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Original poster

Do you ask for your children's house key to be returned when they leave home?

344 replies

heartsinvisiblefury · 16/11/2023 08:49

Me and my 3 siblings all left home in the late 90's at various ages from 18 to 20, some of us off to Uni, and others moved away with work. We were told we had to hand our house key (the key to our home) back to our parents and essentially we were on our own, not welcome back to live and only welcome back to stay if we gave at least a weeks notice.

Was this normal for that time? Or is this odd? I didn't really know any different so assumed it was what was done but now with my own adult children it has struck me as a really odd thing to do.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 17/11/2023 19:14

How awful for you. My adult kids all have a key to our home. My youngest DS feeds and walks my dogs and feeds my cats so he moves back in for a week to look after them when I am on holiday. My DH has a key to his Mum's house and up until they died I had a key to my parents house. Any of my 3 DC can turn up at any time day and night and be welcome. I'd rush to make them a meal at short or no notice but as it happens they would ring before they came.

caringcarer · 17/11/2023 19:14

Katrinawaves · 16/11/2023 08:59

My adoptive parents split when in my first year of university and neither of them kept a room for me in their new homes so I was on my own (and keyless) from 18 too.

This is really shocking.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 17/11/2023 19:39

I always had a key to my parents' home, although I would knock when visiting rather than letting myself in.

DS certainly had a key to our house - I would be amazed if he knows where it is though .

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Solibear · 17/11/2023 19:47

I left in 2003 and still had my key up until a couple of years ago when they got a new front door. I rarely used it since I moved out, didn’t really have a need for it, but I don’t think they would ever have felt the need to specifically ask for it back

allhailthebrain · 17/11/2023 19:54

No! To me that’s strange - I have keys to both my parents’ homes even though they have since moved! They do usually know when I’m coming though!
Dont have one to in-laws but they moved to a totally different place since DH lived at home and are a VERY long drive away so there’s never been a need. They lend us a key when we stay no problem.

augustusglupe · 17/11/2023 20:00

I've never thought about it. DD left home about 15 years ago. She still has the key to our last house, which we sold 5 years ago, now you mention it 😄
We're renting at the mo but when we buy, I'll just give her a key. Wouldn't think not to.

BigFatLiar · 17/11/2023 20:04

Our daughters have their own homes and families but still have keys to our house, we even had spares made when we changed the doors. We have keys to their houses and strange though it must seem we have keys to our brothers and sisters houses and they ours in case of emergency.

Bestchocolate · 17/11/2023 20:11

I would like to think unless something extreme happened I would always have keys for children.
When df moved he didn't speficically give us a key but I don't think he would have minded at all.

Unfortunately dh parents really made sure his key was returned.

jay55 · 17/11/2023 20:20

My parents moved while I was at uni. I did get given a key to their new house but I've not lived there long term.

I'm sorry you had to go through that kind of rejection.

Hyperfix8d · 18/11/2023 11:59

Some of the comments in this thread make me so sad, I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like to be essentially kicked out of my parents.

Both myself and my sister moved out years ago and own our own houses albeit hundreds of miles from “home” but home is very much still our home. I will confess we are spoilt brats, we still have our own bedrooms and mum asks permission for any guests to use them (we are early 30s) 😂 I suppose part of it is because we both live so far away, when we come home it can be for a couple of weeks at a time so I expect part of it is the comfort to our parents that we haven’t totally left them. When home we swan in and out as if we live there and help ourselves to anything we need. I appreciate we are totally spoilt and even as adults our parents completely have our backs in any situation whether it emotional support of financial help but I intend to give any future children of my own the exact same “home”.

Oxomoco · 18/11/2023 12:06

Hyperfix8d · 18/11/2023 11:59

Some of the comments in this thread make me so sad, I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like to be essentially kicked out of my parents.

