarely locked, living in small town so if house empty key hidden under a stone (or failing that we could slide the downstairs dash window open and I could boost my sister up and she could wriggle in!!!

Parent usually picked me up from university, or if I came home on the train would pick me up from the station so no need to have a key while at uni. I did get lent one if I was going out later when I was older. I usually let them know when I was coming home, but did occasionally just turn up and ring the bell as a surprise, and they were always pleased to see me.

This changed when parents had a, walk in burglar not long after we got married. They started locking up even when they were in, so then gave me a key. I live 3+hours away, but still have a key, and would just knock but let myself in when arriving for a visit, and just treat the place as home while there.

DC have had keys since they started secondary school. One has boomeranged back home since uni, the other has stayed in their uni town, but both will always have a key to wherever we end up living. They might not always have a bedroom exactly as it used to be (got my eye on a craft room and DH wants a much bigger home office) but they will always be welcome and there will always be a guest bed of some description... Or if we do downsize to a 1 bed flat it might have to be an air bed or a hotel nearby, but I'd always want them to be welcome.

I'm so sorry for you OP, and others who were made so unwelcome. X

We still have keys but our rooms were redecorated/repurposed as guest rooms once we left at 18. The childhood house has since been sold and we just stay in one of two guest rooms. More usually me because I live far away, siblings tend not to stay because they’re still same-day driving distance.

Not only does dh not have a key he's instructed to call before going around. He would also never dream of helping himself to anything in the house eg fridge.

My parents wrote to each of their adult DCs saying they would need to pay a weekly rate if coming to stay. My grandparents were loving and welcoming, I still have my house key my DGM gave me and she passed in 2008.

That is very odd. I do appreciate notice tho. Not a weeks notice that's nuts! But like, a couple of hours.
My parents were kinda cold and distant and I left home at 16... however they never ever asked for their house key back. Nor did they ask for any notice I was coming over. But I did live quite far away from them so I did always give notice as it was a 2 hour train ride away. And tbf they did have a spare room which was on top of having my bedroom.. it was a 5 bedroomed house so it wouldn't have mattered if they'd had guests my room would always have been free.

Wait, you mean if you called and said "Mum, we'd love to come see you and stay for a couple of nights they'd say "Lovely dear, that will be $50/night"? That is insane!

I guess the only time I could possibly see that would be if they lived below the poverty line and seriously couldn't afford to feed the extra mouths. But in those circumstances I'd show up with a bag or two of groceries anyway.

I always had a key. I did ask DD for hers when she went to uni as she had the spare because she lost her one. She has one now though. I'd never want my kids to feel unwelcome! What I would say is that I never let myself into my parents house without knocking first.

I'm 33 and still have my key to my mum's house - she's had a new door fitted so it was a conscious decision to give me one rather than just me always keeping it. My dad moved out a few years ago and gave me a key to his new house, too.

I can't imagine not being able to go to their houses when I want to. I can't imagine ever not being welcome.

one of my children has a friend whose parents decided to let out the child’s room while they were at Uni. If they wanted to come home in the holidays they had to reimburse the parents for the lost earnings. No financial necessity, just choice.

They seemed genuinely surprised when their child didn’t often come home to theirs…

I can't remember that I handed it over, but when I left home (1992), I am unlikely to have taken a key with me as I moved to a different country. My bedroom was made a guest room after I left. I wasn't encouraged to move back later, but I also never wanted to so I don't know if they would have let me or not. But it was clear as an adult that it was "their" house rather than "our" house. None of my school friends moved back to their parents after university either. Maybe it was just the way things were at that time? I don't think any of us were neglected or unloved by our parents.

This is the saddest thing I've read on Mumsnet!! I still have a key to my parents house and I'm welcome any time to stay or pop in to borrow anything or grab food if I don't have much in the house. My parents would be horrified at the suggestion that we would give a weeks notice.

My kids will keep their key and always, always be welcome home to live.

That's some deep-dyed Scroogy-ness, that is! I just can't imagine it.

Our daughter lives 100s of miles away. She still has a key but her room has been repurposed. If she comes to visit she rings the bell and then lets herself in - she never visits unexpectedly. I had a key to my widowed fathers house because I would go in and clean, iron etc. When he remarried and moved I certainly didn’t have any keys as his new wife didn’t want us around under any circumstances.