Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Attracted to OW husband. What a mess.

177 replies

Conflictedsuz · 21/10/2023 21:20

‘D’H left me 10 weeks ago for a woman he met at the gym. 15 years together, the usual script etc.
He has left and him and OW have set up home together with her kids aged 5 & 9, we don’t have children.
I loosely know her husband as we went to the same school. He’s been In touch and we’ve been chatting for the past few weeks.
he’s a really nice guy and is as shell shocked as me. We’re definitely becoming attracted to one another. I don’t know what to do about this - it seems like madness! I’ll never be free of this mess if I follow my feelings for him.

Advice? Follow my heart or cut them all off? I’ll miss our friendship and warmth. I’m so confused. I hate my husband and it doesnt feel like a rebound thing. Help!

OP posts:
MissingMoominMamma · 21/10/2023 21:22

This happened to a friend of mine (except there were children on both sides). She has now been with with the OW’s husband for around 9 years and they are very happy.

henrysugar12 · 21/10/2023 21:23

Why not just have a bit of fun? You deserve to enjoy yourself.

Mistymountain · 21/10/2023 21:24

In your place I'd give it ago, especially as you don't have any children. It doesn't have to be serious, just see what happens.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Horsemad · 21/10/2023 21:25

I know someone this happened to. Her DH had an affair & she told the OW's DH. Both couples had children.

They met up to discuss things and ended up becoming an item!

Still together now.

DelusionalBrilliance · 21/10/2023 21:25

Absolutely and unequivocally go and have fun! Turn the “mess” to your advantage. The driving factor now should be YOUR fulfilment and getting through it all as best you can…

The fact it will probably massively piss the other two off is just a huuuuge bonus 🤣 (caveat, I’m so petty but I stand by what I’m saying!)

Sdpbody · 21/10/2023 21:26

I'd be shagging him just to piss off DH and OW. But I'm a petty bitch.

AgnesX · 21/10/2023 21:26

Be careful, it's not such a good idea when you might both be on the rebound.

DelusionalBrilliance · 21/10/2023 21:27

Sdpbody · 21/10/2023 21:26

I'd be shagging him just to piss off DH and OW. But I'm a petty bitch.

oh hello me 🤣

TallulahG · 21/10/2023 21:27

I would go for it! You don't owe anyone anything and are entitled to your own joy.

One of my close friends was in this position and a few years down the line, both couples are still very happy. (They do hate each other though- tricky with children, so you don't have that worry)

IckyPop · 21/10/2023 21:27

I'm sorry you're going through this.
A friend had a similar experience to you (although no kids on either side at the time). The two "wronged" parties ended up together and have since got married, had kids, been together for a number of years.
I guess just tread carefully, don't rush in, but it's not impossible to have a happy ending in this situation. Best wishes to you Flowers

HamBone · 21/10/2023 21:28

Your husband’s off doing what he wants , you don’t have any children to consider-do what you feel like!

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 21/10/2023 21:28

I’d keep being friends and see where it leads but I would be wary of trauma bonding. Were you attracted to him before all this?

Hillcrest2022 · 21/10/2023 21:29

Be selfish and do what you want. That's what your ex did. Like others above I also know a couple in this position and they are still together decades later.

PosterBoy · 21/10/2023 21:29

I wouldn't think it would piss them off, won't they just see it as a bit pitiful?

Op, honestly, you say it's not rebound ... it's so rebound! Go for it if you want, why not, but throw the net a bit wider as well.

GrumpyPanda · 21/10/2023 21:30

Poetic justice.

IDidntKnowMyOwnStrength · 21/10/2023 21:31

I personally wouldnt, because what happens if she changes her mind and they get back together?
Plus the fact what does it say about him for her to stray ?
To me it would just feel like l was stuck with leftovers but up to you.

Phonedown · 21/10/2023 21:31

If it all did work out how would you feel about effectively co-parenting with your ex and his ow. This man has two children.

Original poster
Conflictedsuz · 21/10/2023 21:31

I didn’t realise it was so common! I thought people would think it was really weird.

I hadn’t seen him since school so no, wasn’t attracted to him. We are spending more and more time together, it’s nice but at the point where I feel it could tip over into more. Not sure whether to draw a line and stop it all now. I don’t really want to.

OP posts:
Moomoomo · 21/10/2023 21:31

Isn't this how Shania Twain met her husband? I mean, it worked out for her!

VeronicaSawyer89 · 21/10/2023 21:31

Didn't this happen to Shania Twain? Her husband shagged her best mate and she ended up getting close to the OW's husband. They've been married for 12 years now.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 21/10/2023 21:32

Oh I'd go for it!! This is surely an ideal situation. Let the fuckers watch the flames of passion ignite between the two people they left on the side of the road. I wouldn't do it to make a point but if you fancy each other anyway why not

MyAnacondaMight · 21/10/2023 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

readbooksdrinktea · 21/10/2023 21:33

Sdpbody · 21/10/2023 21:26

I'd be shagging him just to piss off DH and OW. But I'm a petty bitch.

I'd likely do this. Have some fun, why not?

ShatteredPeace · 21/10/2023 21:34

Friend of mine did this, with children on both sides though. 10 years later he's happier than ever.

VeronicaSawyer89 · 21/10/2023 21:34

IDidntKnowMyOwnStrength · 21/10/2023 21:31

I personally wouldnt, because what happens if she changes her mind and they get back together?
Plus the fact what does it say about him for her to stray ?
To me it would just feel like l was stuck with leftovers but up to you.

That's an awful attitude to someone who has been cheated on. Would you say to a woman that's been cheated on "What does it say about her that her husband cheated on her"?