When did you adult children contribute to meals out etc?

[NovemberRain23]

DP and I met a few years ago with both of us having teens from previous relationships. DP would always pay for days and meals out for all of us, me, his children and mine.
The kids are all now in their 20’s. Mine still at Uni, his have left and have their own places. When we go out for meals the expectation is he pays. When it’s something for DP like his birthday or just my child and his friends I pay.
To be honest I don’t mind generally as they are still our kids and happy to feed them at home or out. It’s more things like DP or my birthday which was last week. They didn’t offer anything to contribute as part of it being a gift to their parent.

Just wondered when the dynamic changes really. I’ve discussed with friends and the richer ones are fine always paying and less well off ones don’t do go out every time they get together. Some of the girls pay for their mums when they go out for coffee together. Have we got spoilt kids or is paying as the parent normal ? I still have to insist that I’ll pay when I go out with mine ( in their 70’s) but all of us offer.

I'm in my 40s now and my parents still pay. They can afford it though. And I always offer and say thank you etc. so they know I appreciate it. I do small gestures in return such as randomly take round a bottle of wine every so often or pay for coffee when we're out.

Hope to be the same with my DC.

If they organised a night out to celebrate their dads birthday I'd expect them to pay for him. But on other dinners I guess it's fairly normal for him to pay.
When I went out with my parents and my husband came he (my DH) always paid for us - he earned much more than my father ever did! But we rarely ate out, we usually entertained at our house.

When my mum was still alive and me and my husband and my parents ate out together a lot we took it in turns but my parents would never of 'let us' my husband would often pretend he needed the toilet and nipped to the bar to pay. Wanted to spoil her forever but it was cut short x

I’m another one in my 40s, whose mum insists on paying. She can well afford to and she loves to treat us, so I don’t feel bad.
I do return the favour when I can, like when I’m going up to a counter to order and I get in there first 🤣
I also pick up bits of shopping for her

I’m nearly 40 and my parents and in laws still always want to pay. They have a lot more spare cash than us so mostly we let them - but are always very grateful.

However we always offer and do insist on special occasions for them eg birthdays, anniversaries or if we are saying thank you for something.

I'm 51 and my parents still insist on paying for meals out, coffees etc. Although I do offer. If I book and pay a deposit I don't mention it as they would want to reimburse me.

My parents live in Ireland and I'm in England. They usually do all cooking while I'm there so I always buy a takeaway or pay for a restaurant while I'm there.

My in-laws are here and they always pay when we go out to a restaurant.

I'm 51.
Even if I do the inviting & say I am paying, my father insists on paying - he goes ballistic if you don't let him pay...
His wife & I managed to pay one night on his birthday & he wasn't very happy about it.
So I just take lots of goodies & cinema vouchers when I go to visit. And get told off for doing that.

I wouldn’t prioritize meals out but PIL do. They pay when we go as they are a) well able to afford to and b) want our company. I have stomach issues and actually much prefer eating food I’ve prepared myself 😬

When I started work I would always treat my DM if out for lunch or coffee. Later on when I got married, we always paid our part of the bill as did my siblings. If Mum and Dad were entertaining they would people to their house . Meals out weren’t really a big thing as they weren’t that well off.

When I started earning we split the bills. My mum was and is skint though.

Mil you have to fight her to pay for anything.

I'm 40 with a husband and 2 kids and both my parents and our inlaws insist on paying if we go out for lunch/coffee/dinner and our holiday. We always offer to pay but they insist on covering it, but when we go on holiday we always do the big click and collect and try and pay for lunches/dinner/admission fees if my dad/FIL don't get there first!

🤣🤣 they don’t, think adult DC always think their folks are a lot richer than they are

It’s not so much the food but adults drinking can get very pricey!!

Stop hinting then and tell them. We took our adult (25,24,22) DC on holiday this year. We paid for meals out, they left the gratuities and they were told that the couple of nights we ate at the villa they were cooking and buying the shopping for the meals those evenings which they did.

One of the things I looked forward to when I was earning my own money, was finally being able to take my mum and dad out and treat them.

Mum I can generally get away with it, by telling her it’s a gift/ or to say thanks for something. Dad is a solid no. The one time I sneakily paid for dinner out, he was extremely offended 😬

My parents are still paying for me, my dcs etc…
im 50+yo
No amount of proposing to pay etc… has changed that. They would get upset if I was trying to go and pay before them lol.

When we get something with PIL, we pay. They have much less than us.
But they also have been known to ‘pay’ DH for help he has given them 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

We always pay if we suggest it, or it’s organised as a group. How awkward to have everyone trying to toss in, or asking only those working to toss in and not the ones at uni, easier for us just to pay. If I have a 1:1 dinner with one of the kids, I will always pay if it’s one at uni, if it’s one at work they will offer to shout if it’s a cheap and cheerful meal (Thai/Chinese/Indian/pub bistro), but will have hands under the table if it’s an $$$ place, which to be fair I would have picked anyway so happy to pick up the tab. We certainly don’t split the bill ever, as that’s just odd with family members.

I only have my Mum now and she is in a care home. But some years before this if we went for a coffee my parents would pay especially if I had driven them for a day out. If we went for a family meal, all adult children would pay for themselves.

This started as soon as we were working adults.

DP would always pay for days and meals out for all of us, me, his children and mine.

Do you pay or is it always DH?

I don't think it's bizarre - it's fairly normal for parents to want to treat their kids where they can - I don't think that's something that stops in adulthood,

I’m not allowed to pay, for anything, including a holiday we went on a few years ago. I’m 42

I think the difference with you is that I would NOT expect it to happen.

We can afford to pay for a restaurant for all of us now. Unless things change quite a bit financially, we will still be able to. (Or they both come with a partner and two kids each 😂. Not there yet. They are still at Uni)
I don’t expect them to return the favour.

I've been a single parent for the last 7 years- I have a partner now but we don't live together. His kids are much younger but one of mine is an adult and nearly 25. She has paid for meals out for Mother's Day for the last maybe 4/5 years, even when she was still at uni. She always offers to contribute when I take her and her sister out, sometimes I accept, other times I say don't worry and buy me a coffee next time. Sometimes she'll buy me lunch/dinner in exchange. She understands I've had a hard time financially at time as a single parent and appreciates that.

When we all go out together she still offers, as does her boyfriend but either I or my partner pay because we are just happy to have them all having a nice time together. They range in age from 10 (his youngest) to 25. But they all get on so well and after so long with my daughters having me all to themselves that means a lot to us both. My eldest and her boyfriend always offer to pay their share or bring wine/dessert when we have them over though. Neither are hugely well paid. They are both teachers (as am I) and just starting out in their careers. But they always offer.

Mum and I now alternate who pays for coffee but we are 50 and 75.

If I am there house they pay for meals. I pay if they come down to my house.

Works out as I pay for trains to get there (£50) though dad often offers me cash for that too!