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Original poster

Attracted to OW husband. What a mess.

177 replies

Conflictedsuz · 21/10/2023 21:20

‘D’H left me 10 weeks ago for a woman he met at the gym. 15 years together, the usual script etc.
He has left and him and OW have set up home together with her kids aged 5 & 9, we don’t have children.
I loosely know her husband as we went to the same school. He’s been In touch and we’ve been chatting for the past few weeks.
he’s a really nice guy and is as shell shocked as me. We’re definitely becoming attracted to one another. I don’t know what to do about this - it seems like madness! I’ll never be free of this mess if I follow my feelings for him.

Advice? Follow my heart or cut them all off? I’ll miss our friendship and warmth. I’m so confused. I hate my husband and it doesnt feel like a rebound thing. Help!

OP posts:
CherrySocks · 22/10/2023 00:10

See how it goes if you both like one another and are compatible etc - but don't pursue it out of revenge - I don't think you are but that's what some people are advocating.
The downside is clearly that he will have to stay in touch with his wife because of the children so you would be stuck in a weird connection with the OW. An alternative could be to move away from the area, if you are in a position to do that, and start a new life of your own with no contact with them all.

fortnumsfinest · 22/10/2023 00:12

Sdpbody · 21/10/2023 21:26

I'd be shagging him just to piss off DH and OW. But I'm a petty bitch.

Me too

CrazyHamsterLady · 22/10/2023 00:16

Our neighbours did this. Details changed slightly. Couple A lived at number 6. Couple B directly opposite in number 15. The man from 6 had an affair with the woman from 15. When it all came out, the two blokes swapped houses.

It didn’t end there though. The couple left in number 6 were the exes of the people who had cheated. They then decided to get together 😆

Basically a wife swap!

Hope that made sense. It was all a bit of a scandal around our way about 10 years ago.

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Relationship problems
notquitesoyoung · 22/10/2023 00:24

I'll never know exactly what went on but as the child in a not dissimilar situation it is not the easiest and continues all through life. Children on one side and not the other. I know you don't have children OP however he does - if you had children would it change anything? A bit like an accidental pregnancy can come about any time someone has sex so there's a degree of responsibility from the beginning, even something casual & just for fun could turn into feelings so think through how that plays out a few steps ahead and you might have your answer.

WilmaWonka · 22/10/2023 00:25

fortnumsfinest · 22/10/2023 00:12

Me too

Show quote history

And me! On the basis from both sides, it would be ‘therapeutic’ and see where it leads.

This happened with some parents at my DC’s primary school. The cheaters only lasted a few months as the DH tried to get back with his wife but she wasn’t having it. The deceived spouses are still together 10 years later. Bumped into them in Tesco a few weeks ago looking very happy. They both had 2 DCs each, one each in DS’s year in the same class!

Italiangreyhound · 22/10/2023 00:26

Just do what makes you happy. Life is short and your 'd' h is horrible. You deserve to be happy.

WellIdontknowwhattocallmyself · 22/10/2023 00:27

Do what you want see if something can come of it

tolerable · 22/10/2023 00:28

omg ignore me-i am utterly fed up n as ever tryna distract myself...so was thinking of the soundrack that can go along with your shituation
jamp to meatloaf_dashboard lights....
merged into...gonna love her for both of us....
two outta 3 aint bad.
the absolute hellish effort required for me to type(form sentences)is fortunately depleted....urge to delet is overided by that

DiscoBeat · 22/10/2023 00:28

Go for it - but lightly!

adomizo · 22/10/2023 00:29

Oh no maybe its just me but I would run a mile away.....

Lookingatthesunset · 22/10/2023 00:33

Why not go for it? You don't owe either of them anything, and even if it doesn't go anywhere, the bonus is that it might piss the pair of them off, and they deserve that!

bronkie · 22/10/2023 00:34

I know two sets of couples like this - married to the other partners now. Both are in their 70s.

Legendairy · 22/10/2023 00:36

This happened to my friend, they are both happily married, so essentially swapped partners. All really happy, no animosity at all now and co parent well.

My friends 1st husband had an affair with her now husbands wife so it wasn't great at first of course but has worked out well now

DueyCheatemAndHow · 22/10/2023 00:40

I know 2 couples who did this. Both divorced their original spouse, the two who had the affair married each other and the other two then did too.
The two that had the affair are still together 18 years later. The other pair broke up about 5 years ago.

joelmillersbackpack · 22/10/2023 00:41

Lwrenagain · 21/10/2023 21:44

Is he fit @Conflictedsuz, because if so go get it girl!
So what if its messy? It's already messy!
Go climb him like a tree and rock his world, ffs life is short!

Say if something happens and you two become serious then be zen about the whole thing, make it less messy.
In a more zen way- "I am grateful to the cheating pair of arseholes that brought this wonderful man into my life and showed me true happiness and incredible sex"

Rooting for you lass! I hope you report back you've had a great night, he's a 10 in the sack and cooked the greatest breakfast you've ever eaten. You both deserve it 💐

Couldn’t have put it better myself 🥲

Crack on OP, you didn’t make this mess 💐

Birdsongtops · 22/10/2023 00:41

I couldn’t mother the ow dcs

KissyMissy · 22/10/2023 01:02

Sdpbody · 21/10/2023 21:26

I'd be shagging him just to piss off DH and OW. But I'm a petty bitch.

Yes 😂

WowOK · 22/10/2023 01:04

I think you should do exactly what you want. Fuck exs and OW feelings
They didn't care about yours. Honestly, I would bang exs BF and brother for good measure. Petty is as petty does.

RogueFemale · 22/10/2023 01:13

I vote go for it.

Honeychickpea · 22/10/2023 01:14

Mistymountain · 21/10/2023 21:24

In your place I'd give it ago, especially as you don't have any children. It doesn't have to be serious, just see what happens.

He has children, but apparently that doesn't matter.

Tryingmybestadhd · 22/10/2023 01:16

If it’s reciprocal then go for it . You don’t have kids do you don’t need to worry about who you will affect .

Dani2206 · 22/10/2023 01:21

Do it !

FrancesOfFrance · 22/10/2023 01:23

I think it's gross and messy. Probably just a trauma bond.

occa · 22/10/2023 01:50

I’ve seen this exact scenario happen twice. Both times the cheated on partners went on to stay together long term and be (apparently) really happy, while the cheaters broke up.

Nursercurser · 22/10/2023 01:53

Oh no you poor thing!!! Just do exactly what it is you want to do. It's not Important right now as only you are important and you should do exactly whatever it is that you want to do - after all neither of them were worried about you when they began this fling. I'm thinking that they are not allowed to just have a quick fling and finish soon after. Leaving a lot of pain behind them 😭🤢☠️👑.