Both myself and my sister moved out years ago and own our own houses albeit hundreds of miles from “home” but home is very much still our home. I will confess we are spoilt brats, we still have our own bedrooms and mum asks permission for any guests to use them (we are early 30s) 😂 I suppose part of it is because we both live so far away, when we come home it can be for a couple of weeks at a time so I expect part of it is the comfort to our parents that we haven’t totally left them. When home we swan in and out as if we live there and help ourselves to anything we need. I appreciate we are totally spoilt and even as adults our parents completely have our backs in any situation whether it emotional support of financial help but I intend to give any future children of my own the exact same “home”.

Not sad in my case, just economic necessity — every bed was needed for younger siblings once I left for university at 17. (I didn’t hand back my key, but I had officially left home, bar a box of belongings in the attic, and being able to sleep on the sofa if visiting in the vac, but very much as a visitor.) I’m not sure it was a bad thing, developmentally. It meant I stood on my own feet and knew I had to make an independent life for myself.

DisforDarkChocolate · 18/11/2023 12:08

Not normal at all. I still have a key and I'm over 50.

DisforDarkChocolate · 18/11/2023 12:08

Not normal at all. I still have a key and I'm over 50.

popandchoc · 18/11/2023 12:22

I still have a key in my 30's and my parents have keys for my house. Just makes life easier!

HelpMeGetThrough · 18/11/2023 12:31

I've had a key to my parents place since I was 12, I'm now 51. Several new front doors later and they always give me a key.

Our boys have a key to home and always will. Eldest is at Uni in London and has it (well, I think he took it with him).

Sage71 · 18/11/2023 19:09

Very odd I have keys to parents and my sisters I find this baffling.

PomegranateRose · 18/11/2023 19:14

I'm 29, moved out for good at 25, and I have my house key. I cannot imagine a situation in which my mum would ask for it back - even if she moves or downsizes, she's made it clear that her home is our home regardless. While I don't feel inherently entitled or expectant of that attitude, I think out of everyone I know it's very unusual for parents to have taken back house keys after adult DCs have moved out, no matter how far away, and I will be surprised if I don't get a key when mum eventually downsizes!

Coffeeismyfriend1 · 18/11/2023 21:44

Still have a key to parents house (and they have one to mine). They’ve actually moved from the house where I lived with them so I now have a key to their current house. We also have a key to my in laws house. We don’t knock when we visit them and vice versa, we just walk in; that’s always been the policy.

Mummma9420 · 18/11/2023 23:17

That’s so sad 💔 when I moved out at twenty I did give my key back as my sister needed one, but about five years ago I started having a back door key and then we got more front door keys cut as I do the school run for my mum when she’s at work sometimes (big age gaps!) and it was pain dragging my baby’s pushchair down the alley to the back door! But I was never made to feel unwelcome or that I couldn’t go back (which I unfortunately did.) Sending hugs to you and your siblings :(

Lec92 · 18/11/2023 23:27

I still have my parents house key but that door is long gone 😂

SgtJuneAckland · 18/11/2023 23:36

I kept my key! My parents had a new front door and lock fitted about ten years later and gave me and my brother new keys

echt · 19/11/2023 01:11

That's sad, OP.
I had keys to my parents and MIL's house.
DD (28) has a key, though I'm pretty sure she's lost it. And she constantly asks where I keep the spare. She's always welcome, but always asks if it's OK first, not that I've ever required this or even mentioned it. I remember feeling sad the first time she called it "your" house instead of "ours".

IvorTheEngineDriver · 19/11/2023 01:23

No. What would I do if I got locked out?

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 19/11/2023 05:30

No always had a key and just travelled down home on a fridayafter work if and when felt like it and did not need to let dad know, he was always delighted to see me and never an issue. He got grumpy as he got older though and my older brother living there made it uncomfortable so did not visit as much.

Elsiehobnob · 19/11/2023 10:50

I’m 42 and when my mum got a new door fitted a couple of years ago I still got a new key, and it meant a lot to me. I rarely use it unless I’m dropping shopping into her fridge or something, but it felt good that she thought I should still have one.