Attracted to OW husband. What a mess.

[Conflictedsuz]

‘D’H left me 10 weeks ago for a woman he met at the gym. 15 years together, the usual script etc.
He has left and him and OW have set up home together with her kids aged 5 & 9, we don’t have children.
I loosely know her husband as we went to the same school. He’s been In touch and we’ve been chatting for the past few weeks.
he’s a really nice guy and is as shell shocked as me. We’re definitely becoming attracted to one another. I don’t know what to do about this - it seems like madness! I’ll never be free of this mess if I follow my feelings for him.

Advice? Follow my heart or cut them all off? I’ll miss our friendship and warmth. I’m so confused. I hate my husband and it doesnt feel like a rebound thing. Help!

Plus the fact what does it say about him for her to stray ?

🙄

I would go for it personally. That’s what you want to do. I’ve also heard of w couples swapping partners and both being happily married.

This happened between my neighbours a few years back. The 'cheated on' couple are still happily together. The cheaters on the other hand lasted less than 2 years.
Go for it and have fun.

Go for it!!!!

This happened to dhs grandparents, there were kid's on both sides, one of each cheated, the remaining one's got together and both had more kids.
The family tree still confuses me after 20 years but the two non cheaters have been happily together upwards of 40 years

fine to have a quick shag, serious relationship is trickier as you’d end up a stepmother to the children your x husband is stepfather to- very weird

Bur I know two couples who literally swapped partners and it broadly worked out fine though the original couples barely spoke for decades. Def weird for the kids especially when the new couples had kids of their own. But the kids are all adults now and well adjusted.

This happened with friends of my mothers. The cheaters split up after about ten years but their partners are still together many years later.

I would see how it plays out. I would try to keep it light and fun though.

I have 2 friends that essentially "swapped spouses" obviously there was much more hurt to it than that, but it worked out very well for the injured party of both marriages and both have told me it's the best thing that could have happened.

So go for it.

Go for it! Have fun.

My dad's GF left him for another man over 30 years ago. My dad has been with the other man's ex-wife since about a year after that. My stepsister tells me that her dad is still happy with the GF who was my "stepmum" when I was a teen. So, although the partner swapping was painful at the time, everyone is now living "happily ever after"...

It worked for Shania Twain.

my main concern would be for his kids. They’ve already had the turmoil of their mum leaving their dad and moving a new man in. They really don’t need their dad to be distracted by a new relationship as well. But if you can keep it light hearted, and not involve the kids at all, then go for it.

Go for it, why not be happy? And for me it’s a bonus if it upsets the cheaters 😂

Definitely go for it!!

I know of two couples who did this, the husband and OW are no longer together, it only lasted about six months and both tried to worm their way back in with their original partners but neither of them considered reconciling as they were much happier as a couple.
They are still married twenty years later.

Surprised at these responses, but yes.

Id 100% shag him, but I am very petty.

I come from a very small, sedate town.
There’s two couples that this happened to - they basically traded partners.
Then they traded back.
They were the talk of the town - I remember my mum & aunt drinking gin & talking about them.
Their kids all went to our one high school and nobody said a word. They’re were nice kids I remember. I wonder how they held it together.

If it fulfils both of your needs for friendship and intimacy then why not. Just be open and honest about your feelings and if it just for fun. If it turns serious then you both need to be on the same page. For now just do what makes you happy, and enjoy yourself.

Friends of ours did. She got pregnant, they married 30 years ago now.

She can shag him a without wanting to set up house.

You both understand each other's situation and it's theraputic for you, so if it goes further why not!!

Honestly, I absolutely love this!!!

Life can be strange, so why not see where it goes?

I'd also be a bit smug about how things are going to work out for your DH. There won't be any security in a relationship that originated in cheating, and he's going to have to live with the reality of the restrictions kids bring when the novelty wears off. And teens not too far away. I'd travel the world with the OW's DH while they sit at home with their time and resources tied up.

My friend did this. It was definitely a rebound thing. Ended up a bit messy and made her feel worse in the long run.